tabularasa_rp | [open] because i can only be me

[Even now, it's amazing how starkly different the two of them can be. The idea of being noticed and what that might do to his reputation sends a shiver of fear through his heart, as much as he tells himself it doesn't matter, here or anywhere else. He doesn't have much of a reputation to loose, and any association with Ren, good, kind, helpful Ren can only be a benefit. But it's there all the same, visceral and uncontrolled.

And then revulsion, even stronger than the fear. Prisoners. Of course they're prisoners. They need to focus their power and energy to break free of this place, rip it apart and shred it until there's nothing left of it, not Heavenly Blanc, not the bathhouse, not a single fucking thing in this stark-white, empty world.

And then, finally, a hopeless kind of amusement, a laugh bubbling up from somewhere deep inside him and finally making it out, a raw noise of pure, unstoppable emotion.]

It's that easy, is it? [And maybe his voice is a hiss, like a shout that he just can't get enough air into, because of all of that, he can't understand it. He can't make sense of why, if he wants to live without regrets, Ren even bothers associating with someone like him.] To live a life without regrets? Did you forget what I did to you? To you and your friends? Is it more convenient for you to forget everything I've done because you're lonely?

[It's a snap, a sharp rebuke, a reflex slap away of a kind and gentle hand that he can't understand.]

(They will always circle back to it, won't they? Ren cannot stress this enough - he has forgiven him a long time ago, but it doesn't seem to make through Akechi's thick skull. Idiot.

He already had when the gates closed in front of his very eyes, when he witnessed Akechi's defeat and when he believed to have lost him. It's no wonder why his glove always sits within the pockets of his blazers.

At the idea of him only doing this because he's lonely though is what makes him narrow his eyes, what directly pokes a reaction amid all the taunting. What the hell?)

I am not lonely, Akechi.

(After all, he is friends with the majority of the void, a good number of them keeping him company constantly.)

I've already told you I forgave you. It was literally the first discussion we've had. Do you think the two things are related?

Edited 2020-08-24 11:57 (UTC)

[He says lonely, because it's a nicer word, but he simply means horny. If any other Phantom Thief were here, wouldn't they be the subject of Ren's affections? Any one of them would be a better choice than someone like Akechi. A better friend, a better companion. Probably not a better lover, but the other two are infinitely more important.]

You don't just forgive the things I've done. I'm not a charity case for your savior complex.

[There are so many things that he'd done, from the death of his mother to half the things he'd done for his father, that are beyond forgiveness. That Ren doesn't have the right to forgive him for. He might have killed god, but he didn't take his place as a savior to absolve man of sin.]

Bottom line is.

(He's running thin on patience. It just feels like talking to a wall - doesn't matter how many times he explains it or how many different ways he frames it, Akechi never seems to listen.

Talking is already hard as it is. This level of forthcoming that isn't done through actions is very new to him and it's exhausting, his brain already starting to shut down through the bullshit.)

If you don't want it, it's fine. I can live with it and it's not a problem. I'm sure you have your reasons.

(If you don't want me, he means to say, but that bit gets stuck in his throat.)

What I don't accept is you kissing me with the same hunger, then giving me a sad attempt of a lie and then proceeding to tell me I'm better off without.

(Like Ren's the only horny one, Akechi.)

This is bullshit and you know it.

(Is this the first swear anyone has ever heard come out of Joker or even Ren? Possibly. Even so, the hand moves to his shoulder, where the one evidence that it happens sits, the almost faint half moons that Akechi pierced through his skin.)

Edited 2020-08-24 19:13 (UTC)

Don't be so childish.

[He glares with naked hatred, gaze sharpening on Ren's, but if he looks closely, there's just fear hidden behind all that vitriol. He can't tell him the truth, not after he'd so easily swallowed the lies Akechi had already fed him, but maybe he can at least make Ren think. For once in his stupid life.]

Let's suppose you're right. Fast forward until we return to our own reality. Worst case scenario, I'm in prison for the rest of my life for what I've done. [He clicks his tongue, waves a hand, lip curled in distaste. Even if his crimes were in the Metaverse, he'd entrenched deeply enough into Shido's conspiracy that they'll find a way to imprison him, whether he confesses or not.] Best case scenario, I'm dead before you even get out of juvie for their trumped-up crimes. You changing Shido's heart kicked up a hornet's nest of powerful people, and to his goons, I'm another loose end who mysteriously disappeared when their beloved ruler was taken out.

[He meets Ren's eyes with a steady gaze. They're all plausible hypotheticals, assuming he's not killed outright in that cursed engine room. It's dangerous to even say this much, to make Ren question his resolve, but he needs to know.]

Do you honestly mean to tell me that you'll face Maruki "without regrets" if you get involved with me?

Edited 2020-08-24 19:27 (UTC)

(God, Akechi talking again was such a relief for his brain. It had almost drained all his energy, the never-ending explaining and sharing, and he almost resorted to putting a pin in this conversation should he have to continue. Not that it would make much of a difference - it's not like they get to rest their brains here.

He listens, though. It brings a gloom to Ren's face, not as much as regret but more of anger, again. Just how messed up can they get? Either way.)

If I'm right, isn't all this even more reason to do it?

(Just. Allow themselves to be at peace, doing whatever they want if their fates are once more wrapped in an unfair game with almost no chances of winning. At least for the time being.)

I'd hate it.

(A beat.)

But what's right is right. This fight not about me, after all.

Edited 2020-08-24 19:29 (UTC)

[Akechi swallows hard as Ren speaks, mouth dry as he waits for the other's answer. This is quite literally the most important question of his life, after all, even letting Ren get the implication that he might be dead. His eyes stay on him, studying his face, his eyes, his body language, searching for any hint of deceit or that he might be wavering.

Maybe it's egotistical, to think that after Ren's friends were willing to give up their false realities and happy families to return to the real world, that Ren of all people would hesitate to do the same. And yet, inexplicably, it's probably because of Ren that Akechi's even here. He can't ever forget that.

So when he agrees, all of Akechi's breath leaves him in a weary sigh. Does Ren truly understand?]

Look me in the eye, [he says quietly, as seriously as he's ever said anything in his life.] And give me your word that no matter what happens, you'll change Maruki's heart. I'm done being manipulated.

(As Akechi should. He'd been manipulated by Yaldabaoth, by Shido, even by Ren himself, to which he very easily justifies as comprehensible. Seen that it did save his life and all.

Of course the seriousness of the words hit him first more than anything. The tension can be cut with a knife, easily, and Ren is attentive. This is a first for him too, this tone and this sort of behaviour from Akechi, as if his life depended on this one response.

One that, as per usual, only Ren has a say in the matter. Certainly he doesn't waver, no hesitant words coming out from the lips, although there is a certain tension tugging at Ren's shoulders, like there isn't anything more important than what he was about to say, like he should choose his words very carefully.

Good thing his brain already picked up on the working braincells that made him coherent. Quiet, but straight to the point in his resolves. The eyes are piercing through Akechi's own when he says the words.)

Wouldn't ever be any other way.

[He doesn't even hesitate. It's that quiet, steady resolve that drew Akechi to him in the first place, as far back as the TV studio.

A corner of his lip curves up into the barest of smiles.]

Good.

[He sets his hands on the bar and pushes himself to his feet, reaching for his jacket and pulling it on. His mind is racing, heart pounding, but as always, he keeps it from his face through practice and willpower alone.]

The curry was excellent, [he says, as if this were just a normal conversation, and nothing something entirely reality-shifting all on its own. He grabs his briefcase off the nearby chair, for all intents and purposes looking like he's about to leave.]

As for the rest... [he looks back over his shoulder, the smirk and challenge visible in his eyes.] I'll think about it.

[There's no going back.]

(Akechi is such a pain.

After all this, he still manages to pretend this was such a normal conversation, like he hadn't just put Ren in such a do-or-die position... Not that he minded too much.

The compliment is received with a smile, albeit it's faint from how exhausted this conversation had left him. Promises, deals, expectations, talking. It felt refreshing to be honest with Akechi though, undoubtedly unaware of the web of lies that were presented to him.

For now, he just offers a quiet laugh and a shake of his head. Of course Akechi would leave him waiting - there's no way that's a glance and a mouth of indecision.)

See you, Akechi.

[open] because i can only be me

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