open: worship me

[forceofnature]

[ley line]

Behold! Assorted sentient apes of the Void!

I come bearing good tidings for all. I, the Great Goddess Viridi, Beloved Nurturer of All Life, She Whose Gentle Majesty is Incomparable and Whose Praises Shall be Sung on the Tongues of Songbirds for Time Immemorial, have deigned to create for you mortals a physical space in which you might offer me worship and adoration. Our -- my shrine is finally finished to perfection!

In return, I shall solve all your problems with my wisdom accumulated from across the ages. For a small nominal fee of ten to fifty seeds, sprouts, or cuttings of any fruit, flower, vine, bush, or flora of your choice, you, too, can benefit from my divine genius.

Love problems? Love yourself first! Lack of motivation? Hit the gym! Despairing at ever returning home from this featureless depressing waste of a world? Join the club and go pour down some single malt whiskeys.

For a testimonial as to the efficacy of my brilliant wisdom, please refer yourselves to:

-That one guy crying on the mountain
-Captain Capitalism, a.k.a. Kaiba boy
-Or Parsee

Oh speaking of -- go worship Parsee, too. This was technically her shrine first before it merged with the other stuff. I'm a fair goddess. Hey Parsee mind if I invite a bunch of people over to our shrine not hearing a no thanks Parsee!

((respond directly to this - or action threads in comments))

Comments

[forceofnature]

[it's great how Kaiba understands Viridi so deeply and intimately
almost as if... he's actually her follower!!!
not really]

Oh, I'm not that mean. ...Well. I'm mean enough to casually mention it mean-spiritedly, but not mean enough to paint a big red target for you.

I understand you humans well enough to know that your wounded pride means way too much.

I haven't gone around advertising your weird capitalist hell theme park nightmare, have I?

[blue_eyed_obsession]

[Keep up that sort of wording and insinuation and you're going to make him sick.
You know, if he could hear her thoughts.
Which he can't]

If you were, we might have to revisit the mortality of your prized fruit creatures. [He was kidding. Presumably. He still had no desire to kill anything that could stare back at him- currently]

It would take a lot more than you to wound my pride. [Something he shouldn't have argued with really]

It was just a dream. [Replying coolly as if it didn't matter one bit, though truthfully nightmares had always plagued him.. long before the time she referenced]

[forceofnature]

They didn't even exist until this morning. Whereas I had months to spread rumors around about you. It's really because I'm such a kind and giving person.

[or more likely, because she'd have to confess to being helpful in that dream]

And don't play coy with me. I was in there. That cesspool manifested your worst nightmares, specifically.

[blue_eyed_obsession]

I'll accept your reasoning on the first part but discard the second.

[Kind and giving his right eye]

[To this his body took on a more rigid quality than usual which was saying something. He didn't like to discuss his personal fears no matter how unlikely they were to come to fruition]

At least that's the one you decided to barge in on. [Trying to sound cocky about that, but implying he'd had worse] You must have been exposed to some of your own, don't act as if I'm the only one who did.

[forceofnature]

Yes, the difference is that you didn't see mine, so I get to act as if I'm above such petty things as nightmares.

[viridi really likes leaning into the hypocrisy]

It doesn't matter, though. The point is that my magnanimous heart kept your weird trauma buttons to myself for three months. Lavish gratitude is in order, I think.

[...]

Or, you know, just keep away from the fruit, which is all I'm asking.

[blue_eyed_obsession]

Your admission is enough to conclude that discussion satisfactorily enough for me.

[She sure does! Yeah, no. You admitted it Viridi. That counts]

I think it has less to do with your.. magnanimous heart.. [Can you hear the sarcasm?] ..and more to do with your flighty personality.

[Also, she could forget that plethora of gratitude, but maybe she knew it wouldn't fly since she added the last part]

You know if I just walk in it's vicinity it's not going to spontaneously combust, right?

[forceofnature]

What? That's just rude. I am extremely consistent, Mullet Man.

I take any opportunity I can to insult you, I despair of humanity as a whole, and I have a vested interest in the well being of all other living things.

[...]

And you probably do make things spontaneously combust just by walking past them with all the hair spray you use.