[His brows furrow, knit together, even as he closes his eyes and lets the other boy cup his face. His hands are so much different from Akechi's own, rough and calloused and warm unlike his own hands, soft and cold. His chest aches like all of his emotions are banging together in there, trying to break open his ribs as if from a prison.
Ren lowers his hands, and Akechi feels bereft without them, teeth gritting and threatening to gnaw at his lower lip again. Instead, he forces himself to open his mouth -- open, then close it, desperately trying to think of what he wants to say and how to do it in such a way that Ren won't leave. It seems impossible to have both understanding and someone to stay with him. Perhaps that's it.]
It isn't just that, [he says finally, voice barely above a ragged whisper.] I'm not stupid. I'm not a child. I can hear what you're saying. And yet my entire life, I've...
[He's just wanted someone around. No matter what he did, no one ever stayed with him. Not for long. His hands clench and unclench at his sides as he stares away, unable to meet Ren's eyes. Logically, he knows Ren truly does believe what he's saying. But it's so hard to reconcile with everything he's experienced his entire life.]
Fears don't go away simply because we wish them to. The more illogical the fear, the harder it is to shake loose.
no subject
[His brows furrow, knit together, even as he closes his eyes and lets the other boy cup his face. His hands are so much different from Akechi's own, rough and calloused and warm unlike his own hands, soft and cold. His chest aches like all of his emotions are banging together in there, trying to break open his ribs as if from a prison.
Ren lowers his hands, and Akechi feels bereft without them, teeth gritting and threatening to gnaw at his lower lip again. Instead, he forces himself to open his mouth -- open, then close it, desperately trying to think of what he wants to say and how to do it in such a way that Ren won't leave. It seems impossible to have both understanding and someone to stay with him. Perhaps that's it.]
It isn't just that, [he says finally, voice barely above a ragged whisper.] I'm not stupid. I'm not a child. I can hear what you're saying. And yet my entire life, I've...
[He's just wanted someone around. No matter what he did, no one ever stayed with him. Not for long. His hands clench and unclench at his sides as he stares away, unable to meet Ren's eyes. Logically, he knows Ren truly does believe what he's saying. But it's so hard to reconcile with everything he's experienced his entire life.]
Fears don't go away simply because we wish them to. The more illogical the fear, the harder it is to shake loose.