pinwheels: (037)
π“‡π’Ύπ“ƒπ‘œπ’Ά π’½π‘’π’Άπ“‡π“‰π’Ύπ“π“π“Ž ([personal profile] pinwheels) wrote in [community profile] tabularasa_rp 2021-02-23 04:35 am (UTC)

There were a lot of different things to process from what Parsee told her. She had disappeared, then, like Rinoa had originally thought. But like Cole and the others, she'd come back... only to... hide from her? Considering how often the raven-haired girl had insisted Parsee wouldn't do exactly that, there was something of a sting in the new knowledge, but where others might have been angry about it, Rinoa was only sad.

Maybe someone else would've been mad, too, that the confession came at Parsee's weakest, at the inherent manipulation, whether intended or not, but that only brought sadness with it too, a guilt that she hadn't been there for Parsee as much as she would have wanted to.

But she didn't bring it up. In the moment, they had much bigger things to be concerned about, didn't they? For one...

"Parsee..."

Later, she would be mad at herself for being as naΓ―ve as everyone had always said she was. Somehow, she'd convinced herself that everything would work out okay, that no one would have to get hurt. But seeing Parsee like this was enough to tell her that that could never have been true. Even beyond the strange illness that had taken the other's feelings hostage, as she looked at her, listened to those words of confession, Rinoa realized for the first time that no matter what, someone would end up hurt through all this. Possibly even everyone.

And that thought only brought with it more guilt. Despite having encouraged Parsee to take the time to sort her feelings out, she was still entirely unsure of her own, beyond wanting Squall here. And if he did come, what then? If she told Parsee "yes" in this moment, only for him to show up in the Void too... who would be left hurting? She was far too honest to even try to convince herself that she wouldn't want to run back to his side in a heartbeat. How would that be fair?

Or what if they never found their way home - what if she never saw Squall again? What if she gave up the chance to have something out of the fear of hurting someone?

Then again, what if she did agree, started something only to have it wrenched away by one or both of them being sent back home?

There were so many possibilities, so many ways things could change from here. And for a moment Rinoa couldn't help but think it might be easier to just agree, to spare Parsee the pain in the moment and worry about the rest as it came. But... the disease sprouted out of not sharing feelings honestly, right?

"I... I don't know." Rinoa took a deep breath, and offered the other a small smile; weak, but genuine. "I wanna tell you that I can be that person for you, because... because I don't want to see you hurting. But I also know that if I'm being honest, I can't promise you that I'll ever stop wanting Squall here." Maybe that would change, as time passed... but what sort of person would she be if she let Parsee hold onto that thought? "And you know you deserve better than that, right? You deserve to be with someone who knows what she feels and what she wants. And right now I don't know any of those things."

She reached out, took Parsee's hands in hers. "I promised you that I'd think about it, if this was your decision, and I'm gonna keep that promise. I'll think about it, okay? As quickly as I can. But I can't make any new promises right now."

Post a comment in response:

This account has disabled anonymous posting.
(will be screened if not validated)
If you don't have an account you can create one now.
No Subject Icon Selected
More info about formatting