tabularasa_rp | (open) where have you been? been searching all along 𝅘𝅥𝅮

I think it has.

(Ren gave her a smile, it's genuine and bright. She has been doing good, he thinks. There's nothing he'd like to see change in, some things are just of her nature, but alas, it wasn't as bad as she wanted to put it as.)

You're doing very well.

It'll be great, you'll see. (It's good that she's not quitting to just sit and let the sadness take over. Much to the contrary, she seems to be motivated to find herself in a new place, and what place would be better than one that literally just began? He beams at her resolve, taking back his curry into his hands and digging right back in.)

How is he? I haven't seen him.

(Because it's not like Cloud often stops by to drink a coffee and chat with him, which is absolutely fine! But out of the three of them, he's the one Ren has the least contact with.)

That's open to debate... but I do know that I could be doing a lot worse. So, it's helping for the moment. And if it's helping, I'll keep doing it even if it weirds people out a little bit. [Gruuuuunt]

You really think so do you?

I wouldn't say something like this it I didn't think it to be true, anyways.

(He just gestured with his hand, as to highlight his words.)

It's fine to be a little weird. We all are.

Yeah, I guess the only person you really seem good at lying to is yourself. You're not the type to give false promises like that, aren't you? A little too endearing, though Deku's more honest than you are.

(What is that supposed to mean... But he doesn't ask, just squints his eyes in glaring.)

Izuku-kun?

It means that I have a hard time thinking you'd lie to me. Especially about something like this. Doesn't feel like it's in your nature.

Izuku I have an even harder time believing he'd lie. He'd be terrible at it.

I don't like to.

(He hasn't seen Deku lie, so there's not much he can say about that!)

It shows. Some people say they don't like to. It's sort of obvious with you. You wear it on your sleeve. You don't like to deceive people.

I know I can trust that you believe what you say. Not necessarily that you're right, but you aren't lying to me. It's... refreshing. [And annoying at times]

Why would I lie to you in the first place?

(Actually, he's curious. He's not being terribly upfront, but she knows this already.

Lying, on the other hand...)

[...Fair. Blue has to admit; he doesn't really know how people find their ...other half, when it's not someone that it's always been natural to let in. He can't imagine it- allowing someone slowly but surely within your guard, especially when you seem to have very differing points of view, like Ren says.]

[To Blue, that would just feel something like dislike. That's what he imagines, anyway- it's gotta be something more than that, right? But he's not too interested in pushing it further than that- Ren seems ...reluctant to do so, which Blue sees as something of a warning.]

[Blue is the type who would much rather remain blissfully ignorant.]

....It's not exactly just that, [He finally admits, but much like Ren's own unspoken warnings, Blue has plenty of buried things of his own that he'd rather not get into. He wasn't who most people here thought he was. His past buried a lot of worse things.] Because he already knows who I am. I haven't always been......

[He hesitates, and looks away again. His expression had become steadily more real as this conversation had gone on, losing the playful, goofy mask he usually put on and letting more of the sharper, more serious part of him bleed through. But there was more under there, too. Much more.]

Red's seen all of me.

(Oh? That catches his attention more than anything else. If there's something Ren understands is the concept of a mask, hiding one's true self from others for whatever reason that may be. It's only Ren's eyes that move to observe the other when "I haven't always been" hits his ears and there's a little discomfort that tugs at his heart.

Ah, Blue. He gets it.)

Blue. (His tone is stern and sure, almost like he's about to scold.)

Nobody here has always been like we are. Chances are we know close to nothing about each other. (Especially him and Akechi, but alas.)

Isn't a good thing that the person you like most knows all of you? I'd rather to be known and accepted than to be liked incompletely.

Tch, I know that,

[Blue defensively grumbles, brows knitting together as he tries to worm his way back out of this.] Most people ...don't really know much about each other, don't you think?

[He drinks quietly, and thinks on that... but his conclusion is still the same, he's sure. The problem isn't one of being liked incompletely, but at all....]

It's because he knows all of me that there's no way he feels the same.

Cloud?

[She blinks in surprise by the question but warms up with an answer soon enough. Cloud can be a bit of a lone wolf sometimes... she had to push him to join the others on the AVALANCHE bombing mission, and had to pay him for it on top of that, but with time, he might just warm up to the idea of not being such a lone wolf.]

He's good. [She has a lot of troubles biting back the smile that appears every time she talks about him to the people here.] I had a really good talk with him about it before I made the final decision. He didn't say it outright, but pretty sure he's in for the plan.

[Tifa kind of made that decision for him...]

(No, they don't. Most people keep their distortions, their flaws hidden. Ren, on the other hand, keeps his strengths... Go figure. He sighs, taking another sip before he hears the words, an eyebrow quirking.)

You can't be sure of that. You'd be surprised at what people really feel once you look closely enough.

(Too drunk to notice the parallel, but not drunk enough to not remember how people definitely see others in such different ways than expected. Not that he thinks Red has any distortions of that kind, but alas. Ren's been inside too many people's heads at this point to know things aren't always as one would think.)

Edited 2020-09-13 19:31 (UTC)

That's not the question you should be asking right now, Ren. You wouldn't. Because you're Ren. And, while you're a human and subject to the weaknesses that entails? You remind me a tiny bit of a spirit sometimes. You're very driven by your nature. You and Akechi both.

So you wouldn't.

So, you should be asking "Why would someone lie to me?" And there's a lot of answers to that.

(He likes to hear it, as weird of a compliment it is! How would Parsee react to knowing there certainly are "spirits" living within the two of them? Ren with Satanael and Akechi with both Robin Hood and Loki, he wonders?)

You're not wrong. (Specially those who know him a little better. Don't let him get impulsive, Void. Little does he know he was already lied to a bunch these past few months.)

[Jealousy, duuuuuh.]

On either point, I think. It is part of why I put up with your antics. I know you honestly mean them. [She shrugged.] If you were just putting on airs of being my friend, I would have given you such hell compared to what I have already.

You're a very... forthright person. It's an admirable quality. And, while I'm not overtly deceptive... I have trouble being that open.

(That's a new reaction to having Satan inside of your soul, that's for sure.........)

You don't give me hell. (It becomes clearer with each conversation that Ren's point of view regarding their friendship is much, much contrasting to her own.) You're fine.

(Her deductions tend to always be half correct due to her lack of knowledge on him. He hides quite a lot from the Void, but apparently, not well enough.)

We all do. It's not easy to let others in.

(Huh? He can see it, Tifa. There's warmth and endearment in her words, expressions, and the smile that she's fighting to keep from showing. Not that he hadn't noticed before, of course, but this confirms the suspicion further. Ren rests his cheek on his knuckles, legs crossing as he shows her a delighted beam. They're cute.)

I wish you two the best of luck.

(Ah, his curiosity speaks louder and he finally asks:)

What's the deal with the two of you, anyway?

I suppose. I guess that's partially true of most of us. We're kind of in a rough spot here. Forced to trust each other even when we barely know one another.

And it's not like this place can force us to have better understandings, is it?

[Parsee, shut your mouth. You're giving the world ideas.]

[Between his comment and the question that follows it, Tifa had grabbed her food up again and is in the middle of scooping up another spoonful of the curry when she stops, the curry halfway to her mouth. She really shouldn't be surprised about being asked this, but no one ever has—people just assumed things without so much as a sideways look or a smirk here and there, Jessie especially, but never openly asking.

Not that there's much of an answer anyway.]

Huh? The deal? Nothing, really... [Except she's blushing and hiding her face behind her hair while she looks anywhere but at Ren.] Cloud and I have been friends for a long time, since we were kids. Grew up together in Nibelheim. He left to join SOLDIER seven years ago, haven't seen him since.

(There's more to this story, Tifa, otherwise you wouldn't be blushing so much. Maybe nothing had happened, but it's apparent from the general vibe that there are feelings involved. She must be aware, right? Otherwise, she'd look at him, not hiding with all the body language in the world.

The smile grows to the point it tugs too hard at his cheeks, but it doesn't cease anytime soon. Instead, he listens.)

What's SOLDIER? (It's his first inquiry. The next can wait a little.)

[If it weren't for her being a flustered mess, Tifa's energy might have dimmed at the question, but she's able to hide it behind her nostalgia, thinking instead about the night on top of the water tower when he told her his hopes and dreams, and they exchanged promises, rather than about the consequences of becoming a SOLDIER. The toll it was very obviously having on Cloud...]

They're a group of elite military back in Midgar. [Shinra's elite military rank...] The best of the best fighters. If you've never seen Cloud use that sword, it really is something to see.

I think you're presuming way too much.

[Blue bitterly mutters, pushing his empty can away. It wasn't his feelings that were on the line, so it wasn't his place to say what risks Blue should be willing to take or not! Huff. Grumble.]

[Uneasily, Blue rocks slightly on his seat, and casts Ren a glance.]

Look, you. Things are a lot more complicated than you know.... And not even cuz of stuff just between us.

Even if... [He pauses, settles into a doubtful expression, and furrows his brows.] Even if Red felt the same way, that wouldn't guarantee that it would even.... work out. [He stares down morosely at his feet, before settling them on the ground, pushing himself up with some effort.]

It's enough that he's forgiven me as his friend. I can't ask even more of him.

[He was lucky that Red had even wanted anything to do with him again in the first place. 'Take what you can get, and be grateful that anyone even tolerates your useless existence'. That's what he'd come to expect.]

[He shakily steps aside from his seat, pushing the stool (politely!) back under the counter.] Mind your business, alright.

(open) where have you been? been searching all along 𝅘𝅥𝅮

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