tabularasa_rp | 006 - Connecting Lines, Connecting Lives

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006 - Connecting Lines, Connecting Lives

Connecting Lines, Connecting Lives New Imprints ▲ Comments The Ground Shakes
It begins unremarkably enough, with the light tremors of the ground so small they might easily go unnoticed, or else dismissed as the movement of some creature nearby. As time goes on, however, those little tremors begin to grow in both strength and duration, the length of time shortening between each one. To begin with only small, light, unsecured objects are rattled loose by the rumbling of the ground, but as the tremors grow in strength there is a growing danger of much larger things being moved.

The realm’s clear lack of understanding of how things work cannot be relied upon in such a situation. If the tremors have grown strong enough to throw all the books of Hammerhead to the ground and throw over all the clothes rails and capsule machines and furniture in the Academy, then what if they grow strong enough to move the heavy blanket of snow atop Mount Silver? What if they grow strong enough to damage the caverns within?

Then there is the question of how, or why, the realm has made the land shake. It must surely have picked up the idea of an earthquake from someone, right? An answer to the question is not immediately forthcoming, but should one stay low to the ground and listen, they might well hear the muffled, distorted sound of screaming.

Creature Chaos
As the rumbling and shaking continues, it is clear to see that the local wildlife has been disturbed, and they seem remarkably active. Critters can be seen running and flying to and fro, and any who go out to investigate may find themselves the center of attention. Brushboys may paint arrows on the ground in an effort to lead them somewhere, or bluurgobos might actively offer rides, or the flying cat-like creatures will excitedly circle someone before attempting to lead them somewhere. Going along with them will lead to one of two places:

The meaty, pulsating, cavernous tunnels of Mementos shudder and convulse in a way quite unlike before, and closer inspection will quickly reveal why. The flesh has been cut and torn, hacked apart, leaving gaping and bleeding wounds to spill over the subway tracks. Whichever critter has brought someone here excitedly gestures towards the wounds, and as it does a giant and painful shudder goes through the tunnels and shakes the earth. All those earthquakes… could this be the source?

The road to the Hammerlocke Citadel Ruins are as long as winding as ever, and precarious with the risk of an earthquake dislodging snow and rock from the mountainside. The animal that has taken the lead is on a mission, however, as unclear as that mission might be. On arriving, it turns its attention to a group of the spiky, bear-headed beasts that are lazing about as though the land is not currently shaking and quaking around them, and tries to draw their attention. Clearly, these bear heads are expected to do something, and they aren’t doing it.

First Words
Though the tremors have finally stopped, they have left a significant change to the World in their wake. Where the ground above was once flat and untouched, there now lay cracks and fissures that glow with a strange, but enchantingly warm light. There doesn’t seem to be a single area that has been left untouched by them - though the number of cracks are denser in some places than others, it’s difficult to find a place completely devoid of them. Could this be the world’s attempt at trying to heal itself?

If all of that wasn’t enough to warrant investigation, the sound of whispers that appear to be coming from they might do the trick. Upon closer inspection, however, it becomes apparent that the whispers aren’t coming from the lights, but from inside your own head. Focus a little more, and some of the voices may sound familiar…

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[It's forced honesty, in a way; Akechi almost relishes Ren's discomfort. If it weren't affecting him, too, he'd be more pleased about it, but you know. At least both of them are suffering.

He takes a sip from his water and returns his gaze out over the empty city, watching the subtle telltale glow of blue-white fissures glimmering across the streets.]

Did you investigate Mementos?

I did, before I found you.

(Which makes it rather clear that he knows what was causing the earthquakes. Cauterized wounds and jagged cuts are too characteristic for him to think otherwise.

Still, Akechi's question doesn't answer his own.)

Hm.

[He hums quietly, his gaze flicking toward Ren's face again in an attempt to measure his expression. Is he angry? He should be. Sad? Pitying?

why don't you hate me]

I don't intend to apologize. In fact, I'm certain there are some who would be quite pleased with our new form of "communication."

I don't want you to apologize. You didn't know.

(There was no way Akechi knew there would be such dangerous consequences. It did nothing when they were stuck there for once. Ren just looks serious, perhaps nervous.

The thought reaches him and Ren goggles his eyes in surprise.

Is this what goes in your mind when we're together? That I should leave you? That I should hate you?)

I don't want to hear it from your thoughts. I want to hear it from you. What's going on?

You should, [he snarls, answering the thought because what fucking difference does it make, apparently. Even in his worst moments, he could retreat into his own mind. No longer. His bare hands grip the glass hard enough that he thinks he could shatter it if he really put his mind to it. He could hurl it from this balcony and watch it shatter, just like he'd done a few hours ago with that Molotov.

He doesn't. He sets the glass aside on the little table they use when they eat outside and folds his hands instead.]

You know, Damien-san said something interesting, a long time ago. Before we left. I mentioned how Yoshizawa-san told me about awakening Hereward, and he made the observation that perhaps I'd been able to achieve some kind of inner peace. Reconciling my justice with the urge to destroy.

[His knuckles whiten as he squeezes his own hands, fingernails starting to dig into the backs of his hands. It's quiet, full of bitterness as he adds quietly,]

I have found no "peace."

(Few things have been keeping Ren together, with how tired he is, how much he has had to deal in so little time, not mentioning home. Not mentioning feeling Akechi slipping through his fingers again, even if it wasn't how he expected. Hearing that Akechi seems to want Ren to leave is getting on his nerves and he had to remind himself of what he heard before Akechi thought before he left.

"Please don't leave me, even if you should". He's scared, isn't he?)

What did you find instead?

[He shrugs, the bitterness from his voice sharpening his humorless smile.]

I think I'm simply not suited to an environment where things are going well.

[how fucking BROKEN am i]

So I suppose I should thank you. Whoever I would have been in Maruki's reality would not have been me.

Why didn't you talk to me?

(You know, instead of taking out his anger on the first thing he found.

Ren takes a sip of the soda, it nearly choking him down his throat.)

And said what, exactly?

[His teeth grind together, but oh, they've opened the gates now, haven't they? His fingernails find the edge of a bandage and dig beneath it, tugging at the gauze until it hurts.]

Tell me what the fuck I'm supposed to say.

[It's a plea disguised as a command as he glares into Ren's eyes, shoulders shaking with the force of his emotions. don't go don't go don't go please don't leave me too]

(His mouth opens, he's about to make his point when the words invade his mind's space. That, coupled with how Akechi was fidgeting with his bandages, with his own pain, Ren has to recenter. It's gentle the way that he takes Akechi's hands to himself, trying to make him stop and listen.)

Goro, I'm never going anywhere that isn't beside you.

(I won't leave, no matter how hard things get.)

You've no sense of self-preservation at all.

[He squeezes Ren's hands, feels his nails start to bite into the other boy's skin and abruptly yanks his hands back.]

Do you know why I went into Mementos? It's so I wouldn't take my sword to every breakable thing in this apartment. Tell me, is that the behavior of a rational man?

Inside.

(While the nails hurt, Ren barely flinches. It's not the first time. He feels like this fight might escalate, and while there isn't anyone in the streets that he can see, he sure isn't just going to assume that they're safe. Ren takes his can, but doesn't drink from it, leaving it at their desk once he is inside.)

You not breaking our apartment and knowing it'd be wrong, redirecting your anger elsewhere? Sure does.

(Why are you angry? Was it something I've done?)

I need you to listen to me.

(I know you're scared. How can I make you understand?)

I'm not angry at you. We've had this conversation before -- I know this frightens you. I know you have things to work through, Goro. I accept you the way you are. Why can't you accept that? I'm not leaving.

[He hides a sneer when Ren tells him to move inside, recognizing it as petulant. Their apartment, normally so open and airy and welcoming, feels stifling right now as he glares at the other boy.]

What, [he says again, breath coming hard through his nose,] do you want me to say? You ask for answers I don't have, Ren, both what you say and what you think. One may as well ask why and how you can love so unconditionally.

(He's fuming. Not because Akechi brings out his thoughts, but simply for the fact that they can be heard. When rhetorical questions, not the ones he means to ask, turn into reality by these goddamned little goos in the creeks of their floor.

Unlike the other, he's not one to lash out. It's not Akechi's fault that he can hear it, and once again, he reminds himself to keep his attention on the air entering and leaving his lungs, empty his head of unwelcomed thoughts. There must be a way to turn this off.)

Those questions were not for you.

(A breath in, a breath out.)

I accept and love you for what you are, Goro. I hope you can accept that one day.

(He removes his turtleneck, only to give way for the sweatshirt he's putting on.)

[It hurts. Ren's words dig into his chest and settle into his heart like a weight that makes him feel too much. They have an air of finality about them, like Ren's willing to accept that as the end of the conversation.

He just stands there in the middle of the room and watches Ren, focuses on simply breathing and not grinding his teeth into pulp. Eventually, like a puppet with cut strings, he sags onto the couch and stares straight ahead.]

Masayoshi Shido, [he murmurs, quietly enough that if Ren wanted to pretend he couldn't hear, it would be easy to act like it's too soft,] had a terrible temper. Paperwork strewn about, bottles broken, people beaten. You experienced the consequences of his anger firsthand.

I do not want to be like him.

(While Akechi digests the words, Ren finishes changing into something more homely, more comfortable. He did think the conversation was over, Akechi surely didn't seem willing to continue it, to talk to him. With the way things were, Ren preferred not to push, but then Akechi speaks properly, even if it's soft and quiet, barely audible if he hadn't been paying attention.

Following the other to the couch, Ren sits, ready to listen with a hand offered to Akechi, as if he was giving the man another chance to take it.)

[He doesn't look at Ren as he sits, doesn't seem to see the offered hand. Maybe he doesn't even see his own hands folded and clenched between his knees as he stares straight ahead.]

You have an unparalleled ability to empathize with the people around you, [he continues finally, just as quietly.] Like you can feel their pain for yourself. Their happiness is your happiness, their sadness is your sadness. I... do not think I am capable of that. Not genuinely. Not like you.

[He snorts through his nose, lips twisting into a bitter, humorless parody of a smile.]

Pathetic, isn't it?

No.

(While Ren would be the first to argue that he isn't anything special, he also knows that not many people are capable of his level of empathy. One could even argue that it's not a healthy one, given how it moves him into reckless action.

Akechi had to care for himself, where would he find space to learn how to care for others while dealing with so much as he was?)

It's just different.

Different, but not better.

[He grips his own hands more tightly, still not daring to look at Ren. He opens his mouth, closes it, scowls and shakes his head. Normally he can simply think his way through anything, decide the best words to use for any given situation. But with the threat of the ley-lines projecting his innermost thoughts for not only Ren, but for the entire Void to hear, he has to keep up a certain effort not to let his own mind wander too far. Like he has to project a curtain of static to keep him from letting his brain dip into the magic.]

Sometimes, I think anger is the only emotion I can truly understand, [he murmurs, exhaling through his nose. His words are slow and deliberate as he tries to think himself through what he means to say without letting the magic take hold of his thoughts.] And even you have to admit that isn't normal.

It's normal if it's all you've ever felt.

(And Ren knows it is. From when his mother was alive, the disgust and anger towards his father for drowning her in such circumstances. After she had passed, the fear of abandonment and the resentment for never staying in the same place, the wrath of being unwanted.

Akechi has never learned otherwise. It's the chains that hold him in place, that hinder his growth. It's the chains that Ren, the trickster himself, is trying to break and show him differently. He loves Akechi, he isn't going anywhere.)

Be patient with yourself.

And when that anger boils over into hurting you?

[He does turn to look at Ren, then, meeting his eyes and refusing to flinch as he tries to convey just what it is that this comes down to. His outlets for containing that anger are violence. Ren knows that just as well as Akechi does. This latest incident is only the beginning.]

You fear people abandoning you when they learn that you were imprisoned. Are you not equally as afraid that I'll turn people against you through my own actions?

(Akechi is finally talking to him, and it would feel shitty to not be just as equally open and honest. His hand rests on Akechi's cheek, a gentle caress.)

Different trauma.

(Because it is a trauma. An unprocessed fear of being mistrusted brought by consequences of his rather fair and just actions.)

You react this way because it's what you were taught. I'd like to show you differently, if you'll let me.

(This conversation on itself is a start.)

Trauma.

[Akechi repeats it dryly, as if he can't quite believe that's the word Ren's chosen to use. It doesn't seem like the right word; he wouldn't call himself traumatized. He'd consider himself a highly-functional person, really.

But then again, that's a knee-jerk defensive response, isn't it? Maybe Ren's right. Hadn't he just admitted that he's not reacting to things in a normal way? He frowns, eyes flicking away from Ren's momentarily before he exhales a heavy sigh through his nose and turns more fully toward him, letting his forehead come to rest on the other boy's shoulder.]

Just don't treat me like a child, [he says quietly. An order, but as is so often the case with Ren, also a plea.]

(The promise Ren makes is initially a non-verbal one, an arm that gently snakes around the other's shoulders to pull him a little closer, a nod that confirms that he won't. As often is the case, many times Ren thinks he's displaying an act of affection and understanding, and Akechi processes it differently.

He too can do his part, find a way to make the other more comfortable and avoid these patterns of behavior. With the full knowledge that they aren't the most healthy couple, Ren can consider today a small step towards it. They'll get there one day.)

I won't.

[He closes his eyes and just lets himself rest against Ren's shoulder a little longer, allows himself to accept the arm around his shoulders. Perhaps these little gestures Ren offers aren't the empty reassurances one gives a child, but simply his attempt at affection. Perhaps, perhaps.

Cautiously, he lifts a hand and lightly grips Ren's waist, holding him back in a tentative hug.]

Tell me, [he murmurs without lifting his head,] What will you do if I continue to tear at the walls of Mementos?

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