[She thought about it for a moment before she responded. So, what she was about to say was a bit of an indication of the fact that she trusted Ren. She wouldn't admit it to most people. Cole. Legion. Ren. Maybe Rinoa after what she'd put her through? And the fact that there were four people here like that was amazing. Back home? There were two. It wasn't something she admitted often because it led to some of the secret of her powers, and thus a vulnerability if her powers were active.]
So...you know how I'm always finding reasons someone is better off than me? And if I can't, I look for reasons that they handle it better? It's not just natural, Ren. It's an old habit, but there's a reason.
If I'm the small fish in a room, I'm actually much more powerful. When I have reason to be envious, that envy empowers me. I'm more dangerous. And, on another level? I feel more 'myself.' I feel sure of myself as long as I can embrace who and what I am. It's comfortable. I like being the underdog in everything. I embraced it a long time ago.
So, me? I'm ok if they're in control because I feel like I'm in control by being the little guy. And I turn it into power that I turn against them if they try anything.
I'm the youkai equivalent of a cockroach, Ren. [She grinned at him almost a little wickedly.] But the fun thing about roaches? We survive anything.
no subject
[She thought about it for a moment before she responded. So, what she was about to say was a bit of an indication of the fact that she trusted Ren. She wouldn't admit it to most people. Cole. Legion. Ren. Maybe Rinoa after what she'd put her through? And the fact that there were four people here like that was amazing. Back home? There were two. It wasn't something she admitted often because it led to some of the secret of her powers, and thus a vulnerability if her powers were active.]
So...you know how I'm always finding reasons someone is better off than me? And if I can't, I look for reasons that they handle it better? It's not just natural, Ren. It's an old habit, but there's a reason.
If I'm the small fish in a room, I'm actually much more powerful. When I have reason to be envious, that envy empowers me. I'm more dangerous. And, on another level? I feel more 'myself.' I feel sure of myself as long as I can embrace who and what I am. It's comfortable. I like being the underdog in everything. I embraced it a long time ago.
So, me? I'm ok if they're in control because I feel like I'm in control by being the little guy. And I turn it into power that I turn against them if they try anything.
I'm the youkai equivalent of a cockroach, Ren. [She grinned at him almost a little wickedly.] But the fun thing about roaches? We survive anything.