tabularasa_rp | (open) where have you been? been searching all along 𝅘𝅥𝅮

We have.

(Not that Akechi seems to listen any of it. Surely Blue doesn't know the extent of just how they've hurt each other, and if it's up to Ren, he will continue in the dark. There is too much trauma surrounding them and perhaps Akechi's non-forgiving of himself is part of the reluctance, but at the same time? Ren is growing tired of the past dragging them down. They have an opportunity to do things right this time, don't they? Blue has a point that Ren can't help but to agree with... Even if Akechi clearly has his reservations. Points for Blue!)

We talked about our current situation too. (He's buzzed enough not to be annoyed, but instead, he's rolling his eyes in clear playful manner at the elbowing.) He told me he'd think about it and left.

(Ren sighs, taking a sip of his beer and scrunching his nose at the taste.)

Now, it's like it barely happened.

Edited 2020-09-07 20:07 (UTC)

Hmmmm.

[Blue just muses quietly, arms crossed on the countertop. He pops a snack into his mouth, munching quietly, thoughtfully.]

I don't think so. If he said he's thinkin' about it, he's probably thinking about it. Akechi-kun must not be the type to make a rush decision in that case, huh?

What's the hurry? You're both young.

[....He really hates feeling like suddenly, he knows what that guy might be thinking, from what Ren has said.... What a stick in the mud type. He doesn't like the comparison!]

[But Blue is also under no real illusions about his own tendencies to muse and pour over something internally, carefully, before making any kind of move.....]

Anyway, this place... Who knows what could happen? Me? I'm just taking it as it comes, cuz I got no frolicking idea what's going on.

[He pops another handful of edamame in his mouth.]

We won't be able to see each other when we return, so there's plenty of that.

(And yet another piece of information that Ren has to spin, make as vague as possible - Akechi might not even be alive when they go back and finally destroy that cheap, unacceptable excuse of a reality. From what Akechi had described, it's enfuriating... And there's that choice Akechi had him promise to take. Defeat Maruki, regardless of what happens to him. As per always, it falls on Ren's shoulders to take the important decisions and he has.)

I think he made his decision that very moment. He's just being a pain. (Because the fight for control between them is a never-ending one, even at times like this. Of course Akechi can't just give him a straight answer.)

We have theories, but no more than that.

(That the Void is basically the Metaverse created by a God who doesn't know how to Metaverse. That's about it.)

Oh yeah? ...Hm.

[Not that he has any idea what that means; his mind certainly doesn't go to the option Ren is thinking of. Instead, he muses on what it would mean from his own experience.]

.....For a long time, me and Red didn't see each other, you know. And now we're the best of friends again- don't just give up, alright?

[He gives Ren a little nudge to the side of his head, as if to shake him out of his dreariness.] Not that I think you give up easy, but don't mope about it, either.

Anyway, maybe, but maybe he's keeping you at arm's length for his own sake, huh? Just to be sure. Don't get pushy, just put up with it.

[Blue thinks what he would do, anyway.... would be to wait until the other really showed how much he wanted it. He smirks to himself.] Or, you know, he's testing you, so I guess you better decide if you're willing to deal!

(It's not Ren if he doesn't attempt to dodge the nudge spetacularly... If he had seen it coming without alcohol making his brain react to things in slowmotion. At least now he knows. One can't fight while intoxicated.)

"For his own sake"?

( ?

But why would Akechi? Didn't he promise right then and there he'd take care of things? Is he scared?

A sober Ren would make connections faster, but with his brain drowning in beer, Ren struggles a little. Be patient with him!)

Edited 2020-09-07 21:16 (UTC)

[Blue shrugs.] You know better than me, but the way I see it, this isn't an easy decision for either of you, right?

He probably puts on a better face than you do, though. [He grins. Ren seems like the type to wear his heart on his sleeve, no matter how he tries.... At least, Blue felt he could sense the little shifts in mood from him, or else he wouldn't have guessed what was going on in the first place!]

He does.

(Blue is not wrong here either, but it does nudge Ren to ask for a favor.)

Keep this between us, though. He'd be very pissed.

(To tell someone anything about Akechi is already walking on a thin line. To tell Blue he was right? Even worse. That being said...)

You left my questions unanswered. Your turn.

(It was a deal...! Choose your words carefully, Blue. You may never get a peep from Ren on something personal ever again depending on how you navigate this.)

Yeah, yeah, of course. I figured as much anyway- sheesh, you think I'm really the type to go running around spilling private secrets?

[He's almost hurt! ...Though he doesn't really think that.]

[...]

[Blue reaches for a second beer, grinning serenely as he allows a single moment to pass after Ren's request.]

Ummm, remind me what your question was, again?

(Not at all, but it's called "self-preservation". Akechi would kill him.

Ren finally finished the second beer, and while the world is spinning, it's light enough not to freak him out. He decided this should probably be where he stops, seen that severe dizziness and disorientation are not that great memory triggers. So far, it's fine, though! The next can he reaches for should be sparkling water.)

Red. Do you have romantic feelings for Red and does he know?

(Because saying "like" will trigger a whole Of Course I Like Him He's My Best Friend speech that really, at this point, he already got that.)

Ah.....

[This little shit. Blue takes a long, slow sip of his new beer, and pushes the pitcher of water towards Ren. Get drinking, boy.]

[How to handle this............. He wouldn't understand it if he just gave a straight answer, because of course it wasn't so simple. It didn't really matter what Blue felt; no matter how much he had felt for Red, then, or now, Red was still gonna be impassive, immovable Red.]

I don't think there's anything I don't feel about Red, at this point. Tired, romantic, bitter, grateful....... I don't know where it starts or ends, anymore.

[He takes another long sip. He's gonna need it.] I don't know what the hell he knows. He doesn't pay attention.

(Ah... So it is like this, huh? Perhaps it's a condition of liking your rival, the constant mix of emotions. Blue would know this better than him, of course. Ren can't even imagine what's like - a lifetime of confusing emotions melding into one another.)

Why not tell him?

(It's a genuine question, because he doesn't know their story. He doesn't know the resentment or what it is they went through.)

[Blue looks at him like he's an idiot. Arceus. He wouldn't get it, would he?]

Why would I do that? [He asks incredulously, honestly, like he's not quite sure why he'd have to explain it. Why would he open himself up to hurt like that? Why show weakness?? ....If there isn't an absolute chance if victory, don't show your cards. Something like that would describe his way of thinking perfectly.]

[They really were probably more alike than Ren knew.]

[Blue sighs deeply again, and muses over the lip of his drink.] ...Red is.... He's not.... [Another grumble of frustration.] He doesn't-- pay attention to people, like that. He never has. There's only Pokémon, to that guy...

[It wasn't a bad thing; Blue could say that maybe he even kind of liked that about him, in a way- was always charmed by it, at the least. But that didn't make it any less painful of a fact to accept. And anyway, Blue had plenty of other, more personal reasons, too....]

Edited (fart noise x2) 2020-09-07 23:13 (UTC)

(He's too interested and too buzzed to care for that look. So. It's whatever, it's fine.

Ren's knuckles find his cheeks as he listens, concentrated on what Blue is finally sharing and while it doesn't take a genius to find the frustration, or perhaps annoyance in Blue's words. They were all too clear... )

Wouldn't you agree you're not just about anyone, though?

(After all, they indeed are Childhood Friends Who Grew Up Together Since You Were Practically Babies Etc, so it shouldn't be too much of a leap to assume Blue means something to the other, right?)

Is there a goal he's focused on?

A goal...? Ahh....

[Could it really be called a goal? More of an ongoing interest, Blue thinks- maybe it's presumptuous of him, but Blue is pretty sure he knows more than anyone what Red's "goal" is.]

He just wants to meet all different Pokémon, and have the most interesting, the most fun battles he can.

....That guy, he's really a simpleton, but I guess when it comes to us trainers it's sort of the purest it gets, huh? I can't disagree with either of those "goals", if that's what you wanna call 'em.

[He is completely glossing over that first question thank you.]

(Doesn't sound immediate and urgent enough to just cut off people from his life and be overall uninterested in anything else though?

Huh...)

Let's say you do talk to him. What do you expect is going to happen?

(The fact that there's no answer to the first inquiry doesn't go unnoticed - Ren does that all the time. Answer what he feels like answering, like there was nothing before or after.

Maybe because of that, he knows it's not the time to push.)

...Pfftha, he probably wouldn't get it for a while, [Blue puffs out a soft laugh; it's almost charmed, just imagining it.] He'd be way confused........ And then he'd just be stupidly embarrassed. He'd probably hide under his hat for a while and run off to the top of Mt. Silver again.

[Speaking of ...casually traumatizing things, but Ren doesn't have the context for that; Red regularly hiked the Mt. Silver here, anyway.]

It's stupid to think about. I've never even considered bothering.

... I think you should.

(The smile that Ren gives is a very endeared one, because look at Blue being cute over the scenario he'd proposed.)

You said it yourself, you don't know what he knows. Don't you want to find out?

No.

[Blue answers easily, immediately, through something of a grimace. No, he doesn't want to know for sure that there's no chance, that Red has never looked at him that way even once. That the dream he clung onto since they were both little kids, through the anger and the loneliness and even the possibility of never seeing Red again was-- unachievable.]

[He takes a long, tired drain from his beer. Ugh. He needed to be drunk, at this point.]

Anymore questions?

Several.

(For most of the time, Satanael is quiet as Ren. He doesn't barge much, and while Ren feels his presence within his soul constantly, it's rare that he provides commentary.

This definitely poked at Ren's rebellion a little, a voice stirring things in his head. If it were him, even with the odds being low, he'd want to know. What kind of relationship can stay in the what-ifs forever? Would Blue really be content to just repress and continue on like none of what he's saying mattered?)

Where does the rivalry come in this situation?

I'm actually less concerned about that with you. I'm more concerned about the people around you that aren't Akechi. He's pretty strong willed too.

[She bit her lip a little and shrugged. How did she put it? She felt jealous sometimes when she saw him talking to other people. There was a possibility that could go really badly one of these days.]

The tea idea wasn't a terrible one. It's something to focus on. I've been sort of obsessing over the water clock to keep my mind busy. Arguing with the world's weirdly soothing.

[She's grateful for it, really. All of it. Reassurance that their small little bar and café would be in good hands is what she needed, and didn't bring it up to seek pity or sadness, but she had no doubt that the former would be true going into this conversation. She knows it'll be left in good hands until... if she decides to return.

Hearing that, she's able to smile again, although there's still a deep-rooted sadness in her eyes.]

I know you will. I never thought otherwise.

[Tifa hums for a moment, thoughtfully, before she kicks her feet under her and continues.]

I wanna go out and try some other things in the meantime. I never really got to do much back home, what with the bar. Gonna take Cloud with me, too... There's a cute little barbecue and sushi stand in Wall Market that might be kinda fun...

[She looks to him, searching his expression as if she's trying to read his thoughts on the idea.]

[Blue's expression flattens again. Dammit, Ren, you're really pressing his nerves on this one, huh...........]

[Content was not exactly the word. But it was the preferable evil to hurt. Irreparable hurt, the kind that ached forever. There was no knowing when or if you would find anything to soothe that pain...]

...That's kind of a broad question, [Blue bites out through a grimace, knuckles hard as he taps over his drink. At least he's starting to get a little tipsier.] It's sort of everywhere..... Wouldn't you get that...? How do you even separate it...?

I didn't have a lifetime to build it. (No, really. Literally, their first conversation was discussing on television about the Phantom Thieves, which he secretly belonged and led.) We had contrasting views from the very start.

(He gulps some more of the beer. Are there more words coming out of Ren's mouth? Yes, there are indeed! Chatty buzz.)

You, on the other hand. It's a lot of time you've had to explore it. (Ren points his index finger with the hand holding the beer.) Are you afraid telling him would change your dynamics?

(It would make sense if Blue was, at least. A lifetime of rivalry and building it and revolving a friendship around it... Change can be a powerful fear.)

Edited 2020-09-11 13:15 (UTC)

(Funnily enough, Akechi is his number one concern should her powers get out of hand. He is incredibly and admirably strong-willed, but also naturally jealous, as Ren himself has witnessed.)

Would that be enough if you have a breakdown?

... I don't know. The obsessions I've given myself are something to focus on, but I haven't had anything set me off quite yet, and my powers aren't active so ... how about we just say "I can't be sure?"

I mean, I could be worrying too much. This has been good so far, right? [The look on her face said everything. She did NOT believe that.]

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