tabularasa_rp | open ✨ life can be harsh, it can be bitter.

"Leading man sticks around until the credits roll!" ... "Plate separation authorized. Awaiting confirmation."

★☆★

"You ever think about hitting that place?"

[Of course she has. With Shinra—no, Blume moving people in and out of the Merlaut so often, they'd be dumb not to... is what Tifa tells herself at first, when she recalls it. Talking to Aiden... wait, no. That's not right either. It should be Barret. And since when did Merlaut have anything to do with Shinra? Everything about this memory is wrong, and it takes Tifa playing it out in her head to remember where she'd heard those names before, or rather, from who.

Damien was the one who told her about Blume, and the Merlaut was a place local to his world, not hers.

This isn't the first time she's had to deal with a memory that didn't belong, and fortunately, many of them haven't been difficult to place. Hints from past conversations were there, almost like this was her subconscious trying to create something out of them, like a dream in a waking state. Maybe the lack of sleep is finally starting to get to them.

Maybe that's why she hasn't been able to recall some of her own memories.

There's a slow knock on the door of room 109.

Please be home...

And when Damien does open the door, Tifa's head tilts, hand pressed to her chest.]

Hey... I think I have something that belongs to you.

[There really is no good way of starting this conversation.]

Edited 2020-09-17 15:18 (UTC)

[Damien is silent for a moment, when he opens the door, his expression unreadable as he studies her. when he decides she seems more -- tired, maybe, than angry, he takes a half-step back, then turns heading back into the room, inviting her to follow]

Close the door behind you.

[even if she didn't end up with something incriminating, he's not sure she wants the whole complex listening into their conversation. if only, maybe, for her own sake. what he got from her wasn't particularly happy]

I'd offer you something to drink, but ... [but despite having cleaned up the apartment he chose, he hasn't really had the means of going shopping. Kaiba's working on it, he knows, but he can't get to Wall Market, yet, and he hasn't really had the time to check out Shibumenosaki, if he even knows it exists at all. it's been a busy -- span of time]

[She doesn't need telling—she has a feeling that this is some sensitive information she's seen and promptly but quietly shuts the door behind her, all while wondering if he's seen something just as delicate, too.

Drinks... maybe that's what she should have brought with her. God knows they're going to need a few after all the memory swapping is over.]

It's fine, [she reassures him, grabbing a seat in the desk chair.

From the sounds of it, this may not be the first time someone's come to him like this, so Tifa sees no reason in dancing around the subject. Might as well tell him what she knows.]

So, the Merlaut... [she begins slowly, red eyes roaming around the suite.] It's not just any old apartment building, huh?

[Damien, meanwhile, settles on the bed, stretching out, as per usual. one of these days, he's going to have to see if he can't find an armchair on the beach, and have someone drag it back it here for him, so he can set up a little sitting area]

[but -- later. right now, he sighs, letting his own attentions wander as he explains, softly] It wasn't an apartment building at all, back home. It was a hotel. We found out later that the Chicago South Club had their hands in it, but ... [he shakes his head a little] ... all we knew, at the time, was that it was a goldmine.

[he's not entirely sure which of his memories she actually got, all of it tangled up in hers, in what he's missing, in what he got from other people, but -- she has to know they were there to rob the clientele, right? all of his memories of the Merlaut are tied to that. the initial idea, the planning they did over the next six months, the heist itself]

[She nods, her understanding of the situation all slowly coming together as he explains.]

And that's why it was one of your targets, yeah? [Tifa's head tilts while her red eyes pin him down, not judging, but watching his expression for any sign of agreement, before she goes on.] It was a hot spot for Blume's people. You and a man named Aiden... you were planning on hitting it. Taking money from the people who stayed there.

[The similarities between Blume and Shinra versus Damien and AVALANCHE are still eerily similar that it raises goosebumps on the back of her neck.

Not that she would have gone along with attacking the people who just got caught on the crossfires without any guilt, but Barret never cared about that.]

Did you ever end up going through with the job?

[Her expression is neutral, showing no signs of judgement or malice.]

Aiden ...

[god, on any given day, on any good day, he fucking hates the man, now. Aiden thinks he's so fucking noble, plowing through all of Chicago to get to a mob boss. Aiden's going to be the literal death of him, when he gets home, because he can't let go of a grudge. Aiden's a fucking maniac]

[but they were friends, once. they used to sit in the park, just outside the Merlaut and play chess and talk and trade wit. it wasn't his fault they went so very wrong -- it's not his fault the feelings are complicated again, for all that he's only really half himself, right now, thanks to all this bullshit]

[but they're not getting into that, unless it's what it takes to get the ghosts of his past out of her head. he sighs, reaching up to scrub a hand over his face, that in mind, and then hums]

We did. But there was someone else, there, with us -- a second hacker. [he shakes his head faintly, expression still distant, though now for different reasons] They got caught, digging for something beyond just Blume's money, and got us caught, too, in the process. [Aiden didn't help, on that front. if he'd just fucking stayed in the system like he told him to, no one would have noticed them, but no. no, he had to cut the connection, and that was when they got caught, too. like running in front of a fucking T-Rex]

[ ... ah, that's that anger. much better]

[he exhales another breath, trying to dismiss it again, and it comes out closer to a laugh, albeit without humor, to a sob. very deliberately, he pulls himself out of his head and makes eye contact with Tifa. very deliberately, he puts a hand to his brace] They came for us, not long afterwards.

[Tifa's good at reading people—their expressions, body language, the timbre in their voice—and can sense that there's something deeper there. Something deeper in the way that Damien says Aiden's name, in the way that he tries to laugh it all away, and when they make eye contact, Tifa holds his gaze for a moment longer before moving to his brace while she tries to piece the events together in her head.

That must have been when he hurt his leg.]

So, the job went south?

[Not according to plan, just like the way their sun lamp job had gone. They were caught by Shinra, and then separated, and it was used as just another incident to frame AVALANCHE for. This isn't about that, but Tifa can't help drawing more comparisons.]

What happened to them? Aiden and the other guy?

[he barks out a laugh, the sound entirely without humor]

They showed up at my house, a week later, broke both my legs in multiple places and then beat me into a coma. [he's pretty sure that yeah, the job went fucking south. he closes his eyes briefly, deflating, once that's out of his mouth, regardless] I'm sorry. It's just -- old wounds and all that.

[for all that it's only been a year since the Merlaut]

Aiden -- they came for his family. They ran him off the road, while he was taking his six-year-old niece up to Pawnee for the weekend. Aiden survived, but the crash killed her. [a beat] The other hacker -- well, I'm pretty sure Aiden killed him, for his involvement in that. Aiden's never taken kindly to people who hurt his family.

[it's a little more complicated, what happened with Iraq, but for once Damien's not trying to lie, through omission or otherwise. he's just trying to nutshell it]

[Anger had been simmering in Tifa for a long time. For years, long before she came to the Void, and before even Midgar, and it all comes boiling up again for Damien. Not at him, but at Blume, and at Shinra, both for being what they are.

Going after a man's family, beating another so much that he can't fight back... those are things that Shinra would do, too. She feels for Damien on some levels because they didn't deserve that kind of punishment, but at the same time, how is it so different from what they do? Guilt pangs in her chest, but she shoves it aside.]

I'm sorry that happened.

[What else is there to say to something like that?

A child, of all people, had to die so that the big bad corporation could exact revenge. Someone getting hurt has always been Tifa's biggest fear in being part of AVALANCHE, and she shudders to think about how many have been already, all because they wanted to frame them for the bombings.]

Wish I could say just take the high road. Forget about them and try to live your life, but I know that isn't easy, too. Especially after all that. Not exactly one to talk...

[ ... ]

And Aiden, he's still out there somewhere?

Not so much.

[it's doubly hard to forgive and forget, or at least just forget, when he wakes up to this, every morning -- when he's in pain, to at least some degree, almost constantly. he almost wishes there'd been more nerve damage in his legs. at least he'd have that]

[either way, he exhales another heavy breath, before nodding. yes, Aiden's still out there] Taking his pound of flesh out of Chicago.

[a pause follows, which becomes a moment of hesitation, which becomes a calculating silence. this persists for several long minutes, before at great lengths, he continues:] Including me. [a beat] You asked me before, if I got my justice. Aiden's -- [he's going to kill him, literally] -- well, he always blamed me for the Merlaut.

[never mind the fact that, as Tifa saw, that was Aiden's idea, not his. never mind the fact that it's infinitely more complicated than that. the Merlaut will and will always be the beginning of the end]

It's just easier to blame other people...

[Tifa has a feeling it's much more complicated than what she saw. More complicated than it just being Aiden's idea to hit the Merlaut, but all of that reminds her a little bit of herself. It's so much easier to say that it was Shinra's fault than it is to say that everything that led up to the plate collapsing was theirs. Hers.]

Doesn't sound like justice to me... Do you blame yourself at all?

[Whether or not it was Aiden's fault or Damien's, it doesn't really matter in the end. Everything that happened still happened and deciding who's to blame isn't going to change the fact that Damien still had to pay a hefty price. In her mind, it was Aiden's, and she chooses not to say as much out loud, but she's curious to hear his take on it.]

[it's not justice, that's the point. he doesn't get his justice because Aiden is literally going to kill him -- or the fixer that showed up, looking for them both is. either way]

[either way, he takes a moment to consider the question, before finally shaking his head] I don't know. [a beat] Before -- no. It was Aiden's idea. It was Aiden's inability to fucking trust me, that got us caught. He brought this down on us, not me.

[he shakes his head again] But now ... [he still blames Aiden, doesn't he? that's what that anger he was looking for, earlier, was all about, wasn't it? Aiden and his bullshit. but he could have said no the Merlaut. but he could have found some other way of getting to the Bellweather, after he figured out what spooked Blume and the Club so damn bad, about them being there in the first place. but he could have -- well, the list goes on. his obsessions lead to all of this, and that is his fault, isn't it?]

[in a few hours, a few minutes, in whatever passes for time here, he may change his mind and content himself in the fact that this was all Aiden's fucking fault, again, but right now. it's complicated, he's not entirely himself, and he's so damn tired]

I don't know.

[Tifa sighs, not out of exasperation, but out of sympathy.]

I get it.

[Who do you blame when part of it is your fault?

Barret's words from back then ring in her head. They're something she's repeated to herself since they wandered through the Sector Seven ruins, and something she'll continue to until the see this to the end.]

Hold onto that. Anger, sadness, whatever you're feeling. Use it... when the time's right.

[he hums, not really sure that's going to help, in his situation, for any number of reasons, but he appreciates the sentiment, all the same. he appreciates her not judging him for being a less than decent person, even if she doesn't really know the half of it. he's not making plans to tell her, say, that he kidnapped Aiden's sister, anytime soon, but -- it's nice to be seen, even this tiny bit]

[maybe she's not so much like Aiden, after all]

[either way, after a beat and not unkindly, he turns that around on her, a segue into her memory, his feeling exhausted, now] You still carrying yours?

[He definitely did turn that around on her. Tifa's shoulders tense up, and the nod that she gives in return is stiff.]

Yeah. It's all I can do right now. While we're here... until I can get back at Shinra.

[There are bigger things they have to take care of first. Namely, Sephiroth out to destroy the Planet. Shinra will need to wait until after.

That does beg the question:] What'd you end up seeing?

[he frowns a little, squinting into some middle distance]

There were two men in a helicopter -- a redhead and a bald man. [a beat] That boy I've seen wandering around, here, with the spiky hair and ... [how the hell do you describe Barret, without immediately jumping on the fact that he has a gun for a hand? he supposes it helps that he just knows their names, now] Cloud and Barret.

[something like fear touches Damien's face, then, his stomach bottoming out visible on his face as his eyes flick back to Tifa] The redhead -- Reno -- he started the plate separation sequence.

The Turks... [she responds, almost immediately after he's finished explaining.] More of Shinra's goons.

[They don't even deserve an explanation at this point, because that's all they are. Doesn't matter that they're the "investigative bureau" or whatever other names they want to call themselves. As far as Tifa's concerned, they're the ones who are paid good money to do their dirty work, and that's all the Turks represent.]

Everything I told you about Shinra and AVALANCHE... It all led up to that. Their plan was to drop the plate on top of the sector seven slums, and blame it on us.

[he hums, all but sneering as he names them. he's not sure if that's the memory rubbing off on him, her feelings rubbing off on him, or if his reaction is solely on him, on how easy it is to compare Shinra to Blume, their fixers to the Turks. he's not sure it matters, either way]

[either way, the look fades back into something more thoughtful, after a handful of heartbeats] You were winning. though. [they won] And then -- what was that? [there was -- smoke? and then it all gets a little hazy for a few seconds. and then Rude running away from the controls. and ... ]

[and then it all sort of falls apart in his head, fades. he knows there's more, but that's where the memory stops]

We almost had it, yeah.

[They had come so close. Climbed the pillar, fought off the Shinra grunts and the Turks, lost Jessie and Biggs... and then it all came crumbling down at once.]

We still don't really know what they are but... those black things you saw? They stopped us from getting to Rude before he could press it. He managed to get me down, and then surrounded us. Cloud or Barret couldn't do anything. Must've been part of "Destiny's course", or whatever you wanna call it.

[Tifa breathes out a defeated sigh.]

Like it was supposed to happen. We weren't supposed to stop it, according to them.

Well, that's bullshit.

[he scowls at her, through her, for a long moment before he finally seems to remember himself. while his jaw works like he plans on offering an apology, however cursory, for the outburst, however -- no. no, that's absolutely bullshit]

[(quietly, he wonders if destiny won't stop him from getting away from Aiden, if and when, when he goes home, time hasn't progressed and he's still at the lighthouse, waiting for the end)]

[It is absolutely bullshit. There are zero doubts there, and the outburst is completely warranted. She nods in agreement, silent anger simmering inside her again. Not at him, but at the situation, and the fact that this world made him see all of it.]

In the end, they won. The plate fell, and Sector Seven was destroyed. If we'd gotten there sooner, we might've been able to do it.

[Her voice cracks a little, but she holds strong.]

It's why I hardly step foot in Seventh Heav—Heavenly Blanc anymore.

[Damien nods, and softly, notes:] Too many bad memories there, now. [he gets it. there are parts of Chicago he avoids, too, for that reason, and while very few of his memories, shared among the population here or otherwise, are what he'd consider good, there are a few that sting more than the rest, that warrant that avoidance]

[either way, after a beat and still softly, he offers:] For what very little I know it's worth ... I'm sorry. [and for once, he actually means that]

[It's worth more than he thinks. She isn't seeking his sympathy but knowing that someone else out there understands is enough. He saw it with his own eyes, as if he were there, and that's as close as anyone is going to get without being on the plate when it happened.]

It's alright.

[She smiles at Damien, as if their conversation had been casual all this time, and like it had never taken a bad turn.]

Just means I've gotta build a new one from the ground up, once all this is over. [Besides being here, she means everything else—Shinra, Sephiroth, rebuilding Sector 7.] And it's gonna be bigger and better.

I believe you.

[he pauses for a moment, falls silent for a moment, and then, at great lengths:] Too bad I won't get to see it, when you do. [look at him, bringing the conversation back down! it's what he's good at today, apparently]

[Tifa doesn't seem too downtrodden by his comment.]

Who knows, maybe you will. [She knows that likely isn't possible, and that they won't stay here forever—others have left, and their time will come eventually too, but it's still fun to think about.] I'm gonna need some ideas after all. I think it'd be neat to try bringing in a little bit of inspiration from other places. Other worlds, you know?

[And in that sense, maybe he could imagine what it would look like, too.]

open ✨ life can be harsh, it can be bitter.

damien ✨ chopper's gonna chew you up

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

(no subject)

gonna start pushing to a wrap!

sounds good to me!

(no subject)