tabularasa_rp | Change is in the Air (OTA)

[She sagged, her fingers relaxing their hold on Rinoa's forearms. One went up to the shoulder and gripped languidly there while her head came in to rest against the opposite one. The other went to her waist. Was it a hug, or was she just leaning against her? Little hard to say, but she pressed with the hand at the shoulder and with her weight, trying to give the non-verbal cue that she was hoping to get them down, seated. If she could get Rinoa to play along, she'd try and set in her lap.]

... [Sigh] You... realize that it might be because I wish I was as important to you as he is, right? I don't know if that's what's going through my head. Most people push me away when I get this jealous, so I never explore the why. But you have to realize that might be it, don't you?

[She closed her eyes. Rinoa would probably forgive that too. She was pretty sure of it, because it just seemed in her nature. She almost wanted to tell her that if he were here, she wouldn't be able to appease them both. You couldn't make everyone happy. In her mind, someone always lost, usually her.]

But... if you're ok with it, I... might want to figure out why I'm jealous for once.

[ Perhaps it's a little hard to understand exactly what the mark of affection is, but it's still more than she ever expected to get from the other, so it's more than welcome. And maybe there's a hint of confusion in her smile, but Rinoa does in fact sit down when nudged to do so. The rest of her expression remains gentle, reassuring; in response to the question, she nods. Even if that's what it is, why would that make it not okay? ]

If you wanna figure out why you're jealous, I'll support you. I'm not just gonna push you away for feelings you can't help.

[ And what if that is it? For her part, Rinoa's never dealt with something quite like this before. But regardless... ]

Let's just take it one step at a time, okay? And if that's what it turns out to be, we'll figure it out when we get there. You know?

[She made it sound so easy. It sounded so god-damned easy for her to just deal with feelings. Parsee didn't even know if she had feelings, if she was just jealous because she had so few friends and now this woman refused to stop being close to her. Forgave her for anything, or if she wished... well, if that was what it is, what would she have wished?

Her face was beet red. Her fingers clenched a little.]

A step at a time... and ... if that's what it turns out to be... you'll just have to decide how you feel about that in turn right?

[Because that's how this sort of thing worked, wasn't it? And now she was being unfair and implanting the thought in Rinoa's head. What if!]

[ It's true that for Rinoa, dealing with feelings is easy, something that comes to her almost without thinking. But she is also used to dealing with those who aren't so accustomed to it, so it's easy for her to take Parsee's embarrassment in stride.

She shakes her head, reaching out and once more brushing her fingers against the other's wrist, an almost patting motion with the intent of helping her calm down where she's burning up with embarrassment. She's not about to make promises she can't keep, but something she can promise at least is... ]

I'll think about it carefully, okay? If you're going to take such big steps, then it's the least I can do.

[She flinched the first time hands touched her wrist, but relaxed immediately afterwards. Her body just sort of sank into the half-way embrace. There was something so odd about what Rinoa said. Parsee swallowed, her hands gripping a little more tightly while she kept her eyes closed and whispered.]

Thank you... for not making promises... still can't believe you'd say that much.

[After all, she knew there was Squall. She remembered being in space, the glimmer of regret, fear and hope. How long had they ended up in space? If this just friendship and she was coping with her own stupid psyche that was easy. Give her a month and she'd figure something out. Probably. But if she was actually interested in this girl? Squall was still very real, right?

But Rinoa hadn't just flat out said 'you understand I can't do that' or the like. She'd only promised that she'd think about it.]

But... thank you for offering to at least consider. I really wouldn't have thought you would.

[After all, Squall had to be a better choice? Ngh... she could control the jealousy, but it was definitely there.]

[ She smiles at that, shaking her head as Parsee leans into her, her own arms coming up to circle around the other. Of course she wouldn't make a promise she can't guarantee she'll keep. She takes her promises seriously; everyone who knows her in the Void knows that she spent the first however-long looking for her flower field in hopes of finding Squall there. Maybe she's young and naïve, but promises in her mind are things that should be honored.

But she's not going to completely shut the other down, either. Parsee deserves more than that. ]

It's the least I can do. I told you I'd help you, remember?

[ Speaking of promises, it had been one she'd made to herself, too; to help Parsee to open up to others, just like she knew she could. ]

[She sighed and laughed a little, leaning back from the hug to look Rinoa in the face. Her lip quivered a bit at the edge of a smile, even if her face was still scarlet and her eyes a little red at the edges. She looked frustrated, but at the same time a little happy. Taking one hand, she went up to put two fingers to Rinoa's lips.]

Don't you dare say you're doing it to help me if you say yes. At that point... if we have that talk, it's a different talk. And... [Her hand moved down, touching just beneath the collarbone. Just a tap, just a reminder.] It's about what's in here.

But... that's... not for now. Just thanks. For being a friend.

[ She can't help but laugh at the comment - not at Parsee herself, but more her train of thought. She's sure the other knows her better than to assume she would simply take pity on her, but she also knows that that's just the way Parsee's brain works - worst scenario first. Right? ]

I know, I know. What I meant is... whatever it ends up being, I'll stick by your side, okay?

[ It's her way of saying that Parsee won't lose her. As far as she's concerned, they've come too far for that. ]

[It was definitely not because of a poorer awareness of Rinoa's nature. She just had a constant self-doubt to struggle with. Worst scenarios were always best to assume... But that comment, it made her sigh a bit in relief and she nodded.]

I... I trust you. You've stuck with me so far. And... yeah, I think... I think that's enough about that. I don't think either of us is entirely ready to say more. Just...

Think about it ok?

[ She nods, and reaches up to squeeze her arms briefly around the other. Whatever happens from here, she's confident that they'll be able to figure it out. ]

Okay. And if you need me, you know where to find me, right?

[She swallowed. What Rinoa sounded like she was suggesting was that Parsee had permission to look her up. That was... she was sure that was a bad idea. but she was also not stopping her. Ok, she'd agreed, knowing what she was in for, so...]

I will. I'll try not to be a stranger. Even if you have to take time for yourself I might still track you down.

[ Rinoa nods, and smiles. ]

I'll remember that.

[ Not that taking time for herself is really how she usually operates, anyway. The nightmare just took a toll on her like nothing else ever had. ]

[It ... had really been something, hadn't it? For both of them. Parsee sighed and finally started to dislodge herself, getting slowly to her feet and offering a hand.]

You're allowed to disagree, but you have rotten taste in friends, Rinoa. [She winked.] I'm just going to say that right now.

[The fact that she managed a little laugh as she said that? It was clear she was kidding, mostly.]

[ She laughs in response even as she accepts the offered hand, allowing Parsee to help her to her feet in turn. ]

You know, I'm glad you already know I'm gonna disagree with you!

I'd have to be blind to miss that about you. You're so, ngh... stubborn. I envy that a little.

[She dusted her clothes a little, smoothing them once they were both up on their feet and looking over at Rinoa quietly, reaching up to scratch the back of her head.]

Uh... I know this was a social call, but did you want to use the shrine at all?

[ At the offer, she's quiet for a moment, an almost-sheepish expression crossing her face. The truth is... ]

Um, I guess this is gonna sound really weird to you, Parsee, but... I've never actually used a shrine before. We don't really have them back home, you know?

[ Still, from what she understands, back where the other is from, they're meant to offer her a kind of power, so... ]

Would you show me?

Well, you're not from Earth, so that surprises me a lot less than it might for some folks. I wonder how you do religious things in your world. But sure, I can show you.

...

uh... [Swallow] But before we start, you realize that this is my shrine, so you'd be praying to me, right?

[ Religion? Admittedly, it's not really a thing back home. The world has a god, but they don't pray to him or believe he has an influence anymore past his creation. Perhaps it's because he passed his power on to others - the Sorceresses who are now both feared and admired by everyone around the world - but the truth is Rinoa really doesn't know. All she can do is shake her head. This isn't about her world right now.

She smiles. ]

That's okay. I don't know if it will help you in any way now that we're here, but if it does anything at all, it'll just be good, right?

I...I mean, if you pray to me for help, maybe for someone you care about, I can... it's supposed to help you not me! But it does feel like it's having an effec...

[GAH! She was the one getting prayed to. This was supposed to help Rinoa! Parsee sighed and walked over to the altar, motioning for Rinao to join her and taking out a piece of paper.]

So... right. The idea is you leave an offering on the altar. You get my attention, which you... really have right now, and you write your prayer on the slip. We'll try to burn it.

Maybe encourage the fire. It's still learning how to burn things. And then... I bless you.

[ Rinoa follows Parsee over to the altar, taking the slip that's offered to her and looking at it for a moment in silence. She remembers their first meeting, learning Parsee's nature, the kinds of people that would pray to her and why. And... admittedly, she's not sure how it works. Does she need to make sure that her prayer is in Parsee's normal area of expertise? Or will anything work?

But it feels wrong to keep asking questions. Parsee said to help someone she cares about, so... ]

Please protect the people I love.

[ It's probably not a great prayer, she thinks, but it's the first thing that comes to mind; she writes the words in neat cursive across the paper before following Parsee's instructions by placing it into the fire, watching as the flames lick around it, as if testing. ]

Come on, fire; we need to burn the paper for the prayer to work, y'know? You can do it!

[ Well, Parsee did say encourage. ]

Come on you little punk, burn this one up and ...

[Fwoosh, fizzle. Puff! There was a curl of smoke there and Parsee practically jumped. Her eyes went wide. She grinned a little. The Void really was kind of predictable in this. If they kept trying, it was eventually going to burn properly. So she could rely on this.]

Heh... not quite, but you're getting there. [She looked up at Rinoa and gave her a sheepish grin.] It's like my water clock. It's going to take a few times to make fire work right, but eventually...

[She pocketed the prayer and coughed into her hand, before putting a hand out. When she did, something pushed from her to Rinoa. The other girl would probably notice the rest of the day was really lucky somehow. A little bit of good fortune never hurt anyone, right?]

I... can't quite reach your friends at home. But I can bless people here. And if I bless you, you'll be better able to help them, right?

[ So it's probably good that she kept it general. Of course Parsee probably couldn't reach her friends at home. But Rinoa wasn't just thinking about them anyway; her thoughts were also on all the friends she's made here, too. Plus, the other is right - having her friend's blessing means that she's more able to help them too, both her friends here and at home.

The fire may not have sparked enough to completely burn the paper down, but it's a good enough start, and she finds a small smile on her lips as her friend pockets it again and reaches a hand toward her.

Is it just her imagination, or does she actually feel something pass from Parsee to her?

She nods. ]

Like this, I can help anyone. Everyone.

[Something had definitely passed between them.]

Y...Yeah, that's the idea. I bless you, and you're better able to go out there and be that heroic type we both know you are.

[She was not going to admit that in the back of he head was the recognition that 'help everyone' meant Rinoa would probably help her as well. It did bring a little color to her cheeks, though. She tried not to be jealous of the other people Rinoa was bound to help. Tried and failed, but she did try.]

There's not a lot I can do, but none of us have whatever power we had normally so I guess it's something that I can do anything.

[ Rinoa nods, offering Parsee a small smile, even as she sees the color in her friend's cheeks. ]

I dunno, I feel like maybe these powers are kind of better than what you had before. But maybe that's just me, you know?

[ In her mind, blessing people is always better than cursing them! It's exciting to her that, no matter what strange things the Void has thrown at them so far, there's always the potential for people to improve somehow. ]

[Cough, ahem. Her cheeks were heating up even more.]

Well, I mean... it's definitely more helpful to you than manipulating your jealousy. Other than reducing the envy inside of you, which isn't quite as important I'd think? Yeah, it's probably a more useful skill to have.

Not quite as 'powerful,' but it's definitely a lot less trouble.

[She was trying not to be embarrassed about it, but it was obvious she liked hearing that from her friend.]

Change is in the Air (OTA)

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