tabularasa_rp | (closed) rivers in the deseeeeeeeeeert

(Routine is getting more stable now with how time seems to have gotten itself back together. Blue and himself managed to put up a schedule, which now has been taped to the wall near the door, and right now, it's Ren's shift.

He's not alone. As many times before, Damien is sitting at the bar, waiting for his cup of coffee. By now, Ren can confidently provide the blend he knows to be the other's preference, so after a few minutes of brewing and tending to the preparation, Ren gently sets the cup on top of the bar for the other to enjoy.

And, of course, he pours himself one too.)

[oh, look. it's this asshole. the one that killed his favorite boy. never mind the fact that that's not how it went down -- he just knows that Akechi ended up dead, thanks to the thing wearing his face, and while it was all just a dream, it doesn't matter]

[where the fuck where you, Ren? why didn't you do something?]

[that in mind, he's scowling as he very deliberately reaches for the cup, sliding it close to himself. he doesn't drink from it, though. not yet]

We need to talk.

(Those words are never something good, no matter who spills them. He'd noticed Damien's been less than his usual friendly, talkative self when he first walked in the bar, but alas. Ren figured the reason would surface sooner or later.

Of course, his eyebrows raise with surprise when he hears it mid-sip, calmly setting the coffee down to address it.)

What is it?

[it's a good thing his phone stopped working, when they woke up. it's a good thing he probably couldn't hack things here, like he could in the dream, even if it was. he's not just less, right now, you see, he's livid, and he had the last person who pissed him off this badly killed]

You're going to explain to me what the hell happened.

(Ah, Damien. You'll get nothing out of Ren with that tone. He's already tense from the interrogating demand alone, and he stands his ground with his eyes fixed on the other.

Damien really is a cop after all, isn't he?)

Use your words and ask me what you want to know.

(No broad bullshit, Damien.)

[no, he's a very pissed off monster, who, for once, is tempted to get his hands dirty. it would be so very easy to beat Ren to death with the coffee mug, right now, wouldn't it? surely, this place understands how death works, finally, if Akechi could die, and he'd have the advantage, the element of surprise. Ren wouldn't expect something like that out of him -- never mind the fact that his fingers tighten on the mug, briefly]

[never mind the fact that he seems to talk himself out of it, after a beat and if only for the time being. Ren is Akechi's foil, not his, and he doesn't want him dead. didn't, last time they talked. he see if that's changed, once he knows what happened, exactly, but for now, it's not for him to make Ren suffer]

[still. he's still short, if nothing else, when he answers]

Goro. I know he died. How?

(It would not, but sure, Damien. Feel free to think that. He might not see it coming perse, but he's alert - almost triggered by the hostile demeanor. He may not see it coming, but sure as hell he wouldn't be at all surprised if it did.

The use of the other's first name makes Ren frown just a tad bit. Akechi did tell Ren not to use his first name in front of others, after all. How close are these two?

But then again. It makes sense that the anger is being directed at him, knowing what Damien knows and missing the key personality points that make it so easy for Ren to simply move on from their past, regardless of all the complications surrounding it.)

Mementos materialized a cognition of him keen on killing me. I fought it but it barely took damage and it nearly succeeded when Akechi found us and it shot him before either of us could do anything.

(And trust us here, Ren's Persona is extremely powerful - it barely scratched the Cognition. He tried his very best.)

[his using his first name was deliberate -- just as deliberate as telling him they needed to talk was. if nothing else, it was meant to throw Ren off guard. if nothing else, it was meant to let him know how deadly serious he is about all of this]

[and maybe it's a little telling, for him, too, letting Ren know that he's clearly affected him, buthe's not thinking about that, right now. his fingers twitch on the cup, again, instead]

[so it was Akechi's choice, but -- ] You said your Persona could heal people. [ -- why didn't you fix your fuck up, after the fact, Ren?] That girl's can. [why didn't he go get her? what's her face? the redhead. he's too wound up to think of her name, right now]

Edited 2020-11-01 17:18 (UTC)

We can't undo death. He was shot in the head.

(Healing and resurrecting are two different things, after all. He thought if he could have access to Satanael, perhaps his other Personas would resurface as well, even if he doesn't feel them. At the end of the day, it hardly would have mattered if he did - even a fallen angel can't do anything in the face of passing.

He did get all Persona users to meet him after the fact, thank you very much, Damien.)

Edited 2020-11-01 17:32 (UTC)

And you didn't think to try something before he bled out? [never mind the fact that Ren probably still had Akechi's Shadow to deal with. whether or not he realizes that, however, he still continues with:] You didn't think to fucking find Melinoë? [who maybe could have brought him back, what with being a death goddess and all?]

(And just like that, Ren's eyes narrow at the other, almost like he wants to punch him to his senses.

If Ren could have done something, he would have. If there weren't broken pieces of skull and brains where Akechi had fallen, he would have tried to stop the bleeding.

If he knew who she was, he could have tried to find her.)

I don't know who that is.

[come at him. just fucking try it. maybe they'd both feel better, afterwards]

My -- [girlfriend? but god, he hates that terminology] -- the woman I'm seeing. She's a fucking death goddess. [is that on him, Ren not knowing who she is? what she is? no. no, he's not taking the blame for this. this has nothing to do with his hoarding information and not sharing]

(Unfortunately, it's not his style. He is fuming and in complete disbelief that the other keeps finding more and more ways to spin this without even being there. He won't raise a finger.

What does raise is an eyebrow. Ren had asked about her previously, and Damien withdrew all possible information.

Finally, it is not like he would have had the time to so, with Loki taking over not long after the fact. For now, he doesn't say another word, just watching the other carefully as he waits for the next accusation.)

[it's not like he would have had time to do so, indeed, and later, Damien will realize that -- that he overreacted, here. it's just been so long since he's had anyone he gives a shit about. it's why he avoids giving a shit about anyone]

[(someone like you, surrounded by so many fragile things -- it makes you fragile)]

[but at any rate, while his anger has not reached its end, he at least seems to be coming up dry on the accusations front. he shakes his head instead, then, closes his eyes briefly, tightly, and hisses a fuck, though it's not entirely directed at Ren. he was never really angry at him to begin with, he was just a convenient scapegoat. he may continue to be, depending]

At least tell me he, I don't know, actually woke up.

[tell him he's not braindead in bed, somewhere. never mind the fact that logically he knows that Ren wouldn't leave Akechi now, if he hadn't, anymore than he would have before, when Hornet stabbed him and if something went wrong. he's still -- too emotional for logic for the time being]

He has.

(Took him a while, though. If Damien had searched for Ren, he'd know that Heavenly Blanc was not the place to find him until now. Damien is right on that - Ren would not leave Akechi, and he hasn't.

He patiently waited, knowing fully well that if the coma he found himself in was breakable, Akechi certainly would pull through.

The fact that Damien seemed to have thought that Ren had something to do with the incident directly still sits on his brain, by the way. Does Damien think he's capable of such thing?)

Edited 2020-11-01 19:37 (UTC)

[he's not necessarily putting the blame on him -- again, he's just a convenient scapegoat, but. but heroes are supposed to save people, defeat the bad guy, aren't they? it's what Aiden spent the last year doing, up to and including probably putting a bullet in his head, when he gets home. so, why didn't he save Akechi? why couldn't he?]

[(why did the Sector Seven plate fall, in Tifa's world, when she's the hero? when they won? why is everything such fucking bullshit?)]

[letting out a shaky breath, one he didn't realize he'd been holding, he finally, finally deflates a little] Fine. Good. [this is a man who met his last big letdown with anger, before he even met Aiden. this anger now, like then, is him grieving, though he'd never admit it]

(Whether Ren is a hero is debatable, but that's not the point here.

The point here is that nothing meaningful and worthwhile can bloom without its hardships – a concept that Ren and the Phantom Thieves of Hearts hold within their very core, with all they have endured. There’s a certain type of strength in vulnerability, in pain, that propels them forward, that inspires them to work through their mistakes and to channel their anger and disappointment into making a difference so that others don’t have to go through what they have. The Phantom Thieves of Hearts won too, and yet, here he is standing before Damien, still carrying the weight and the trauma of being arrested for a crime he hasn’t committed, of the stigma that he faced daily and of all the psychological effects the situation triggered on him. And yet, he wouldn’t change it.

Heroes bleed. Isn’t that the reason they’re heroes in the first place?

They’re flawed, human and they make mistakes, like Ren has, and still, those become the very foundation to conquer whatever goal they have to accomplish. Ren couldn’t save Akechi this time, nor could he last time. Akechi himself has told him – it’s impossible to save everyone, specially when they don’t want to be saved. It won’t stop him from feeling shitty about it, but he will do what he thinks it’s the right set of actions to make sure this doesn’t ever happen again and let that be his redemption; be better going forward rather than to beat himself up to the point of inaction.

Something meaningful that blooms from hardships.)

I know you care about him. (For someone who told Damien to use his big boy words, Ren barely ever does. Time to shift out of that for a while.)

[maybe, then, that's why he's the villain -- he doesn't want to bleed, doesn't want to hurt. maybe he's the villain because when he does (and god, he does and often, that a constant, a hard truth of his world, of Chicago long before he decided to use his powers for self-gain), it makes him bitter, not better. maybe they're just cut from different cloth, and that's all there is to it]

[either way, rather than respond to that, right off, he finally lifts his coffee mug to take a sip, using it to try and steady himself. he's not sure it works. he feels so fucking raw in the wake of his anger, now. what is it they say that comes after that anger, in grief? depression?]

More than feels smart, most days.

[because some day, someone will use that against him. because some day Akechi will turn on him, like Aiden did. the same old story beats repeat over and over and over again, throughout his life]

(Or maybe not. Nobody said Ren's not bitter - who wouldn't be after seeing the things he has? Experiencing the things he did? Perhaps the only thing that differs is how Ren decided to deal with his bitterness and resentment next to those he loves. To use it towards something good.

Who knows who Ren would have been if not for the people around him?)

I know.

(He too, deflates a little. Seems like the fight is over and he relaxes his shoulders as his own mug of coffee ends up between his hands.)

[maybe. maybe that's why Damien's getting better, because he's slowly developing people he cares about, because they just might stand with him, when everything goes to shit, unlike everyone else in his miserable life. or maybe not. maybe that's why he hasn't been absolutely and entirely upfront with anyone here -- because he knows they'd walk out]

[but that's not entirely important, right now]

I know he's important to you, too. [a beat] And I know you tried. [much as that's hard to admit, for all that it's meant to be an apology. he'd love to keep using Ren as his whipping boy, but]

(What a fine line between a hero and a villain, if Ren can even be called that.

He's no knight in shining armor.

There's a fond smile that graces Ren's expression, which had finally relaxed in its entirety. Somehow, he's glad that Damien came to talk to him about it. Seems like it did something.)

He is. (Ren confirms and nods, as to accept the unspoken apology. At this rate, surely Damien's coffee has grown cold, so he simply gestures for the cup to given for a refil.)

[sighing, Damien lets go of his cup, pushing it across the counter to Ren. when he returns it to him, he all but curls up around, silent for a time following, looking exhausted, old. this conversation may have broken some wall between them, somewhere, somehow, but god, it's been exhausting]

You're -- together, aren't you? You and him.

[he's suspected for a little while, now. the fact that he seemed to have zero interest in Yoshizawa, when she could have been his fucking clone in the dream has sort of solidified that assumption. as has this conversation]

(So far, other than the Phantom Thieves & Affiliation, it's fair to say that only Blue knows that for a fact. So excuse him when he coughs a little, like he wasn't expecting the question - because he is dumb, it was totally coming at some point.

Idiot.)

What makes you think that?

(And a new cup is offered.)

[some of his anger returns, then, though it's faint -- embers of a dying fire]

Don't play me for an idiot.

[don't force him to make admissions, then offer nothing in return. he might change his mind about beating you to death with your own coffee mug]

(Nobody forced you to do anything, Damien. (:

One thing he is sure of - if Damien was shocked to learn that they're friends even after what he had seen, he can't imagine the confusion it might bring to learn that his suspicions ring true.)

... Yes.

@damien

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cw gore

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