tabularasa_rp | [open] I am me

Entry tags:

[open] I am me

Who: Kasumi Yoshizawa + you?
What: catch-all for January!
Where: various places around the Void
When: during January
Content Warnings: Persona 5 Royal spoilers in the thread with Parsee, and any other marked threads!

1. resolution
(after the New Year's Party)

[ Despite having helped out with the party, it's still a little strange to Yoshizawa that they're celebrating a "new year" at all. Time has been largely stable since her arrival in the Void, so she knows that for her part, she's only been here a few months... and when she was taken from home, it was March. So it's weird, a little.

Still, it's probably good for them to have some kind of system to track dates, right? And starting with January 1st makes more sense than starting anywhere else, especially given the fact that everyone seems to remember different days as being their last back at home.

It's her first new year since her life changed so drastically, and so something about the tradition of making resolutions speaks to her more than ever, this time around. Fresh starts, or something like that.

So as the party winds down, Yoshizawa can be found sitting at one of the tables in Heavenly Blanc, neatly-written kanji and kana lining the napkin in front of her, the girl adding more to it with each careful stroke of her pen, her brows furrowed in focus.

If she's approached, she'll look up in surprise, offering a shy smile to whomever is joining her. ]

U-Um, are you planning on making any resolutions too?

2. kichijoji

[ It's not just that Senpai and Akechi-san have already made the move to living somewhere in the newly-appeared place that's kind of Kichijoji. Like a few other places around the Void, the place feels something like home, much more than the apartments do. Plus, something about having two entire floors to herself speaks to her. She loves helping Ren out in the Heavenly Blanc, but for someone who loves cooking as much as she does, she can't help but daydream of a small stall where she can "sell" food for the other people who are living here.

It's not like they don't already have a lot of restaurants and the like, but...

Habit has her standing, arms at her sides, considering one of the shopfronts in front of her with a tilted head, as if goods line the outside just like they would back home. She's lost so deeply in her own thoughts that passersby won't even be greeted as they normally would, and any efforts to get her attention will result in her jumping, startled, before she bows. ]

I— I'm so sorry! I didn't see you there.

3. gym

[ In the Aoba Shibumenosaki Underground Academy gym, Yoshizawa is a completely different person - not unfamiliar to anyone who met her within the depths of the Mementos nightmare, but certainly unlike the girl who usually walks around the Void. Dressed in the academy's sports uniform (of course in a striking red), she can usually be found completing routines on the floor, practicing kickboxing or fencing (always versus nothing but the air in front of her), or occasionally using one of the machines to work up a proper sweat. A look of serious focus can always be seen on her face, and people who join her will be met with little more than a brief nod - at least until she's finished what she's currently doing.

Maybe this is how you find her, focused on the workout, or maybe you come across her when she's finished, sitting down against one of the walls and perhaps watching anyone still working out, hair wet from the showers and falling over her shoulders, a container full of food in her lap and chopsticks in one hand.

And it's not just you: that container of food really does seem to be far too big for someone as small as her... ]

4. wildcard

[ want to do something but don't like any of the prompts here? you can hit me up at denouements if you want, or just post something here! ]

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[ She's a little surprised at the idea that he's physically bound to the space that makes up his shop. But more on that later. What draws Yoshizawa's attention is actually the rest of what he said:

If you wish for something with all your heart, sometimes the universe listens.

And then:

I promised I'd wait...

Her brows crease, eyes closing as she tries to put to words the truth of what she's thinking - without being hurtful. ]

It's okay to wish for something with all your heart, Watanuki-san. But what about things the universe can't change?

I can't believe she wouldn't return to this world. She's... Yuuko-san. Had you met her, you'd understand where I'm coming from.

(it's said with all the politeness in the world, even if his expression is slightly less controlled, a bit nostalgic for starters. he takes a large drag, as to calm nerves, releasing through his nose.)

After all that I have seen, all wishes I've granted that aren't possible to easily comprehend, I cannot wish differently.

[ At any other time, she might simply apologize for confronting him on this. Honestly, the confrontational approach is not the one she would usually take. But something about what he said, those words, they remind her too much of herself. And that...

Yoshizawa takes a deep breath, her fingers tightening around the fragile material of the teacup. ]

What happened to her?

[ Somehow, she thinks she already knows the answer. ]

A powerful mage once had a fleeting thought that he wished she wouldn't die when her time arrived.

(a distant relative of his, so powerful he had to divide his own magic several ways, again, again and again.)

Like I became later due to the occurrence of the events I'm describing, she became frozen in time, opening the shop as she could foresee the moment it would be needed. When that moment came, her time started to flow again and she...

(passed. he cannot say it, so he just shakes his head, taking a large inhale as to breathe.)

Was gone.

[ For a long moment, Yoshizawa is silent, simply watching as Kimihiro shakes his head, breathing in the smoky air that wafts around him.

And then, she does something that surprises even her: She stands, abrupt in her movements, her hands curled into fists at her sides, a fierceness written into her usually-soft facial features. Once again, he is seeing the side of her that is stronger, backed up by a power that rests, waiting, deep within her - but he's also seeing Kasumi's fire, the bright passion of a flame that refuses to die despite everything. ]

Watanuki-san! You know as well as I do that the universe will not allow you to wish someone back to life!

(yoshizawa must have had lost someone too, otherwise this couldn't have enticed such a strong reaction. it's the second time he sees it in the same meeting, and whenever she stands firmer, he has triggered something in her, he's sure.

his eyes goggle slightly, surprised and sucking more smoke before he could give his piece. she forgets they're from a different universe. did he not say someone once wished her not to die and her time stopped? things are inexplicably possible.)

Neither would the universe allow someone to revert time, and yet, you're talking to the result of the universe's attempt to balance itself after someone did.

[ She doesn't understand what he's saying, and somehow that upsets her even more, the girl stomping small steps over the floor until she's face to face with him, enough that he'll see the tears gleaming fresh in her eyes, despite the anger written on her face.

What she says next will reveal not that she forgot about their circumstances being different, but rather that such things happened when they shouldn't. ]

Remember the person I told you about? The person who you said was wrong? That's... That's the kind of thing he did. He brought people back, people who were supposed to be gone. It's not— It isn't right.

[ Perhaps her insistence comes in part from her own desperate need to believe that what she's saying is true. If it's okay to spend every moment of your life rooted in place, waiting for someone to come back to life... If that's something that is okay, then has she been wrong in trying to move forward?

She shakes her head, her gaze dropping, a few stray tears dropping to the ground between her feet. ]

You know, Watanuki-san, I...

[ She shouldn't say this. She shouldn't. She barely knows him. And yet...

These are words that must be spoken. ]

Yuuko-san wouldn't want you to throw your whole life away waiting for her.

I cannot do that, Yoshizawa-chan. It's beyond my capabilities. All I can do is converse with those who have once passed and wish for her return.

(kimihiro is not clow, and even clow didn't do it. he simply wished yuuko to not die, and as a consequence, froze her in time. a long-distance relative, and kimihiro bears several resemblances with the mage when he was younger -- even the glasses on his face belonged once to him, found in a random small box with yuuko's symbol inside, like she knew his own would break.

she knew plenty of things. she surely knew that he would wait, or else she wouldn't have given doumeki a way to make kimihiro forget her. not that kimihiro even knows about that, instead, he just holds on to her belongings with his hand clutched on his chest, terrified of the thought of his memory being tampered with once again.

she's crying again and he wants to soothe, to protect and reassure, but the words? the words hit hard and he too bites his lip. she knows nothing, and yet, here she is, speaking her mind on a subject without anything to back herself. he wants to yell at her, but what good would that do? instead, he hides his nervous, trembling hands, and takes a second to recompose.)

I serve a very specific purpose, Yoshizawa-chan. One that she did once, as well. Even if she didn't want me to wait, I am physically bound regardless of that choice. I do what I can, I help others in ways that others can't. I'm finally fine with my existence now, much more than I was before. I wasn't supposed to exist in the first place. I don't expect you to understand my side, Yoshizawa-chan, but do comprehend that my reality is much different than yours.

[ She shakes her head. She didn't explain herself well, she knows that already, but she can't find a way to say the words she actually needs when the emotion is so high. She takes a deep breath, tries to find them. ]

I know you can't, and I know our realities are different. What I mean is... If that man would have to pay a price for what he did, then I don't think the universe would...

[ She pauses, shaking her head. She doesn't like the idea of telling him again that she doesn't think what he wants can happen, regardless of the differences between their worlds. So instead, she just sighs, turning back to the table to take another tissue.

She should just stick to talking about the things she truly understands, like... ]

You may be physically bound to your shop in your world, but if it does come here, and you're not... Watanuki-san, if your purpose is different here, then you should allow yourself the chance to experience different things.

[ She's not going to say it again, but she's sure that Yuuko would not want Kimihiro to sit around just waiting. Not when there's so much life to live. ]

My purpose will reveal itself changed if it is meant to be.

(because that, too, is hitsuzen. there's nothing that rings truer to him than that, and so it shall be.

it's tough -- explaining things. explaining his way of life, his existence, when everyone around him doesn't have the same view, the same experiences that he has had. when none of them have met her, and just how much was left unexplored, unseen, to be continued. his own heart is beating a thousand beats per second, and his eyebrows nearly meet in the center of his forehead before he can sigh.)

I'm old, Yoshizawa-chan. (trembling hands pick up the teapot, and he serves another round of tea. it's an attempt at peace, meeting halfway.) I have been waiting for generations. I cannot ask you to understand or accept, but I will ask you for your patience if it's not too much trouble.

[ Once again, his words leave her silent for a time, watching as he pours a fresh round of tea for them both. She understands why he's pouring, the attempt for peace between them. But there's one more thing she has to say before she can let it completely go, and she can't stop herself from putting a gentle hand on his wrist, a serious, gentle look in her expression. ]

Of course I'll be patient, Watanuki-san. B-But... please also consider... perhaps this place is... M-Maybe that's what this place is for you?

[ She offers him a small, embarrassed smile. It's not like her to put her foot so strongly down about something, at least not without Ella's bravery pushing her forward like it does in Mementos. Still, she owes him an apology, doesn't she?

A deep breath, the girl looking into her tea for a moment before she looks up at him again. ]

Watanuki-san, I... I am truly sorry for becoming so passionate about this. I- I have also experienced loss, and...

[ Another deep breath, a small smile. ]

My name is Sumire.

I'm sorry for your loss.

(even if sumire has experienced loss, most people can't relate exactly to what is kimihiro's own encounter with death. being as old as he is, he watched as his friends aged and passed, and it will remain as so. he's chained by the unmoving passage of time and who knows when death will knock on his door, if it even will as he slowly transitions into another state of being. kimihiro will be all alone one day, perhaps even die like so, and it's a great deal of anxiety that punctures him in the spine as the thought arises.

his breathing shallow as he attempts to recenter himself, to accept the information she's willing to give away in return for the confusion.)

Sumire is a beautiful name. How is it written?

[ Of course, she has no way of knowing what he's thinking. But suffice it to say, her own experience with death is also remarkably unique, albeit in an entirely different way. It's not something she plans to bring up now, not with how upsetting the conversation has already become... but later, perhaps, another day; another chance to figure things out for both of them.

So she's quiet after she speaks, after he speaks, sipping at the tea until he asks how her name is spelled. ]

A-Actually, my parents chose just to write it in kana... I suppose if I were to write... to write it in kanji, I'd use this spelling...

[ She places the cup down for a moment, and traces the letters 紫 and 花 on the back of her hand. ]

(there are so many ways to write it, so kimihiro just comes closer to her a little as she writes her letters on the back of her hand. he gives back the favor, mimicking her way of showing her kanjis -- 四月一日君尋 on the back of his hand. april fool's, prophet.)

Here's mine.

[ The thing about names is that they can be spelled in any way a person wishes. Especially nowadays, there's a trend of given names being entirely unrelated in pronunciation from the kanji that make them up. So it's not for that reason that Kimihiro's name surprises her.

The actual kanji he draws, though? If it wasn't for the New Year's party at the Heavenly Blanc being only a few days ago, and the fact that as far as she knows him so far, he isn't really the joking type, she would be disinclined to believe him. ]

Y-You know, Watanuki-san, your given name makes a lot of sense. The meaning, I mean...

[ She glances up at him with a brief smile, still not entirely sure how she's going to bring up the other part. ]

Prophet, mhm? I suppose that makes sense, knowing divination.

(although he did hear a bunch about 'watanuki' and 'april's fool' and all that... the tradition of padding and kimonos, protecting children... names are surely precious in kimihiro's world, so he simply takes a sip of his tea in thought.)

Names are important, you know. It's a promise from day one.

[ She nods. She's heard of it before, of seimei handan and how names can be used to predict fortunes. She doesn't really know a lot about how it works, only that it's something that older generations find important - and some younger ones, too. The idea that a fortune could be told from something so simple amazes her... and she can't help but wonder if perhaps Kimihiro knows how to divine from names.

Although... ]

I— How do you mean?

[ Suddenly, the only thing she can think about is her sister. ]

I'm sure you heard of seimei handan. It was proposed after Meiji era, at a time when people started to use last names and were becoming more and more interested in the good or bad quality of the name. It's like you're making a promise to your child of what they're to become, or what it's expected of them.

(although he says all this, there's a part of him that feels like she already knows of it. he takes a large inhale, letting the smoke leave through his nose.)

Although I'll admit, it's likely that 'Watanuki' isn't my real name.

[ She nods in response to the statement. Yes, she knows seimei handan, but admittedly she has never really thought about it before as a promise. In modern times it's certainly not considered as important as it was in the past. But still...

Her brows lift in confusion in response to his comment. Is this about what he said before? She has no way of knowing, but... ]

You don't know your real name?

No.

(but it's not said with any hint of sadness, perhaps indifference at this point. he's sold his memories for a reason, and a good one, and while it means he has several holes where his memory should be, that part of his past affects him very little. he made a decision, and that is final.)

It isn't for me to know at this rate.

[ It's strange to think that, had Dr. Maruki's plan gone as he wanted, she would no longer know her real name, either. Sumire would be her sister, dead and gone. That's why, even though Kimihiro doesn't seem sad about it, she can't help but feel some small sadness on his behalf.

But even with that... ]

Did you choose this name then, Watanuki-san? Or did someone give it to you?

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[open] I am me

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if I didn't already say p5r spoilers I am SAYING IT NOW

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