I look like a dazzling paragon of youthful vigor! I'm the Goddess of Nature! Life, Youth, and Vitality (tm)!

[also screaming]

Don't you go criticizing my looks, Mr. I Was a Teenage Porcupine. You don't even wash your hair, do you? You probably just stand in the shower and let the water drip and think it's good enough!

Let's not even get started on those pores.