open: worship me

[forceofnature]

[ley line]

Behold! Assorted sentient apes of the Void!

I come bearing good tidings for all. I, the Great Goddess Viridi, Beloved Nurturer of All Life, She Whose Gentle Majesty is Incomparable and Whose Praises Shall be Sung on the Tongues of Songbirds for Time Immemorial, have deigned to create for you mortals a physical space in which you might offer me worship and adoration. Our -- my shrine is finally finished to perfection!

In return, I shall solve all your problems with my wisdom accumulated from across the ages. For a small nominal fee of ten to fifty seeds, sprouts, or cuttings of any fruit, flower, vine, bush, or flora of your choice, you, too, can benefit from my divine genius.

Love problems? Love yourself first! Lack of motivation? Hit the gym! Despairing at ever returning home from this featureless depressing waste of a world? Join the club and go pour down some single malt whiskeys.

For a testimonial as to the efficacy of my brilliant wisdom, please refer yourselves to:

-That one guy crying on the mountain
-Captain Capitalism, a.k.a. Kaiba boy
-Or Parsee

Oh speaking of -- go worship Parsee, too. This was technically her shrine first before it merged with the other stuff. I'm a fair goddess. Hey Parsee mind if I invite a bunch of people over to our shrine not hearing a no thanks Parsee!

((respond directly to this - or action threads in comments))

Comments

shrine, ota

[forceofnature]

[Anyone who... goes to the shrine to take Viridi up on her offer (why would you??) will find that her corner is decorated, as expected, with overflowing bounties of flowers and vines and woodland aesthetic decorations dragged up from the beach.

...Oddly enough, a part of the shrine is very different from the rest. 'Gothic forest' would be an apt description of that bit, and the entrance is marked with a small sign that has, in light script, the words "Mel's Corner". There is a prominently displayed crow decoration that almost seems to be watching with beady eyes.]

Oh hey!

Here for my divine advice?

Tea leaf lotion! That's what you need. I've got a great formula for you right h -- wait, you're not here for those craters on your face? Ooh, awkward.

Re: shrine, a whole flipping week later! (Forward dated to Feb 7)

[bridge_princess]

[So, funny story Viridi! Parsee absolutely didn't send a message telling her no, because she was back in Gensokyo for the first week of February. Nobody had seen hide nor hair of her for the last week when she just showed up on the bridge, walking towards the shrine.

The first sign that she was back was a firm thump on that drum she'd dragged to the shrine because she didn't want it causing trouble for other people. Hey, guess who was back... and making a racket on a Taiko Drum?]

[forceofnature]

Urgh!

[says Viridi, who probably doesn't constitute 'other people' by dint of being too annoying to consider]

What is that infernal s -- Parsee?!

Huh, I thought you died. [died, went home, same diff]. Do I have to share the shrine again?

[although Parsee will probably notice her corner has also been kept fairly tidy]

[bridge_princess]

Loooooong time ago, Viridi. Long time ago. [In so far as intentionally becoming a spirit was death.] Now that was the reception I expected when I reappeared on the bridge this morning. Nice to see you're still consistent.

[Was that a diss or a complement? That could be hard to say, but Parsee was a creature who appreciated that there were stable things in her life. Knowing that she was going to have to share her space with a half-pint kid of a goddess she'd grouse at all the time? Consistent.]

It seems you're stuck with me, Viridi. Aren't you lucky? Don't get to have the shrine all to yourself.

[She almost mentioned that the whole place was cleaned, but it seemed rude to bring up Mel that way. So, for once she wasn't.]

...how long was I gone?

[forceofnature]

Eh, about a week-ish. You didn't miss very much, if you didn't notice from everything being exactly the same.

I made that sign.

[She gestures to an odd plaque in brushboy writing that says RIP PARSEE NOW AT LAST THIS PLACE IS MINE.]

Arts and crafts for the animal friends. It helps their fine motor skills.

So you went home? I assume it was longer than a week.

unrelated, in front of any berry tree

[forceofnature]

Nnnnnnnnnnnoooooooooo!

[whether you were about to eat a berry, look at a berry, vaguely approach a berry, or walk fifty feet away from a berry, Viridi will dive dramatically in front of you.]

Don't you touch that fruit! It's too cute to eat! Don't even think about it, plant killer! That's right, I'm going there. Did you know that plants release chemical signals when they're under attack?! It's basically them screaming for help! Don't you feel like a monster?! You should, you monster!

Someone call the people for the ethical treatment of adorablefruits! that's one word so it's still 'peta.'

[blue_eyed_obsession]

[The sudden interjection of her reprimand into his thoughts actually garnered a exclamation of surprise, as he hastily drew himself to a stop and looked down at her with exasperation written on his features. Seeing who it was, caused his forehead to crease when he narrowed his eyes.

For the record, he'd been in the vaguely approaching a berry category. A moment later he raised his hands up as evidence that they were indeed, empty.]

What are you even talking about?! Don't you ever get tired of raving like a lunatic? It's not a good look. What in this vicinity even resembles a frui- [Trailing briefly as he caught sight of the creature in question. It was quite animate, with large eyes to boot] Do I look like the sort of person that wants to chase down my sustenance? [Don't answer that] I'm a programmer, not a caveman- I only eat because I have to not because I want to. Your stupid fruit is safe from me.

[forceofnature]

[Viridi is still splayed out on the floor dramatically. ...She's about ten feet away from Kaiba, so the whole thing kind of loses its effect a little.]

I am a warrior of justice and na -- oh you're not going to eat it?

[She hops up surprisingly quickly.]

Kaiba! Is that the first decent thing you've done for me of your own free will?

[blue_eyed_obsession]

[Just a bit. She might have wanted to time it better so she looked more like an obstacle and less like a child having a spontaneous tantrum]

Adding more ridiculous titles? How are you ever going to fit all of those on one business card? [Said more for his own benefit than hers] Of course I'm not going to eat it. [Who wants their food staring back at them? This was also clear evidence that someone spent too much time in the city in his own world. If someone else butchered it, maybe, but he didn't want any part of the process personally. I mean his favorite food was filot mignon and not the vegan variety.]

Who said I was doing anything specifically for you?

[forceofnature]

The phrase you're looking for is 'noble and dignified epithets bestowed upon me by the very nature of my divinity.'

[Viridi dusts herself casually as if she hadn't just made a spectacle of herself.]

And anything you do for nature is by definition something you do for me! I can practically feel your adulation.

ley lane

[bazooker]

If I pray for Parsee, shall I pray for you as well?

[Although, this Goddess sure had an interesting way of presenting herself to everyone here.]

[forceofnature]

No no no. This isn't a prayer and supplication thing; I absolutely don't want your prayer. It's kind of antithetical to the whole anti-human thing I have going on.

I just want plants! And this useless meat body has too many limitations for me to do it easily myself.

It's a simple barter system. Plants for advice and blessings.

[bazooker]

That is certainly an interesting way of explaining you’re human.

But I could offer you some plants! I’ve been planting some vegetables and flowers as of late. I would like to give you one in favor of a blessing!

[forceofnature]

See? It's a win-win. I'll take any vegetables or flowers you have in exchange for one divine gift. Preferably seeds or sprouts.

[she clearly wants to grow her own.]

...I don't know what the gift does, bee tee dubs, but it's sure to be something amazing.

[bazooker]

I'm sure it will and especially if it is coming from a goddess!

[Although, Haru does have to admit, she didn't know just what she could do but...]

Are you at the shrine? I could deliver something to you right now!

ley line

[pragmatism]

[ Is this amusement in Zhongli's thought-voice? It's hard to tell, but he's remaining polite as always ]

Solving every problem is an ambitious claim to make.

[forceofnature]

I've been through the ringer. There's nothing new under the sun. And for humans, their problems are all the same!

It's relationship issues, personal goal issues, or fundamental flaws in their personality that need changing.

I'm really good at identifying the fundamental flaws.

[pragmatism]

So you offer advice for your worshippers to take?

[ No concrete action... hmm. ]

[forceofnature]

Oh no.

I don't have worshipers anymore. This is just your time-tested goddess-approved 'you scratch my back I scratch yours' kind of deal.

I want plants, you all want to be lifted up from your menial and pedestrian issues... Win-win.

[pragmatism]

Will you physically solve their issues, or only give words?

ley line

[halloflamer]

I refuse to testify.

--The whiskey idea's not bad, I guess. What d'you do with the bits of plants?

[forceofnature]

You should be jumping at the chance to write me a full affadavit! After all I did.

[yes, ten minutes of conversation]

...I plant them, numbnuts.

In my garden and shrine.

[halloflamer]

Look, I'm not gonna claim you didn't put in some effort. But brilliant? That's pushing it.

[Well, at least that answer's not exactly too strange.] Oh, is that all?

I mean, I guess this place could use some more flora and fauna. But does it work? I tried planting some berries a long time ago and got squat.

[forceofnature]

That was a while ago. They started growing a few months back! Clearly they recognized my divine presence and were inspired to begin to follow the natural cycle of life.

And we have berries here now.

They have faces.

[halloflamer]

Yeah, I'm, uh. I'm not sure about those.

Seems kind of messed up to pick them. They look a lot like my Exeggutor...

[Not that Blue is opposed to eating meat or any other living things for that matter, but it's different when you're doing the killing yourself!]

...Guess it's all the circle of life no matter what...