[ the past is looping and it's worse, somehow, because leo keeps fucking up and fucking up even when he'd resolved himself to moving forward and getting better. but, it turns out he didn't. and now, because of him--
--before, he had truly, truly, truly wanted to die. to cease existing, because living was just too painful. in the present, with what feels like izumi's blood on his hands, he wants to die even more. he doesn't want to live. it's painful, yes, but beyond that, he's not sure he even deserves it.
not that it matters, anyway, because he doesn't. rabid thoughts that felt like they were being pulled out of him by gravity come rushing back with add's rescue, running through leo violently when he speaks.
-- expect someone to swoop in and save your ass every time you do something stupid--
there's a hope that hits him suddenly, wrapped in guilt. and, without thinking, leo can only conclude: ]
... Sena?
[ it's obviously not. when leo turns around frantically to meet add's eyes, it's obviously, obviously not. ]
Dee-de-- [ oh, no. even with the haze in his mind, he can remember that add hated that. hated him, maybe. ] Mm... Um, Sorry. Add. You still mad...?
[ even pretending to muster the energy is too much for him, as the exhaustion tears through him just from that alone.
ah, he'd really done it. this really happened. leo sure is enjoying standing on this cool hoverboard, yeah, but actually now he'd really like to get off it so don't mind if he's pulling lightly against add's grip on his shirt.
it hasn't quite settled what being at the bottom of the chasm means, so that's gonna be even better. ]
cw: suicide/suicidal thoughts
--before, he had truly, truly, truly wanted to die. to cease existing, because living was just too painful. in the present, with what feels like izumi's blood on his hands, he wants to die even more. he doesn't want to live. it's painful, yes, but beyond that, he's not sure he even deserves it.
not that it matters, anyway, because he doesn't. rabid thoughts that felt like they were being pulled out of him by gravity come rushing back with add's rescue, running through leo violently when he speaks.
-- expect someone to swoop in and save your ass every time you do something stupid--
there's a hope that hits him suddenly, wrapped in guilt. and, without thinking, leo can only conclude: ]
... Sena?
[ it's obviously not. when leo turns around frantically to meet add's eyes, it's obviously, obviously not. ]
Dee-de-- [ oh, no. even with the haze in his mind, he can remember that add hated that. hated him, maybe. ] Mm... Um, Sorry. Add. You still mad...?
[ even pretending to muster the energy is too much for him, as the exhaustion tears through him just from that alone.
ah, he'd really done it. this really happened. leo sure is enjoying standing on this cool hoverboard, yeah, but actually now he'd really like to get off it so don't mind if he's pulling lightly against add's grip on his shirt.
it hasn't quite settled what being at the bottom of the chasm means, so that's gonna be even better. ]