tabularasa_rp | (open) can't hold on or life won't change

[Poke.

No, that was literal. Someone just lightly jabbed him in the ribs. That someone was pretty good at being sneaky when they wanted to be. She was attended by a furry thing with a paint brush that was black for a tail. It looked like it was just lazily lying around, waiting for her to tell it to paint something new. Flopping down in the other seat across from him, she put her chin on her hands.]

You've been melancholy lately.

(He may not have noticed her approaching, but as soon as she was close enough, he could see from the corners of his eye the finger coming into his ribs. He simply leans towards the opposite side, making so the finger never hits it, or if it does, not with the same momentum as she expected.

Ren gracefully puts the pen down, cracking his stiff fingers from the repeated, looping motion.)

Have not. (Ren sends a smile towards the creature, gently petting its head.) How are you?

Sometimes I wonder if you enjoy getting into 'have not, have to' arguments with me a little. [She snickered as she watched him pet the creature on its head.]

I'm... ok? Yeah, ok. Kind of ... trying to figure out how I feel about people disappearing these days a little. Coping for now. But not sure exactly. I'm a selfish girl. We know that.

What're you up to?

(The people missing... He surely has been looking for them in recon. At her words, he laughs a bit. She's not wrong, bickering with her was pretty fun.)

Trying to compress the whole memory thing into a few pages. (He taps the notebook, he's been trying to save space.)

Have you tried journaling?

Edited 2020-10-05 17:35 (UTC)

Actually no. I'm really not sure how to compress one memory in the slightest. well, actually I know exactly how to compress it. I just don't have the software to do it, and my hardware isn't compat...

...

Pretend I did not just say that. [She frowned and squinted.] Trying to compress ones and zeros in my head that I can understand is a headache. I try not to think about that one too much.

( ? )

What?

(None of what she has said made a hint of sense.)

Don't look at me to make sense. Legion's memory is all in binary and I don't know how to compress the file space in my brain... I don't even know how file space applies to my brain or what compressing a memory even means!

You try having a robot's memories in your head when you didn't know what a computer was before you got here!

That can't be the only memory you've gotten, though.

(He looks shocked, to say the least... He would never have expected this to have been a reality, but alas, it makes sense, doesn't it?

He simply reaches for his pocket, taking a standard smartphone that, for some reason glows as all that should in the Void does, but doesn't turn on.)

I've showed you this, right?

Well duh, of course not. There was that jaunt in the Casino Royale I remember having from somewhere.

[She was doing him the decency of not saying it was his memory even though she was grinning at him oh so smugly as she said it resting her chin on her knuckles in the process.]

I got to see Aerith deck a guy with a chair too. So, I've had some... weird ones, but not like Legion's. I'm still trying... I understand it, but I don't?

(Absolutely stunned. His eyes goggle and his mouth opens a little in complete disbelief. He believes Aerith to be the sweetest thing, so...

No??)

They are a robot, after all.

[Yep. Secretly a total badass. She had seen it in Tifa's memories. She was still trying to figure out how to bring it up to Aerith.]

Yeah. And they're the first one I've ever met. They're hard to 'get,' but I like them. And it's really hard to be jealous of them. Trust me. I've triiiiied.

Why would you even try? I thought you were glad you weren't as much.

(Oh, there he goes.)

Because it's hard not to be 'me?' I've stopped trying since we met. But I tried at first. [Ahem] Remember. This isn't exactly easy for me. I usually think of reasons the first time I meet someone.

I thought you just got jealous first, analyzed it later.

(If he's being honest.)

That depends on the person? Like any sort of jealousy. Sometimes, it's easy to get jealous. Like... there's people here I got jealous of the moment I met them. Before they said a word.

Others? I naturally look for reasons. Osomatsu, for example? I ... kind of had to look for it with him. Pretty hard.

(He doesn't have to ask whether Parsee is jealous of him, she has said it. He wonders about the others, and what exactly is it, but it's more morbid curiosity than something he truly needs to know.)

I see.

[She felt a little like explaining, though, so he might get an insight here. Leaning forward, she looked across at him from her knuckles and shrugged.]

Mebbe a little, but think of it this way. I 'am' jealousy so I have to intentionally tone it down and remember not to think that way, otherwise I will.

I see you, I figure out how you're smarter, prettier, more confident, more skilled, more anything than I am. As soon as I can, I figure out how you're better. And if you're like Oso? Kinda... not? In any way? Don't get me wrong. He's a good guy, just sorta pathetic sometimes? But if you're lower tier than me?

I'll figure out how you're handling it better. Better at coping, better attitude. [Hence Oso took work, but she found it. Guy embraced his state perfectly.] If I have a lot of trouble? It nags at me. nettles me. Can't shut it off until I really shove it down, or I find that thing. And then I home in on it.

Because jealousy makes me what I am... but trying not to do that? I ... uh... think I can here. It's just a thousand year old habit. Really really hard to break.

[In short, the answer to "Is she jealous of..." was "Yes." Unless it was Legion, and maybe Cole.]

(As she speaks, Ren allows his thoughts to make associations. That it is her nature, he has always expected and known - partly why he expected her to find reasons upon seeing things, like everything pulled at the jealousy in her heart.

He isn't sure if the list of qualities she's listing is for him, so there's a little quirk of his brows.

Oso... Ren can only hope his disappearance meant that he went home. He has already searched the Void, bit by bit, but no blood or limb was found. Not even a voice. With a sigh, he finally speaks.)

I don't expect you not to be. Those things take time.

[In the case of that list, it was more 'general' than about him specifically. There were elements of so many people. But that wasn't actually important to understand. He 'got it,' she was pretty sure.

A sigh and she reached out to flick at his nose.]

Still, I'm trying. And that's your fault in part. It just... yeah. Don't need to repeat it.

It's also kind of weird when people complement me. I'm not used to them meaning it.

(He's happy he has influenced her into breaking her habits, he won't lie, and for a fraction of a second, he may even look smug as he fixes his glasses.)

People seem genuine here, for the most part.

Almost to a fault at times. Though, there's one or two that are pretty cunning about everything.

[Look, she wasn't going to say Akechi. She was just going to look at Ren with a knowing look and THINK IT VERY HARD.]

(He got the message, thanks... Nothing he can say but the following:)

To each their own, I guess.

Too much work by my standards. I'll take just being me under normal circumstances. [grunt] Being cunning's kind of a lot of effort because you have to seem dumb when you're really smart.

Whaaaatever.

(He laughs after she drags the last word.)

Other than all this, all good?

Other than the persistent sensation of waiting for the other shoe to drop? I'm doing just ducky. No real problems, and I seem to be coping for the moment.

It makes me think something'll come up soon enough, but for now I'm ok.

(open) can't hold on or life won't change

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