tabularasa_rp | open | i hit the bottom but I'm on the mend

(Mhm? Is Damien reaching for a demonstration?

Very politely, Ren reaches with both hands to accept the card, with the thumb and forefinger of each hand gently taking the card into his sight and performing a standard 30 degree bow before he tends to it. Of course, his eyes travel the card carefully, noting the details and the personal information in it. It's almost an extension of Damien in a way, so he takes time to appreciate it.

Instead of going into a pocket, Ren just leaves it on the table, placed with the information facing him.

Of course, there probably is much more to it, but it's not like Ren spends a lot of time in business meetings in a suit. He's only done what feels natural.)

There are many rules, but I can't say I know all of them. Akechi might be better for business related traditions. (He recommends.)

There is. Different levels of respect.

[he was, and he watches Ren with interest, before leaning back where he'd leaned forward a little. interesting]

I might ask him about them.

[he also might ask after Akechi, period, once there's a pause in the lesson. he suspects Ren wouldn't be here, if something had gone awry, if the wound was infected or something, but -- well, has he mentioned he likes Akechi?]

[but anyway]

Like the honorifics you all use.

(He has! Ren likes him too, to nobody's surprise.

Damien is absolutely right. If Akechi hadn't been in a good shape, Ren definitely wouldn't be here, just chatting.)

That's right. Everything rotates around respect, reputation and hierarchy in Japanese culture.

Edited 2020-10-08 18:03 (UTC)

[Damien hums, and -- well, he's ask another question about Japanese etiquette, maybe if it bothers Ren that he doesn't use the honorifics, too, but now he's sort of hung up, thinking about Akechi. he frowns a little, that in mind, before:]

How is he, by the way? Akechi?

(At the question, there's just a tiny smile in Ren's lips. Damien really cares about Akechi, doesn't he?)

He's getting better. Thank you for helping him. (He offers Damien a short bow, in both respect and gratitude.) He's staying with me for the time being, you're welcome to visit.

(It's only a beat later that the subject reminds him - he actually meant to talk to Damien about something really important.)

I actually have something to ask you, speaking of.

[he's the one person who sees all of him, here -- who he doesn't have to watch himself around. Tifa's a close second, for all that she saw some of him and didn't flinch, but Akechi's ... ]

[yeah, anyway]

[he frowns a little, somewhat disappointed that Akechi's not just next door, anymore, even if he can figure out the reasoning behind it. a raised eyebrow follows, at the not-quite-question] Which is?

I know what you saw from him.

(A battered, badly injured Ren, a dead officer, a silencer and a bullet right in his forehead. Nothing.)

Can I trust you'll keep it a secret?

(Ren's gray eyes fix on the other's.)

Ah.

[he shifts slightly in his seat, trying to cover a tension that came with the lead up to the question. he's not sure what he was expecting, but it wasn't something as comparatively innocuous as that]

[either way, after a beat, he hums, nods] Your secrets are safe with me. [assuming they don't give him reason to use them against them, anyway]

(He's not sure, if he's completely honest. Damien did see him getting shot in the head, it's such a serious situation that even if it weren't real and Ren is right here, the murder part of it still stands.

Complicated.

Well. Akechi hadn't told Ren what he saw from Damien, if any, and Ren kept it for himself too. Too personal to just throw out there.)

Thank you. (Right now, he has no other choice but to trust, does he?)

[isn't everything complicated?]

[but anyway]

You're welcome. [a beat] And for the record, I haven't run around screaming what I saw of yours from the rooftops, either. [and as with Akechi, he won't, unless he gives him reason to. he may not be looking to actively blackmail anyone here, yet, but he still very much operates on the principle of an eye for an eye. if anyone realizes the truth behind what they saw of his, if anyone starts passing it around -- well, he knows shit now, too]

I was running on the assumption that anything we discussed, that day, was in confidence.

Awkwardly enough, you wouldn't need to.

(Because surely a good chunk of his stolen memories was that one ins specific anyways. Still, he drops the intensity just a tad, long nails tapping on the table.)

Don't worry, it's really all I know. It is and it will continue being no matter what.(Ren wasn't told a thing about Damien's, and he surely won't tell anyone about what he saw, even with it being a strong bargain chip. He wouldn't really go through it.)

But I think you can understand why I'm asking you this.

Still.

[a beat]

And I absolutely understand. If what happened between the two of you got around -- well, it would put something of a scarlet letter on his chest, wouldn't it? [even if it wasn't real, the intent was still there. Akechi's still a murderer. he'd still read as dangerous, insane if anyone else knew]

I do have one question, though. [and there's another pause] Which me keeping my mouth shut isn't conditional on you answering. [just for the record] But well. Call me curious.

(Still for the fact his silence remains or still for the fact that Ren knows Damien knows?

He says nothing when there's no reason for it - Damien got it. There's no need to repeat what he has jut said.)

What is it?

[still for the fact that his silence remains, no matter how many people may have gotten the same glimpse of Ren]

[but anyway]

Why forgive him? Why be friends? Even if it wasn't real ... [again, the intent was there. he sure as fuck wouldn't be nice to Aiden, if and when he ever shows up here. he might aim for a truce, maybe, but it won't be a friendly thing]

(Friends... They're not exactly that at this point, are they?

Oh, boy. He has discussed this many, many times with Akechi at this point, till he's got a headache. To someone else? This is completely new, and Ren doesn't know what to say at first.)

I care about him. (For starters.) I understand it, as morbid as it sounds. It doesn't define him.

You were both being used.

[there's a note of question in his voice there, as he's not entirely sure that's the reason for it. oh, he knows that they were being used, the two of them pawns in a game being played by a godlike entity, Akechi told him as much. what he's unsure about is if that's the reason for Ren's understanding, his forgiveness]

That we were.

(No need to go around in circles if he knows that much and if Akechi told him, Ren might as well back his decision up by confirming. Still, Ren shakes his head.)

I understand him. (A slight correction that might answer Damien's question.

Sorry, feelings hard. It takes him a while to regather his thoughts, trying to make the best out of his words.)

Reaching for the past has no use for me when I can work towards a better future. (And if Damien cares to look, he might even see such resolve in Ren's eyes. They've been fine, despite of everything, here they are. Together. Trying. There's so much progress and Ren is happy, their past traumatizing relationship much less relevant in the face of change and growth.

His attitude happens to be beyond Akechi, even if he's the subject of the conversation. Damien saw some of the horrors Ren has experienced so far - Ren being arrested, Ren injured from head to toe with a target on his back, Ren... Working to make the Void at least bearable for everyone in it, working much longer shifts and lending an ear and cups of coffee to those who would need it. Why dwell when you can do something about it?)

[he does, in fact, note that, and he smiles a little for it, almost in spite of himself. that, that's where Ren and Aiden differ. Aiden wouldn't forgive him anymore than he would Aiden. setting new and foreign or otherwise, there'd be no forward movement for them]

[though ... ]

Is that a blanket statement? Or one reserved just for him?

[would Ren forgive him, if he knew what kind of person he really was? never mind the fact that he hasn't done a single thing to hurt anyone here. never mind the fact that he's never really lied, point blank, everything he's told Ren or anyone else here at least a fraction of the truth. he doesn't need any absolution here. he's more curious, then, if Ren would treat him different if he saw the whole of his truth]

[he imagines so. he's not so different from Aiden]

Applies for most.

(Ren knows there's something sketchy and it would be a lie if he said he fully trusts Damien. He doesn't, even if his action of kindness towards Akechi was welcomed and earned him some points.

Whether Ren would deal with him differently is all on Damien, though. He's willing to let the past be the past, there's not even a way to verify the story as is... But that's provided Damien doesn't pull that shit around here. Provided that he understands the gravity of his actions. Provided that he makes an effort to be a better person and does what needs to be done not to repeat his actions and fall on the same behavior pattern.

He's not scared to stand up to him otherwise.)

He's told you quite a bit, hasn't he?

[he has no reason to get up to old tricks, here -- no means to, even if he wanted to, and even if he did. well, we've gone in a circle, now. maybe that will change, as the Void does, maybe he'll feel like he has to go back to dealing in information and blackmail, but maybe not. Tifa's already seen a little bit of his darkness, and she didn't flinch. so did Akechi, even if that's a little different. point is that he has people who are willing to stand up for him, here, even seeing him, so maybe he'll never go back to his old habits]

[then again, though, he finds absolutely no fault in how he acted, back home, and he's planning -- some kind of brutal retribution for Hornet, if and when he can think something good, so it's hard to tell]

[either way, though, he drums his fingers on the table for a minute, then lets the question go. if he was planning on opening up, here, the moment has passed and he lets it, leaning into Ren's question with a shrug] More than most here, I think.

[a beat]

The whole memory situation helped. So did us talking while I stitched him up.

(That's good. It's not like Goro likes talking much about himself and his past, so at least the fact he has opened up with someone other than Ren can mean something.

Goro is changing, isn't he?

A small beat, and Ren circles back and into something he means to ask Damien ever since that conversation that seems to be months ago. Really, he can't tell.)

I do want to ask you something as well. Would that be alright?

You can ask.

[he reserves the right to not answer, however, depending on what the question entails. unless Ren plays his cards absolutely perfectly at this point, for example, he's missed the opportunity, here, for Damien to tell him the truth about himself]

Have you decided what you want to do regarding Aiden when you get home?

(Does he still remember their first conversation? Yes, he does. Now that he has a memory of his own, maybe it makes sense, doesn't it? His inability of letting go.

Also, amazing that their first conversation was about this. It truly is a talent.)

No.

[he pauses, sighing, and then shakes his head]

I almost wish he'd show up here. That would make things ... easier, somehow, maybe. [and that's the truth if only, like everything else, to a certain degree. he's not sure he'd actually want Aiden here, for all that it would ruin and regardless of how entertaining it would be, to push him off the mountain a few dozen times, but. but if he could work things out with him here, where Aiden couldn't just put a bullet in his head, where other people wouldn't let him, then maybe they could just go their separate ways, when they get home]

[he's not expecting forgiveness (and again, he won't ever forgive Aiden, him just as guilty as he is), just a chance to win his life back, when they go home]

(Add Ren to the list of people who would definitely have a knife against Aiden's throat should he make a move. No murder in the Void, for the love of everything holy.

He listens, and there's a burning question on the tip of his tongue and Ren can't help it. Sorry, Damien.)

Do you still like him? (Nevermind the boner, for Christ's sake. That surely was about something else entirely, wasn't it? For the way Damien seemed upset by the time he got to the car.)

open | i hit the bottom but I'm on the mend

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