tabularasa_rp | [open] November catch-all

[ hey, the chicken nug has the right idea. leo comes a bit closer now the darkness has subsided somewhat, taking the sheets with him. though this is less of a "gets up and walks over" and more of a "scoots over on his butt embarrassingly but it's cole, so he won't call him out on it. probably" kind of thing.

horrible. and, as he does this, he just keeps on talking with his pen in his mouth because there's not enough hands to hold everything: ]

'ep, 'ome'ime! But 'a shtuff ish mo' bo'ing-- [ oh, it dropped out of his mouth, let him pick it up because i don't want to do a whole tag of that ] --They're kinda cliché, y'know. I like the dreams where you don't know what's gonna happen. Where you don't wake up all "aw man, that one again?" Sometimes I get some funny melodies from there!

[ surprising no one. ]

What kinda stuff do you dream about, Ko?

[ please don't say getting stabbed ]

[Cole is definitely not judging, he's just waiting patiently for him to make his way over. In fact, he'll pick up his hat and put it back on to make sure it's not in the way, look how thoughtful he is. Sometimes.]

When I thought I had to sleep, if I dreamed, I would have bad dreams. Now that I have to, I dream about things I remember, mostly. Bad and not.

[Does that include getting stabbed? It is a mystery.]

It's strange. Sometimes it's memories I forgot, but the dream makes me remember.

[ adorable, cole. it's a simple action, but one that gets leo gently all the same -- almost like it's an invite for him to come closer, even if it isn't, not directly.

he's butt scooted enough to be close about a leg's length away from cole, as he adjusts to bring his knees up, his music sheets resting against his stomach. ]

Mmm, yeah! Those happen sometimes too, I guess!

[ he guesses... were leo tsukinaga someone with more than two brain cells, he'd say that he could use this as an opportunity to say that that's proof he wouldn't forget cole! because he's in his dreams, sometimes, so he'd remember Somehow-- ]

Do you like that? Like eating and sleeping and stuff? I guess you didn't have to do it before? I know Turi didn't have to eat when I stuffed some food in their face--

[ it's an honest question. as always, he wants to know more about cole...

and he'll get to the real reason he came out to see him later. for now, leo's fine with just this. ]

Edited (me like: did cole actually ever use those words MAKES IT MORE VAGUE ) 2020-12-08 01:07 (UTC)

No.

[Is that no he doesn't like it or no he didn't have to do it before? yes.]

When I thought I was a person- when Rhys was my friend, and before- I thought I needed to, so I did. But I didn't, and I'd mostly forgotten what it was like, until now.

[Which just makes it kind of inconvenient, in his book.]

Sleeping isn't as bad. It gets in the way, but it doesn't hurt. When this place remembered hunger, it hurt. It pulled me back into the Pit, numb fingers shaking on the hard stone, struggling breaths, heavy and heaving. I don't like starving. So I eat now.

[A good a reason to eat as any, I guess??]

[ hm. he's quietly pensive at that, expression vague and unclear. does he feel bad for cole, having to indulge in this human stuff that he hadn't needed to before? it is inconvenient, that's something they can agree on. but maybe it isn't bad, either, now that leo knows how it's like now to live without it.

and, um, is this a good opportunity for leo to take some lunch bread out of his hoodie's pocket?

because, he is. he's pulling some lunch bread out of his hoodie pocket, taking off the plastic wrapping and offering cole half. ]

Here you go. I don't like starving either, so we're the same! [ wow. he's talking from experience here. ] It's not supposed to feel like that unless you reaaaally forget for a long time... It's a pain, but not a pain, you know? This place can be kinda hardcore sometimes.

[ which is, um, putting it lightly. he's trying not to think about what it was like at it's most hardcore, so he just-- moves on from that, quickly. ]

Pop in for lunch with me, Sena and Naru sometime! Eating's pretty boring if you're doing it 'cause you have to... Maybe we can make it more fun for ya, wahaha!

[There's a pause as he looks at the offered bread before gingerly taking it, unaccustomed to this kind of familiarity as usual. He inspects and gives it a little squish or two, not trying to eat any just yet. He's not sure who Naru is, but if it's another friend of Leo's then they're probably nice too.]

[Has Leo starved before? That's something he might have known already, if not for how this place is.]

[He could ask about it instead, like he's had to for everything else now. Except he asks from what he considers to be a more important and direct angle:]

Have you died?

[ oh, cole. they really are getting closer, because leo's dumb ass doesn't choke on his half of the bread that he's bitten into no hesitation. it's such a direct cole way to ask something out of the blue.... leo can't help but laugh after he hums in slight surprise, though those are both muffled by the bread he's still got stuffed in his mouth.

manners. at least he swallows his bite before he speaks, amused. ]

You can be kinda hardcore too! [ going straight to DEATH. ] I could say sure, sure, if I wanted to get all deep about it! But it's not in the way you're thinking of, Ko.

[ it's in the enstars metaphorical way

can't leo just say no? no. because he's talked too much about dying like that to back out of it now?? ]

I get held up by what I'm doing, and sometimes my stomach cuts in and arranges whatever I'm playing with some grumbly sounds! Thaaat's as far as it goes.

Edited 2020-12-08 17:15 (UTC)

What is hardcore?

[Clearly an important detail if Leo keeps saying it. But also, he tilts his head.]

You've died, but in a different way?

[Not from starvation at least, it sounds like. That's good. And if it's like that, whatever he may mean, then it's probably different from real death, so that's good too. Even if it seems like death isn't as permanent as he once thought.]

We're the same in that way too, then.

[So long as they're comparing past traumas.]

Only a guy like you could ask two questions like that in one breath!

[ imagine. how funny, in a that really is so cole kind of way.

it's the comparison to something symbolically kind of morbid that leaves leo two steps away from cackling, but he's still smiling in a way that's probably inappropriate for the subject matter. it's a more muted kind of smile than his usual, sure -- one that says he's aware what cole means is something that'll hurt a bit to know, though leo's ready to know -- but it's a smile nonetheless.

first, however... something more lighthearted. leo likes balancing things like that: ]

Hardcore's like when you look at something and it's really intense! Or when something hits you really hard like wam-bam! Something that sure doesn't relax at all!

[ this is a horrible explanation ]

You're kinda like that. You ask stuff people wouldn't normally ask pretty easily, Ko. Not that it's bad for me! Maybe 'cause I know I do that too.

[ say things a little clumsily. clumsy enough to tell this to cole outright, yeah. ]

Edited 2020-12-10 02:59 (UTC)

[Leo's smile is different, but he's not sure what that means. Reading people by their expressions alone is hard.]

[He takes a moment to process that explanation... as well as he can, at any rate. So Leo thinks he's hardcore. And maybe Leo is too? Is this useful information? You never know.]

Asking isn't hard. Knowing without hearing is harder. It was clearer in the nightmare. I could hear when you resolved to cut me down, to protect what you really treasure. You tried to kill it, but I felt your regret, too.

[Which is definitely a super great and happy subject to bring up, welcome to friendship with Cole-]

But if it happened out here, I wouldn't know. People don't always say when they're hurting, even if you ask.

If you're ever hurting, I hope you'll tell me. I want to help.

[ jesus christ, cole.

he really had to bring up that thing again, huh? there are those slivers of old regret rising up again; those stubborn things that he'd tried to kill, as cole already said, but this time he doesn't.

leo tries not to linger on that, even as something in his expression sharpens a little. hilarious, coming from someone so previously entrenched in the past. but he's better now... trying to be. and they've had this conversation. is it bad that he doesn't want to come back to it?

soooo sorrrryyy, the bread, uneaten in cole's hands, is going to be taken and stuffed into his mouth playfully to stop any further mentions of STABBING and COMPLICATED, TIRING SHIT by one (1) leo tsukinaga. he sure is rude in a whole other different way. ]

Mmm... Y'know, answering can be just as hard as you trying to guess. [ ... ] People don't always say what's going on, 'cause that's their own personal war you're stepping into. If you crash in with a weapon, trying to win their battles for 'em without warning, it's like... "What the heck! Who's that? Is that an enemy? A friend?"

[ but. ]

I know you're a friend, so I'll tell you, sure. And you tell me too, 'cause that's what they're supposed to do and stuff.

[ AND STUFF ]

[Suddenly, bread??]

[At least that also gets him to try Eating said bread, taking a bite as he reaches up to take ahold of it again. Huh. This isn't anything like mushrooms. He pulls off a small piece to feed to the chicken nug beside him, which is more than happy to gobble it down.]

[But also...]

That's why it can be better when I'm forgotten. I don't have to be an enemy, or a friend. I can just help.

[Simple and easy. No fear or complicated feelings to make things hurt.]

[He's not doing anything to deny Leo's metaphor. As for Leo throwing his request back at him,]

... I'll try.

[Despite everything, he does want to try.]

[ cole,

leo, reaching into his pockets-- ]

Grrr... I'm all out! No ammo!

[ crap. cole was absolutely going to get another one stuffed into his flippin' mouth for that comment, too. maybe leo'll keep emergency pocket bread just for these moments? if anything, it would be worth it for cole's continuous reaction to it... this time it was kinda sweet, kinda funny--

how sad it's not an option here. leo has to use words. ]

Good! And work on forgetting about the f word-- ahh, I mean, work on not saying the f word! None of us are gonna do that, so we're gonna stop mentioning it, until you for--

[ --get it........

...... ]

How's the bread? Good, huh? Bread-y, huh? ♪

[ surprise! words are hard! ]

[The f word? Forget?]

But you're saying it too.

[yes thank you cole. He'd agree though, words are hard. He's also not likely to forget about forgetting, but maybe he'll try to mention it less around Leo. If he doesn't forget.]

Good...? Yes. It's softer than the mushrooms, and sweeter.

[He could get used to this, maybe.]

[ IGNORING THAT, CASUALLY, IN FAVOR OF TALKING ABOUT BREAD ]

Wahaha, right? Yum! Just think about bread! All the other stuff? Just fo-- [ fuck ] --Ahhh, cursed words! Just bread!

[ i hate everything i have to type

in pure leo fashion, though, this stupid kind of energy -- manifesting physically as leo frantically patting cole on the shoulder -- peters off into something much more muted, as he remembers. something.

why he even was looking out for cole in the first place, oh my god.

he's still patting cole even though he's not gremlin screaming. ]

Oh, yeah! Speaking of not doing the f-word... I got something for ya, Ko!

[ the whiplash of this conversation ]

[It's cursed now?? But he can't talk about it without bringing it up, so... he tugs another piece off to chew on. Just bread now.]

[Until Leo changes the subject once again.]

Something for me...?

[Other than bread, that is.]

Mhm! For you! Or... maybe it's more like something I did while being reminded of you? You can't make use of it the way people I make these for normally do, so...

[ unless cole is secretly an idol? but it's a treasured present nonetheless, these papers on his lap that leo's patting! how unfortunate that it's not more bread. just a bunch of squiggles and such overlapping bars on a page, with some notes here and there on the margins.

actually, let him pick them up and just!! raise them up in the air, as if displaying it proudly to cole.

there's maybe a really crappy, abstract rendition of his hat there where the title should be?? ]

Well, whatever! [ raising the sheets up higher!! ] Taaaa-daaaa~! It's a song! 'Specially made while thinking of you, by me! It's called-- maybe "The Sound That Goes Through My Head When I Look At A Floppy Hat?" I dunno! You like it, Ko?

[ he hasn't even heard it, ]

[He's curious about what Leo is talking about, and only starts to get the picture when he holds up... well, a literal picture, along with the music scribbled beneath it. Which he still can't read, but he can at least recognize it for what it is thanks to Leo showing him before.]

You wrote a song about my hat?

[Okay maybe he didn't entirely get what he was going for. But he doesn't sound incredulous- if anything, he sounds happy.]

Unless you're just a hat, nope! But I guess there is a part that's about that in there somewhere? I wrote it to be like... Uhh, wooooooooosh, getting louder, up to a high point! And then it comes down kinda wooooooooooooosh to a quiet part. Like your hat!

[ how anyone here gets anything these two talk about ever is a mystery of the world

leo does catch those hints of happiness, though. and that's enough to make him happy. ]

Wanna hear it? A concert just for ya and your friend! Aren'tcha lucky!

Edited 2021-01-01 10:11 (UTC)

[Cole finds his explanations plenty engaging at least, listening intently to his whooshing.]

It's about me, but it's shaped like my hat.

[Whether or not that's accurate, Cole seems pleased with the conclusion.]

Yes, I'd like that.

[ thanks for understanding him, cole. with that, leo's getting up in a somewhat dramatic fashion -- he tucks the sheets of music under one arm when he's finished jumping up onto his feet, using the other hand to brush away at whatever dirt's left on his pants.

and then he swings a little back and forth, stretching out whatever soreness he may feel from sitting down that long. ]

Mm'kay! It doesn't have any lyrics, so I'm not gonna sing it! Not that I wouldn't prefer to hear it on piano in the first place... I feel like tapping on some keys--

[ spoilers: he always feels like tapping on some keys, ]

-- Aaactually, the funnest part of this would be if you could hum it, Ko, but since you can't read music piano's the next best thing. Let's go to the music room!

[open] November catch-all

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