open: worship me

[forceofnature]

[ley line]

Behold! Assorted sentient apes of the Void!

I come bearing good tidings for all. I, the Great Goddess Viridi, Beloved Nurturer of All Life, She Whose Gentle Majesty is Incomparable and Whose Praises Shall be Sung on the Tongues of Songbirds for Time Immemorial, have deigned to create for you mortals a physical space in which you might offer me worship and adoration. Our -- my shrine is finally finished to perfection!

In return, I shall solve all your problems with my wisdom accumulated from across the ages. For a small nominal fee of ten to fifty seeds, sprouts, or cuttings of any fruit, flower, vine, bush, or flora of your choice, you, too, can benefit from my divine genius.

Love problems? Love yourself first! Lack of motivation? Hit the gym! Despairing at ever returning home from this featureless depressing waste of a world? Join the club and go pour down some single malt whiskeys.

For a testimonial as to the efficacy of my brilliant wisdom, please refer yourselves to:

-That one guy crying on the mountain
-Captain Capitalism, a.k.a. Kaiba boy
-Or Parsee

Oh speaking of -- go worship Parsee, too. This was technically her shrine first before it merged with the other stuff. I'm a fair goddess. Hey Parsee mind if I invite a bunch of people over to our shrine not hearing a no thanks Parsee!

((respond directly to this - or action threads in comments))

Comments

[bridge_princess]

[Wait? This little blonde hobgoblin had looked for her? Parsee leveled a little 'buuuuuullshit' look at her when she said that, though she eventually thought of a ew reasons she might have actually done it, so she didn't say anything. Still!]

No, I don't actually think I'm contagious. Least of all to you. [If this was what she was having an inkling it was, Viridi was too self-absorbed to be affected, or so she assumed.]

[forceofnature]

Hmmmmmmmm.

[Viridi squints before backing up ten feet anyway.]

No offense, but with the wacky hijinks this place comes up with, you're probably super contagious.

I'm not responsible for viruses, by the way, so don't blame me. Also known as 'technically not alive' packages of protein and DNA.

Bacteria are a different story.

[bridge_princess]

None actually taken, but... [Cough. Yep... definitely another feather. FUCK.] I... think I know what this might be. It's not catching, and you are about the last person I think would ever get this. It's not a natural disease.

...

This is totally not my fault. It's absolutely not my fault. I only just learned it exists back home.

[forceofnature]

...Parsee, did you go home just to bring back some sort of super weird esoteric disease?

[She squints even further.]

That's exactly the kind of thing this place would do, isn't it?

Alright, well, how do you cure it so I minimize the chance of me being mildly inconvenienced?

[bridge_princess]

[Hah, neither of them knew it, but it was totally Legion's accidental doing. The Geth had been the one keyed off for the Overgrowth plague. But such things weren't always clear.]

Well that wasn't the plan obviously but it is the sort of thing the Void would do But if you aren't repressing feelings you're probably fine. We both know why I would have something like that, and I'm not talking 'bout that. But you're hardly the repress anything sort.

[forceofnature]

It's a mental disease?

[She gives a faint shrug.]

Alright, well, there's literally an adjective for that and I am, indeed, irrepressible. Guess you gotta deal with it.

You should tell me all about Rinoa so you heal faster.

[bridge_princess]

If... I'm right, I have to talk to her. Just telling you's not going to do anything. What good would that do? You already know, and she already knows I might. I have to actually deal with her, and I'm not doing that.

Nope. Screw that. [Cough] I don't need her to say "I'm sorry but no. I don't feel that way." I can cough up cherry blossoms for a while over that.

[Except it got much worse and she damned well knew that.]

[forceofnature]

Parsee, please. You're going to waste away from some sort of imaginary feelings disease because you'd rather suffer than just talk to somebody about how you -- what am I saying, of course you would.

...Did you say 'cherry blossoms'?

[Parsee finds herself suddenly looking into a big bucket.]

Cough in here, please. Cherry blossoms are the perfect visual pop for my next display.

[bridge_princess]

Of course I'd do that! [She snapped before coughing hard and looking down at the blood flecked petals.] At least you're finally figuring it out. If I tell her... it ends everything. I can pretend she might say yes this way. I'm ok being in pain for that. She has Squall. She doesn't need me.

...

Hate to disappoint, but it's actually Rose petals. Yellow and Red. Because of course it is. Jealousy and Passion. Duh.

[forceofnature]

Ugh, don't lie about the flora excreting from your respiratory system!

[the bucket goes away as Viridi sighs in disappointment]

And that's so dumb.

...His name, I mean, Squall is a bad name.

Your thing is dumb, too, but you probably already know that. What on earth do you possibly gain from being in limbo?

[bridge_princess]

Oh shut up. I bet you've never even fallen for someone in the first place. You wouldn't know what it's like. I've been lonely for thousands of years. And she... I just don't want to give up on the lie for a little longer alright? I can lie to myself like this. I can pretend it's fine.

[She grunted.]

There's a lot of dumb things about him. And he's not here either, thank god.

[forceofnature]

Ehhh...

No, I'll admit it's not like yours.

[Viridi gives a shrug. Pit was a friend. ...If somebody pushed real hard, she would admit she thought he was cute when flustered. But it wasn't as if she was deeply in love or anything.]

Do you want to borrow Urgle? He's great company. Does whatever you want whenever you want.

[The tree waves again.]

I still think you're hurting yourself over something unnecessary, but it's your life.

[bridge_princess]

[She glanced at the tree and waved back idly.]

Ngh... Nah, I'll be fine. I'm definitely fine. And you're right. It isn't really necessary but it's just how I am. How most humans are too. They avoid their problems until it's too late.

Why the disease exists at all.

But I don't handle rejection well.

[She handled it a hell of a lot better than cheating, however.]

[forceofnature]

I guess holding on to rejection forever is kind of your thing.

[They seem to have exhausted this topic for now if Parsee's not going to budge. Viridi will shrug and pick up her broom, having lost some interest.]

I'm doing some cleaning, by the way.

...If you want to help, you can stand off to the side until I'm done and then maybe you can artfully cough at a 45 degree angle so the petals scatter nicely.

[bridge_princess]

I'm not that bad.

[Yes she was. Her only real saving grace was that it wasn't actually 'her thing.' But avoiding rejection? Absolutely a thing for her. She made a face and glared at her.]

How about we both sweep on opposite sides so I don't cough unrequited love in your face?

[forceofnature]

Look, if you're going to torture yourself, it can at least be put to a good cause. Your misery is to my benefit, so it ends up being a sort of net neutral effect.

A lose-win. Which cancels out to a nothing. Which is better than a lose!

[...]

[bridge_princess]

Ngh... you know, I might just cough right in your face to see if I can share this with you intentionally. [Mutter mutter.]

fine. Sweep everything up. You're such an idiot sometimes.

[Why did she put up with it? She was getting paid attention to, and that was important to her, even if it was negative attention.]

[forceofnature]

I have a tree that punches people for me now.

[Viridi cheerfully responds, although Urgle doesn't seem too enthused at the prospect of punching Parsee.]

Perfect!

You won't regret a thing.

[yes she will]

[bridge_princess]

Been punched by bigger things than a tree. But sure, we can do this. [She settled herself into a seat and gave the poor tree being talked about a nod.] Besides, I don't really have to do that much work for this one, do I?

[Yeah, but she was used to regretting things with Viridi.]

[forceofnature]

((This tag got eaten by notifs! Really sorry! Although I think we're close to the end anyway.))

No, just be your usual cheerful self and I'll pick up after you. It will be fine.

[And just as the scene closes on this comic scene of two goddess/spirits, Viridi feels a tickle in her throat and clears it.

...She tries very hard to ignore that.]

Fade to Silliness!

[bridge_princess]

(OOC: Damn you dreamwidth! *shakes a mighty fist* hah, happens all the time. No worries, and yeah we're close. I'll have a March post up when the next slate of imprints goes up, probably early month. I think this is a great close point for the thread as is.
Nice, amusing capstone.)