open: worship me

[forceofnature]

[ley line]

Behold! Assorted sentient apes of the Void!

I come bearing good tidings for all. I, the Great Goddess Viridi, Beloved Nurturer of All Life, She Whose Gentle Majesty is Incomparable and Whose Praises Shall be Sung on the Tongues of Songbirds for Time Immemorial, have deigned to create for you mortals a physical space in which you might offer me worship and adoration. Our -- my shrine is finally finished to perfection!

In return, I shall solve all your problems with my wisdom accumulated from across the ages. For a small nominal fee of ten to fifty seeds, sprouts, or cuttings of any fruit, flower, vine, bush, or flora of your choice, you, too, can benefit from my divine genius.

Love problems? Love yourself first! Lack of motivation? Hit the gym! Despairing at ever returning home from this featureless depressing waste of a world? Join the club and go pour down some single malt whiskeys.

For a testimonial as to the efficacy of my brilliant wisdom, please refer yourselves to:

-That one guy crying on the mountain
-Captain Capitalism, a.k.a. Kaiba boy
-Or Parsee

Oh speaking of -- go worship Parsee, too. This was technically her shrine first before it merged with the other stuff. I'm a fair goddess. Hey Parsee mind if I invite a bunch of people over to our shrine not hearing a no thanks Parsee!

((respond directly to this - or action threads in comments))

Comments

[halloflamer]

That's more like it. [Needlessly smug. Someone just wants to be a contrarian.]

[And anyway, yeah, it's not like they don't eat their sapient partner creatures back home....! Probably. Let's not look at it too closely.]

In that case, you should drop by the bar sometime and give it a shot. I make a mean slush--

Uh, you're older than alcohol itself, right? So you should be able to drink....

[forceofnature]

What?! You're already collecting their corpses for your drunken amusement? It's been like, two days! Shame! Shame upon all mortals and their ways!

[...]

Do you have mango flavor?

[halloflamer]

I'm not collecting their corpses! You can blame that on my cohorts.

Hmmm, but mango, huh? Well, it's not quite the same, but a Mago berry is pretty sweet in the same way. Blend 'em up with some Pecha and a dash of Nanab and you have a refreshingly sweet, smooth flavor!

[He's really growing into this whole bartender thing.]

[forceofnature]

Mago? ...Pecha? Nanab?

[Viridi wrinkles her nose.]

Did you just take fruits and make them into anagrams or what?

[that is exactly what happened but no one needs to dwell on that.]

OK, well, I'll give it a shot sometime.

[halloflamer]

Hah? I dunno what you're talking about, that's what they're called!

[How dare you call his entire world out on this]

Yeah, anyway, come to the bar! You'll see, you just add a little bit of a sweet liquor in there...!

[forceofnature]

...Well, someone's excited.

You're not self-medicating your problems away with alcohol, are you?

[this is a rare moment of genuine concern from an obnoxious child goddess, even if she's framing it in a judgmental way.]

[halloflamer]

I-- Well that's--

[Abrupt and unexpected, alright. Not that he isn't aware of how obvious his dependency is, but he usually counts on most people being unwilling to be that blunt about it.]

[He supposes legendaries don't really have any reason to hold back, do they.]

I just like mixing drinks, that's all... [Wounded, and hardly convincing. Just let him slide, okay??]

[forceofnature]

Hm OK, this is not really what I meant when I said to find motivation? I mean, far be it for me to interfere in free will, but also, your free will is heading on the road to cirrhosis at the tender age of like, 13.

[he's thirteen right
she forgets what age range a young human is]

I drink nectar and ambrosia and then alcohol when I can't get nectar and ambrosia but that's because I don't really have to worry about a liver, per se.

[halloflamer]

Hey, I started way later than 13, thank you very much. I wasn't that bad!

[And also he was still living at home when he was 13, so--]

I always thought nectar and ambrosia were just fancy old words for booze anyway.

Huh.

What are they, then?

[forceofnature]

OK, so I don't hear disagreement about this whole 'you have a problem' thing.

Nectar and ambrosia are the food of the gods. It's beyond all mortal appreciation. ...I actually think it might kill you. I don't know; if I get some, I'll let you take a sip.

For deities, spirits, angels, and other assorted divine beings, it revitalizes and energizes us. Nothing like a good feast before a big battle.

[halloflamer]

Yeah, yeah! Like I haven't heard it a dozen times, you're not my sister, let's move on.

[Just because he agrees doesn't mean he has to talk about it!!]

I'm gonna pretend you didn't just say 'it might kill you' and 'I'll let you have a sip' in the same breath.

...But what is it? Like, flower nectar? Literal?

[forceofnature]

It's a pink drink.

[She gives a shrug.]

I don't know. It's not like it's made from anything mortals use. Otherwise, they'd just make it themselves, and it would defeat the purpose.

I can manifest it when I want, though. Usually to heal up people before the big end-of-stage boss.

[halloflamer]

A pink drink? I make a mean one of those! [Pecha juice, a little coconut milk, a dash of proseco--] So what, there's gotta be some "godly" ingredient in the mix, right?

--But not here. Right? [End of who what? He thinks he doesn't wanna know...]

[forceofnature]

God secrets aren't meant to be shared.

[she responds primly]

I'll try your inferior mortal pink drink sometime, though. And no. I've got my connection to nature back, and that's about it.

And telepathy. Obviously.

[halloflamer]

I guess, [He sounds pretty sullen about it, but she's probably right.]

[That would be, like, the secrets to the universe or something. Right?]

It might be inferior, but I bet you'll still like it! And hey, if you don't, I'm sure we can figure out something you do.

--Can legendaries get drunk?

[forceofnature]

You're being weirdly eager to please.

Are you just trying to convince me that your alcohol fixation is actually a good thing?

[viridi is not very easy to please.]

But eh, I get drunk only as far as I let myself get drunk. It's not really PG to have someone who looks eight getting tipsy.

[halloflamer]

Hey, I'm bein' a good bartender! Not like I get paid for all my efforts, so I might as well have fun with it, right?

[aka STOP CALLING HIM OUT]

...And I think watching you get toasty would be pretty fun.

[forceofnature]

Mmm... hm.

[spoken/telepathically thought in the most skeptical tone possible.]

And don't project your weird depraved fantasies onto me. I'll have you know I always behave perfectly properly, as all divine leaders ought.

[viridi has never behaved properly in her very long life]

[halloflamer]

Yeah, sure. And I've always been an innocent angel for all my life!

Pfffft, tell it to someone who'll believe you, Little Miss Celebi.

[forceofnature]

[an offended gasp]

I am a literal goddess. Everything I do is by nature correct and the right example for mortals to follow.

[she's probably being facetious
.......probably]

And I don't know what that is so I'm going to assume it's the most beautiful and awe-inspiring god in your world

[halloflamer]

Hmmmm. If you were like the legendary Pokémon from home, I might believe you more, buuut.... Somehow, I just can't trust a legendary that looks like a person as much.

[Because his people are weird animal-worshipping freaks, sorry]

Oh, Celebi? It's a Pokémon called the Guardian of the Forest! Nature-protecting and all that. Seems fitting, right?

[It's a time fairy that looks like an onion]

[forceofnature]

Oh.

OK! I'll take it. You get one Viridi Point for a flattering comparison.

[........it's probably fine she's obligated to like onions...]

Tell me more about this beloved and universally acclaimed Celebi.

[halloflamer]

Oh. [Pleasantly surprised that she's interested! But he doesn't mind talking about Pokémon, so...]

Umm.... Well, it's a legend from the Johto region, so I only know what I've read in books and heard from people from there.

There's legends that it can control the flow of time, or travel through time itself, so the forest is kind of 'eternal'? I guess you could say that way it can protect the forest from harm no matter what time period it is.

There's a shrine, I think, in the forest that it's supposed to live in. I've never been there myself, but one'a my students is from the region and said it's all overgrown with moss and stuff. Hard to say if it really lives in there or not.

--What do I get with Viridi Points?

[forceofnature]

If you collect 100 Viridi Points, you get a bonus divine boon! Divine boons include: a well-placed compliment about a physical trait you're insecure about, flash makeovers, and your choice of nature-themed wallpaper.

[Viridi answers the important question first.]

Celebi sounds pretty great, though. I need to learn that time travel thing, because that's exactly my problem.

Maybe you can wish me into time travel here. Just keep thinking that I'm Celebi.

[halloflamer]

Yeah, I don't think I want any of those. Don't you have anything more, uh... divine?

Time travel seems like too much trouble, though. Then again, maybe Celebi could help get us out of here..........

[Viridi, you might be on to something. Hmmmmmm.]

[This couldn't possibly go poorly.]