izumi "tomthottery" sena (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
obsessiveness) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
tabularasa_rp2020-11-02 06:48 am
obsessiveness) wrote in tabularasa_rp2020-11-02 06:48 am
( open ) it hurts i can't lie, remember those times
Who: izumi and you!
What: post-event stuff; dealing w dying and exploring the void and all that
Where: anywhere you want, babey
When: first half of november
Content Warnings: tba
[ even though izumi still has to recover from the shitstorm that is last month, he really isn't the homebody type. he does spend the first few days of the month cooped up in his shared room with leo to recuperate though, before putting on something warm and set out for the day. he has a bunch of places to visit now that this world spawned up a couple of new ones, and he heard that pieces of florence has manifested here...? ]
i. galleria de funghi
ii. trains
iii. yumenoshibuya academy
wildcard
What: post-event stuff; dealing w dying and exploring the void and all that
Where: anywhere you want, babey
When: first half of november
Content Warnings: tba
[ even though izumi still has to recover from the shitstorm that is last month, he really isn't the homebody type. he does spend the first few days of the month cooped up in his shared room with leo to recuperate though, before putting on something warm and set out for the day. he has a bunch of places to visit now that this world spawned up a couple of new ones, and he heard that pieces of florence has manifested here...? ]
i. galleria de funghi
[ oh how he wished he didn't fucking ask.
like okay, to be fair he hasn't dropped by any of florence's hit tourist spots back at his world since he likes to keep himself busy, but this certainly isn't the Galleria he's acquainted with. what the fuck. izumi explores the Galleria with a look of utmost bewilderment on his face, and when he gets to the infamous David statue -- ]
What. The fuck.
[ noooo who did this to you king. it's so absurd that izumi just... starts snickering to himself, his shoulders wracking in laughter. yep, he's finally lost it, because his sense of humor (if he even has any) doesn't usually stoop this low.
he can also be found with a basket, picking out mushrooms as if he's at a grocery store. at some point he's holding two of them - a handful of button mushrooms and a large portobello mushroom - and tries to make small talk with whomever's nearby.]
You know other places where I can cook? I don't wanna keep barging at the cafe all the time.
ii. trains
[ at some point, izumi will be caught up in a thunderstorm on the way home, so that means the train stations should be up and running right now. riding one brings forth a wave of nostalgia in him as he dreamily watches the shifting landscape outside the window --
until the thunderstorm stops. and so does the train.
ugh. he stomps over to the sliding doors and attempts to pry them open, but his twink arms are no match for it. defeated, he kicks the stupid doors in frustration. ]
Shit!
iii. yumenoshibuya academy
[ that's what he's calling it, okay! it just rolls off the tongue better.
anyway, the combination school/mall has become his solace over the past few months, loathe as he is to admit it. there are some places he hasn't gotten to yet, like looking through their wares. sadly there isn't much to buy here, so he has no choice but to peruse their jewelry and makeup collection, holding up an eyeliner and testing it out on his own. he can totally feel when someone's watching him though, so he's going to turn to the person responsible a little too abruptly, ruining his eyeline in the process. ]
Oi, stay quiet. I'm armed and I know how to use this, you know.
[ he clearly does know how to apply mascara that can kill a man, so don't underestimate him. ]
wildcard
[ let me know if you wanna do something else outside of these prompts! feel free to PM me or ping me atromanticizes! izumi can also be hit up at his shared room with leo if your character wants to visit him during his recuperation from death. ]
no subject
( and um, a horrible something else when he checks to make sure there's no injuries or anything and happens across that scar, but it's fine! )
needless to say, leo doesn't move from izumi's side for that whole hour. when izumi does finally bolt awake, the sheer, sheer relief leo feels offsets the guilt, and he grasps izumi's hand immediately. ]
Sena. I'm here. Wait, lemme--
[ he'll unwillingly pull away for a little to get izumi a bottle of water. look, he even uncaps it as he hands it over. he's being useful!! kind of! ]
no subject
now sated and hydrated, izumi unceremoniously throws the empty bottle onto the floor and makes a show of climbing onto leo's lap, clinging on to dear life as he trembles ever so slightly. he couldn't stand the heat on most days as it is, so experiencing hell for himself was on another level of discomfort that he doesn't want to go over again.
he should say something, now that his throat is no longer parched. but every time he opens his mouth he makes a sound like he's about to sob, so he grits his teeth, hands clutching at leo's shirt so tightly his fingers turn white.
just... give him a moment to recollect himself like this. ]
no subject
oh. this hurts. the short relief that leo may have experienced at sena being alive, somehow, is immediately replaced with the same feeling that ripped into him upon seeing the reminders of what happened on sena's back. from the sounds izumi's making to the feel of him trembling on him -- all of it honestly makes leo want to cry (again), and he can only bring his hands up to wrap his arms around izumi and hold him tightly, tightly, tightly in return.
he shouldn't do that so easily. probably. but it's the only thing leo can think to do, as he whispers out pathetically: ]
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry--
[ and maybe it's a little selfish, too, to burden izumi with his apologies so soon. but if he doesn't let them out he'll burst, as the worry and the regret and everything else threatens to choke him alive. there's a million other things he could say. things like i didn't mean it or i thought i already hit my lowest, until i thought i wouldn't see you again, but he'll stick with that for now.
leo doesn't know the full extent of izumi's experience, after all. he doesn't know what comes after dying, or what comes after dying in a dream. so... the rest of his response is only action, as he draws izumi closer if he's allowed.
izumi can recover at his own pace. he can say the first word, or the last word, or no words at all. leo's definitely, definitely, definitely not leaving. ]
no subject
but maybe it's high time he lets his guard down around leo now, in the privacy of their little apartment. slowly but surely he lets out one broken sob after another onto leo's chest, no longer caring that he's making a stupid mess on leo's shirt now. but he lets leo draw him much closer as he tightens his embrace around him, not willing to let go anymore. ]
It's... N-Not your fault. [ he manages to croak out after so much ugly sniveling, gross ] It was a nightmare. They said that th-the world was out to get us as usual, but...
[ no, it isn't fair to put the blame entirely on that place. it may only be a terrible dream, but they were both conscious of it in a way. they still have metaphorical blood on their hands.
after wiping his eyes on leo's shirt one last time, he sits up properly, cups leo's face in his hands and wipes his thumb over the other's eyes in case leo had started tearing up too. ]
...I'm sorry. I didn't-- I shouldn't have let go. In the first place, it was stupid of me to even do that.
[ like seriously, even he'd have the sense to hold on to leo even when arguing with him, knowing that the guy would just try to run run away... but it was izumi's turn to leave, and look where it had gotten them. ]
no subject
anyway, izumi doesn't need to hear that.
but it's why when leo gets the apology, his own tears that were being held back start running. he'd-- honestly thought he'd cried enough, back then and shortly after. nope, apparently there's more. it's easy to, when izumi looks at him like that and holds his face. he doesn't want to, he wants to be at least some semblance of put together as he attempts to support his most precious, beloved sena, but--
well, he always sees the worst, most embarrassing sides of him. ]
What're you saying sorry for? I wanna-- I wanna hear you, Sena, but I don't wanna hear that.
[ stupid. he's the last person that should apologize. ]
You don't get to say that, 'cause... I was being awful again. The stuff I said-- [ he exhales a bit, remembering it, remembering sena fall ] --All the stuff I said... I didn't mean that, okay? I didn't mean it. Any of it, except for the part where I trust you.
no subject
he falls silent, save for his shaky breaths, as he recomposes himself. ]
...I believe you. Which is why I hate myself for not doing the same when you needed it the most. [ with the way he shut leo down as they made their way down that corridor, thinking that he'd had it under control when in fact they were spiraling out of it. ] I guess when we saw the faces of those former Chess members, we just... couldn't help but see everyone else as our enemy.
[ first ren, then that other boy. izumi will ask who he is to leo some other time. ]
I can't deny that you messed up, but you have to accept that I messed up too. We can't-- [ he swallows ] -- We can't afford to go back to who we used to be anymore. This world is using our pasts to fuck with our minds, when we should've moved on by now. I mean, you've changed too, right?
[ leo may see himself as fragile, but izumi has always admired how he can manage to rise up the ashes in the end. he may no longer be the king, but izumi will continue to serve him as one regardless.
he moves to hold both of leo's hands, looking him in the (teary) eye. ]
I know I wasn't myself when you brought this up, but I really did mean what I said about carrying your burdens too. I-- [love you pops up in his mind just now, but he can't. not right now, when they're deathly vulnerable. ] You mean a lot to me, Leo-kun. I always want you to know that, even if I'm like this.
no subject
what's leo supposed to say to that? how is he supposed to respond? this wasn't how it was supposed to go, with his hands held and his shitty words stuck in his breathless throat, wide-eyed and mute. he wasn't the one that was supposed to be reassured, or warmed. even in the absolute depths of feeling like shit, izumi finds a way to forcefully pull him out.
that's-- always what he wanted. and what he wants to give, too. the him tinged in the times that they should've moved past said they hadn't learned anything at all but. but hearing this and having it strike his heart so strongly, hearing it come from izumi--
--yeah, they changed a lot. maybe leo questioned himself a bit... maybe he still is questioning himself a bit, maybe he'll question himself more later... but hearing sena speak like this is enough for him to believe that for right now. ]
Mm. Yeah. I can't beat you at all, can I...?
[ huh. that's what he can manage when his mind catches up with his racing heart. at the end of all this baffled thinking, these racing emotions, all he can conclude is the same thing he always has: sena's incredible.
with no further prompting, leo leans forward, laying his forehead on izumi's shoulder. and he struggles with it a little more, before he shows absolutely zero of the restraint that izumi is showing: ]
I wanted to make you feel like this, you know. But -- what do I say to that anyway, Sena? Do I tell you you're my most precious person, the one I love the most?
[ like he's told everyone else around them, all the time, but that he didn't quite tell to izumi when he came back. this is like the guilt -- another thing he needs to say before he bursts, all from hearing those words that lightened him so much.
he'll be better. he'll be better, and he'll support sena just as much as he's been supported. he owes him that, he owes him that and more-- ]
no subject
for a while, he doesn't. he lets those words hang in the air for a while, shifting to make leo more comfortable as he gently rubs his back. why even bother asking when he just went up and said it anyway? because as always, they always have an effect in izumi's heart, twisting in all the good and bad ways.
he wasn't the same person as he was a year ago, so he should say something to that. but not without a bit of a sniffle. ]
That's... more than enough.
[ haha, nailed it. just because they're no longer the same people as the previous year, or even after waking up from that living nightmare, there are just some habits you can't kick. like izumi's tsundere-isms, for one.
but one day, he'll be brave enough to tell leo outright. he owes him that much.
for now: ]
...Can we stay like this for a bit longer, though?
[ it doesn't matter if leo doesn't have the right words to say. right now izumi just wants his warmth and the sound of steady breathing, to know that they're both alive at this very moment. ]
no subject
--he's here, first and foremost. ]
Sure. Whatever you want, for however long you want. [ ... ] I want that too, so...
[ wow. embarrassing. but it's true. it's true, so he can say it, just like that. and he can follow it easily as well, as he remains leaning onto izumi's shoulder. he'll stay there, or at least close, until izumi says otherwise.
those hands running along his back do bring up specific things in the deluge of everything echoing in leo's thoughts, though. he doesn't want to pick on or linger on reminders that may hurt izumi, but he... kind of has to.
plus, he does want to make sure. ]
... It, mm. It doesn't hurt anywhere or anything, right?
no subject
[ on one hand, recounting what he'd seen there is going to be rough. but it may as well be a precaution for anyone who might go off the deep end like what they did.
so he braces himself, and tries to remember as he closes his eyes. ]
Dying hurt. I mean it's obvious, but-- After you die, you still get to experience an amplified sense of pain as you go through hell. Like, literal hell. What you see there is kind of depends on whether you believe in life after death.
[ so just imagine what he'd seen down there. needless to say, izumi wouldn't get a proper amount of sleep for the next few days, while the sunken, deathly faces of the late yumenosaki students continue to haunt his mind. he can't even bear telling leo that right now.
his hand grips on leo's shirt again. ]
...I also remember landing on my back. Tell me honestly, Leo-kun, is there--
no subject
he brings izumi a little closer. it's partially a form of comfort, more warmth and steady breaths that are a little shakier now. but it's also so he can bring hands up to izumi's back, as he places his chin on izumi's shoulder instead.
he nods. ]
Sorry... While you were asleep I checked. To make sure, you know.
[ that there weren't any injuries. he's quiet for a moment, wondering, hesitating, but eventually leo continues. there's a gentle tap of fingertips on what he recalls are the boundaries of the reminder on izumi's back as he speaks, voice quiet. ]
There's a scar. Here... to around here, I guess.
no subject
no, what's done is done. izumi had to shake the thought of his head as he buries his face onto the crook of leo's neck, sniffling a bit. ugh, he hates getting emotional over a scar but he just-- he can't afford to have one. he wouldn't be touted as the most beautiful in the world anymore. and leo probably wouldn't be as attracted to him anymore. it all sounds superficial, but izumi really does care immensely on what his loved ones think. ]
...Sorry I asked.
[ he doesn't want to talk about it as much as leo, so let's drop the subject for now. surely the underground mall would have concealers by the jarfuls somewhere. ]
Mm, wait, one more. [ shakes his head ] How long was I out... Have you eaten?
[ because it's also a miracle why they haven't died of starvation after not eating for a couple of weeks. pretty sus if you ask him. ]
no subject
that big of a scar would bother anyone, probably. while leo has some difficulty puzzling out what may go through sena's head at times, it doesn't take a genius to figure out that such a thing affects him more than most. "it's fine, it's okay, i still don't think there's anyone in the whole world that could draw me in as much as you" is something he considers saying in turn, but leo can't find a way to phrase it that doesn't seem like a cheap reassurance in the face of their circumstances.
though those circumstances are what confirmed and strengthened that thought. the way izumi asks a question like that after all he's gone through sets it into certainty, as leo can't resist the slight smile -- small, tired, but there -- into izumi's shoulder at that. ]
That's two more.
[ stupid.
he's not sure how to answer the question that comes first. it felt like forever and not, even without the feeling of time being odd here, or with leo being rather bad at keeping track of those things in general. it could've been ten minutes, for all he knows -- the longest ten minutes of his life, spent pathetically at izumi's side.
he's not even gonna answer the questions just yet, anyway. not when those questions trigger the tiny things he thought he'd never get again, and there's a lull where he has to come to terms with the fact that he almost lost this, again. where he did think he lost this, but here it is.
again. ]
... Hey, Sena. I missed you.
[ ah, ]
It's... there's a whole mess of things in my head that I thought I'd get all sorted out by the time you woke up. That sure didn't work out, huh? They're still there... all scrambled letters I can't put into words, scrambled words I can't put into sentences. I can say that one for sure, though. I missed you, more than when I left before, or... More than I missed anything ever.
no subject
You're... You're really going to make me cry again, you know?
[ stupid.
but he gets it. and it's a relief that it was all a bad dream albeit with severe consequences, because what are the odds of izumi not waking up after falling off the literal deep end? he'll never be able to hold leo like this, something that he never thought of doing even when they were sharing a roof in florence. cooking, cleaning, leo-sweetening -- he wouldn't be able to do that again if he's not careful.
and thus, bit by bit, he opens himself a little to leo, his first, dearest friend. ]
...I missed you too. I thought I lost you forever the first time, back in our second year. And I kept hoping that you'll come back, even if you won't be the same after that. [ he swallows down the residual guilt from that incident, and presses on. ] It almost happened again in our sleep, which was out of our own control. It was and wasn't our fault, and we shouldn't forget that. So--
[ for this he pulls his face away to face leo head on, his tear-streaked eyes filled with determination. ]
As much as possible, I don't want to go through something like that again. But I'd fight my way out of hell just to come back to you, Leo-kun. I... You have my word.
no subject
very suddenly, leo feels as if his heart's being embraced far too tightly. it's always been sena's words that leo took a bit more seriously... a boon and a bane, when the former's not always prone to saying what he means. here? certainly a blessing, strengthened (unfortunately) by the fact that such a grand phrase really was completely literal here.
even without that, though, leo would've believed it completely.
it's what makes his hands shake just the slightest, overwhelmed as he is. they shake when leo places one gently behind izumi's head to push him a little closer, so their foreheads can touch. shake when the other hand moves to grab one of izumi's, intertwining their fingers. shake when he repeats sena's words in his head as he forms his own. ]
I won't forget it... I couldn't forget it. Sena's poetic, pretty, painful promise -- or what got you to say it.
[ all the good parts of this, all the horrible parts of this... all the parts that were their fault, that weren't their fault... if they can heal their own wounds like this, he won't forget it.
a tiny breath, as he continues-- ]
... Now, um, listen to mine, okay?
[ --as he squeezes their joint hands-- ]
I'm gonna keep you by my side, Sena. So you don't gotta fight through something you shouldn't have to fight. Not alone. So I don't know what it's like to miss you, and so you don't know what it's like to miss me.
[ never again, ]
Mm, you have my word? Should I finish it with that too?
no subject
but now, he has to consider that every sentiment that they'll share with one another in this world might become their last if they're not careful. it's why he doesn't pull away when leo presses his forehead against his, why he's holding leo's hand just as tightly. leo may not know it, but izumi has always wanted to hear that from him - that he won't ever leave, that they don't have to fight on their own.
he's too overwhelmed to speak, so all he can do is nod fervently, managing a smile through all the tears. this is - so lame, coming from him. he's gonna have to build his bad bitch reputation from the ground up now. how annoying.
they stay like that for a while, until izumi yawns hugely and leans his head onto leo's shoulder again. ]
...Let's go to sleep, Leo-kun.
[ they're emotionally exhausted after all that, so a long nap is more than what they deserve. but just in case leo's still worried, izumi squeezes their hands together, slowly pushing themselves to lie down. ]
no subject
for the first time in a while, actually. maybe it'll take a little longer than usual, as he focuses on the fact that izumi's breathing beside him, and to make sure he drifts off properly, but it's all right. ]
'Kay. Haha, it feels kinda weird to choose to go to sleep after not doing it for so long!
[ meatmentos nightmarescape does not count as sleep. it doesn't count at all. ]
... I'll see you in the not-morning, Sena.
[ whatever the heck it is. he'll close his eyes for a bit and open them again to check up on sena when he thinks it's safe to like a fucking idiot, but he'll get to actually sleeping eventually.
mhm. for now, they're okay. and for that, leo's grateful. ]