tabularasa_rp | open ✨ life can be harsh, it can be bitter.

Entry tags:

open ✨ life can be harsh, it can be bitter.

Who: Tifa Lockhart feat. Cloud Strife & YOU
What: September catch-all. Tifa tries to find something else she enjoys outside of Heavenly Blanc, and drags Cloud along for the ride.
Where: Where the threads happen
When: When the threads happen
Content Warnings: N/A

𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘩𝘦𝘴𝘪𝘵𝘢𝘵𝘦. 𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘶𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘴𝘵𝘶𝘧𝘧, 𝘭𝘦𝘵 '𝘦𝘮 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘦.
𝚌𝚕𝚘𝚞𝚍 & 𝚝𝚒𝚏𝚊 ★ 𝚌𝚑𝚒𝚌𝚔𝚎𝚗 𝚌𝚘𝚘𝚙 ★ 𝚋𝚊𝚝𝚑𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚜𝚎 ★ 𝚠𝚒𝚕𝚍𝚌𝚊𝚛𝚍 ★ ♫

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Not so much.

[it's doubly hard to forgive and forget, or at least just forget, when he wakes up to this, every morning -- when he's in pain, to at least some degree, almost constantly. he almost wishes there'd been more nerve damage in his legs. at least he'd have that]

[either way, he exhales another heavy breath, before nodding. yes, Aiden's still out there] Taking his pound of flesh out of Chicago.

[a pause follows, which becomes a moment of hesitation, which becomes a calculating silence. this persists for several long minutes, before at great lengths, he continues:] Including me. [a beat] You asked me before, if I got my justice. Aiden's -- [he's going to kill him, literally] -- well, he always blamed me for the Merlaut.

[never mind the fact that, as Tifa saw, that was Aiden's idea, not his. never mind the fact that it's infinitely more complicated than that. the Merlaut will and will always be the beginning of the end]

It's just easier to blame other people...

[Tifa has a feeling it's much more complicated than what she saw. More complicated than it just being Aiden's idea to hit the Merlaut, but all of that reminds her a little bit of herself. It's so much easier to say that it was Shinra's fault than it is to say that everything that led up to the plate collapsing was theirs. Hers.]

Doesn't sound like justice to me... Do you blame yourself at all?

[Whether or not it was Aiden's fault or Damien's, it doesn't really matter in the end. Everything that happened still happened and deciding who's to blame isn't going to change the fact that Damien still had to pay a hefty price. In her mind, it was Aiden's, and she chooses not to say as much out loud, but she's curious to hear his take on it.]

[it's not justice, that's the point. he doesn't get his justice because Aiden is literally going to kill him -- or the fixer that showed up, looking for them both is. either way]

[either way, he takes a moment to consider the question, before finally shaking his head] I don't know. [a beat] Before -- no. It was Aiden's idea. It was Aiden's inability to fucking trust me, that got us caught. He brought this down on us, not me.

[he shakes his head again] But now ... [he still blames Aiden, doesn't he? that's what that anger he was looking for, earlier, was all about, wasn't it? Aiden and his bullshit. but he could have said no the Merlaut. but he could have found some other way of getting to the Bellweather, after he figured out what spooked Blume and the Club so damn bad, about them being there in the first place. but he could have -- well, the list goes on. his obsessions lead to all of this, and that is his fault, isn't it?]

[in a few hours, a few minutes, in whatever passes for time here, he may change his mind and content himself in the fact that this was all Aiden's fucking fault, again, but right now. it's complicated, he's not entirely himself, and he's so damn tired]

I don't know.

[Tifa sighs, not out of exasperation, but out of sympathy.]

I get it.

[Who do you blame when part of it is your fault?

Barret's words from back then ring in her head. They're something she's repeated to herself since they wandered through the Sector Seven ruins, and something she'll continue to until the see this to the end.]

Hold onto that. Anger, sadness, whatever you're feeling. Use it... when the time's right.

[he hums, not really sure that's going to help, in his situation, for any number of reasons, but he appreciates the sentiment, all the same. he appreciates her not judging him for being a less than decent person, even if she doesn't really know the half of it. he's not making plans to tell her, say, that he kidnapped Aiden's sister, anytime soon, but -- it's nice to be seen, even this tiny bit]

[maybe she's not so much like Aiden, after all]

[either way, after a beat and not unkindly, he turns that around on her, a segue into her memory, his feeling exhausted, now] You still carrying yours?

[He definitely did turn that around on her. Tifa's shoulders tense up, and the nod that she gives in return is stiff.]

Yeah. It's all I can do right now. While we're here... until I can get back at Shinra.

[There are bigger things they have to take care of first. Namely, Sephiroth out to destroy the Planet. Shinra will need to wait until after.

That does beg the question:] What'd you end up seeing?

[he frowns a little, squinting into some middle distance]

There were two men in a helicopter -- a redhead and a bald man. [a beat] That boy I've seen wandering around, here, with the spiky hair and ... [how the hell do you describe Barret, without immediately jumping on the fact that he has a gun for a hand? he supposes it helps that he just knows their names, now] Cloud and Barret.

[something like fear touches Damien's face, then, his stomach bottoming out visible on his face as his eyes flick back to Tifa] The redhead -- Reno -- he started the plate separation sequence.

The Turks... [she responds, almost immediately after he's finished explaining.] More of Shinra's goons.

[They don't even deserve an explanation at this point, because that's all they are. Doesn't matter that they're the "investigative bureau" or whatever other names they want to call themselves. As far as Tifa's concerned, they're the ones who are paid good money to do their dirty work, and that's all the Turks represent.]

Everything I told you about Shinra and AVALANCHE... It all led up to that. Their plan was to drop the plate on top of the sector seven slums, and blame it on us.

[he hums, all but sneering as he names them. he's not sure if that's the memory rubbing off on him, her feelings rubbing off on him, or if his reaction is solely on him, on how easy it is to compare Shinra to Blume, their fixers to the Turks. he's not sure it matters, either way]

[either way, the look fades back into something more thoughtful, after a handful of heartbeats] You were winning. though. [they won] And then -- what was that? [there was -- smoke? and then it all gets a little hazy for a few seconds. and then Rude running away from the controls. and ... ]

[and then it all sort of falls apart in his head, fades. he knows there's more, but that's where the memory stops]

We almost had it, yeah.

[They had come so close. Climbed the pillar, fought off the Shinra grunts and the Turks, lost Jessie and Biggs... and then it all came crumbling down at once.]

We still don't really know what they are but... those black things you saw? They stopped us from getting to Rude before he could press it. He managed to get me down, and then surrounded us. Cloud or Barret couldn't do anything. Must've been part of "Destiny's course", or whatever you wanna call it.

[Tifa breathes out a defeated sigh.]

Like it was supposed to happen. We weren't supposed to stop it, according to them.

Well, that's bullshit.

[he scowls at her, through her, for a long moment before he finally seems to remember himself. while his jaw works like he plans on offering an apology, however cursory, for the outburst, however -- no. no, that's absolutely bullshit]

[(quietly, he wonders if destiny won't stop him from getting away from Aiden, if and when, when he goes home, time hasn't progressed and he's still at the lighthouse, waiting for the end)]

[It is absolutely bullshit. There are zero doubts there, and the outburst is completely warranted. She nods in agreement, silent anger simmering inside her again. Not at him, but at the situation, and the fact that this world made him see all of it.]

In the end, they won. The plate fell, and Sector Seven was destroyed. If we'd gotten there sooner, we might've been able to do it.

[Her voice cracks a little, but she holds strong.]

It's why I hardly step foot in Seventh Heav—Heavenly Blanc anymore.

[Damien nods, and softly, notes:] Too many bad memories there, now. [he gets it. there are parts of Chicago he avoids, too, for that reason, and while very few of his memories, shared among the population here or otherwise, are what he'd consider good, there are a few that sting more than the rest, that warrant that avoidance]

[either way, after a beat and still softly, he offers:] For what very little I know it's worth ... I'm sorry. [and for once, he actually means that]

[It's worth more than he thinks. She isn't seeking his sympathy but knowing that someone else out there understands is enough. He saw it with his own eyes, as if he were there, and that's as close as anyone is going to get without being on the plate when it happened.]

It's alright.

[She smiles at Damien, as if their conversation had been casual all this time, and like it had never taken a bad turn.]

Just means I've gotta build a new one from the ground up, once all this is over. [Besides being here, she means everything else—Shinra, Sephiroth, rebuilding Sector 7.] And it's gonna be bigger and better.

I believe you.

[he pauses for a moment, falls silent for a moment, and then, at great lengths:] Too bad I won't get to see it, when you do. [look at him, bringing the conversation back down! it's what he's good at today, apparently]

[Tifa doesn't seem too downtrodden by his comment.]

Who knows, maybe you will. [She knows that likely isn't possible, and that they won't stay here forever—others have left, and their time will come eventually too, but it's still fun to think about.] I'm gonna need some ideas after all. I think it'd be neat to try bringing in a little bit of inspiration from other places. Other worlds, you know?

[And in that sense, maybe he could imagine what it would look like, too.]

[he hums]

Maybe.

[wouldn't that be nice? if he could go with her, when they all inevitably escape from here? never mind the fact that he's not sure the people who have disappeared before them have had the option to choose. (never mind the fact that he's not sure they even actually went home at all.) it's still a nice thought. it would keep him from dying. it would keep him busy, stimulated, assuming he'd have to learn a whole new programming language to be able to hack things in her world. maybe he would join her resistance group. being the good guy really isn't his thing, but -- ]

[ -- but there's a lot of buts and maybe he should get out of his head. he shakes it a little, trying to dismiss it] Well, you're welcome to anything from Chicago, aesthetically-speaking.

I'll be sure to remember that.

[There are plenty of things she thinks she can draw from already, in this world alone. The Merlaut for one, has given her a few ideas alone. Now it's just a matter of being able to recall the details when she returns home, and figuring out how to incorporate them into a brand new bar.

With all of that said, she has one request for Damien.]

Hey. You think you could keep what you saw a secret?

Assuming I can ask the same of you.

[while she didn't see anything tooincriminating, in the grand scheme of things, if she compared notes with some of the other people that got something from him? well, that might not end well. especially not if it's Ren. kid's too damn smart for his own good]

Only seems right to return the favour.

[In spite of the conversation's tone from earlier, she's feeling a lighter now. Like she was able to get something off her chest, and a small weight off her shoulders. She smiles up at him and brushes herself off as she straightens.]

Better go find the rest of my memories. Good luck.

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open ✨ life can be harsh, it can be bitter.

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gonna start pushing to a wrap!

sounds good to me!

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