tabularasa_rp | open: worship me

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open: worship me

[ley line]

Behold! Assorted sentient apes of the Void!

I come bearing good tidings for all. I, the Great Goddess Viridi, Beloved Nurturer of All Life, She Whose Gentle Majesty is Incomparable and Whose Praises Shall be Sung on the Tongues of Songbirds for Time Immemorial, have deigned to create for you mortals a physical space in which you might offer me worship and adoration. Our -- my shrine is finally finished to perfection!

In return, I shall solve all your problems with my wisdom accumulated from across the ages. For a small nominal fee of ten to fifty seeds, sprouts, or cuttings of any fruit, flower, vine, bush, or flora of your choice, you, too, can benefit from my divine genius.

Love problems? Love yourself first! Lack of motivation? Hit the gym! Despairing at ever returning home from this featureless depressing waste of a world? Join the club and go pour down some single malt whiskeys.

For a testimonial as to the efficacy of my brilliant wisdom, please refer yourselves to:

-That one guy crying on the mountain
-Captain Capitalism, a.k.a. Kaiba boy
-Or Parsee

Oh speaking of -- go worship Parsee, too. This was technically her shrine first before it merged with the other stuff. I'm a fair goddess. Hey Parsee mind if I invite a bunch of people over to our shrine not hearing a no thanks Parsee!

((respond directly to this - or action threads in comments))

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[The sudden interjection of her reprimand into his thoughts actually garnered a exclamation of surprise, as he hastily drew himself to a stop and looked down at her with exasperation written on his features. Seeing who it was, caused his forehead to crease when he narrowed his eyes.

For the record, he'd been in the vaguely approaching a berry category. A moment later he raised his hands up as evidence that they were indeed, empty.]

What are you even talking about?! Don't you ever get tired of raving like a lunatic? It's not a good look. What in this vicinity even resembles a frui- [Trailing briefly as he caught sight of the creature in question. It was quite animate, with large eyes to boot] Do I look like the sort of person that wants to chase down my sustenance? [Don't answer that] I'm a programmer, not a caveman- I only eat because I have to not because I want to. Your stupid fruit is safe from me.

Edited 2021-02-03 09:32 (UTC)

[Viridi is still splayed out on the floor dramatically. ...She's about ten feet away from Kaiba, so the whole thing kind of loses its effect a little.]

I am a warrior of justice and na -- oh you're not going to eat it?

[She hops up surprisingly quickly.]

Kaiba! Is that the first decent thing you've done for me of your own free will?

[Just a bit. She might have wanted to time it better so she looked more like an obstacle and less like a child having a spontaneous tantrum]

Adding more ridiculous titles? How are you ever going to fit all of those on one business card? [Said more for his own benefit than hers] Of course I'm not going to eat it. [Who wants their food staring back at them? This was also clear evidence that someone spent too much time in the city in his own world. If someone else butchered it, maybe, but he didn't want any part of the process personally. I mean his favorite food was filot mignon and not the vegan variety.]

Who said I was doing anything specifically for you?

The phrase you're looking for is 'noble and dignified epithets bestowed upon me by the very nature of my divinity.'

[Viridi dusts herself casually as if she hadn't just made a spectacle of herself.]

And anything you do for nature is by definition something you do for me! I can practically feel your adulation.

No, I don't think I was searching for that at all. What a fantasy world you perpetually live in.

[Shaking his head and dropping his hands back to his sides]

Anything I do is for myself, not for any other reason. [As if there was any doubt. ~~Though it was somewhat inaccurate, there weren't many here that would refute the claim~~] Are you sure that's not heartburn?

It's too late! I told you not to do something and you didn't do it! By dint of obeying my divine edict - even if it was something you were already going to do anyway - you've infused me with greater strength!

You're practically my follower at this point.

Would you like the complimentary tote bag? They come in green, blue, and rainbow.

Edited 2021-02-04 03:45 (UTC)

What kind of sense does that make to anyone that adheres to logic? [ then he scoffed] Adheres to logic, look who I'm talking to. [Waving a hand in her general vicinity] You could talk yourself in circles for days and never reach a coherent conclusion.

Assuming I'd follow you in any capacity is as deluded as that advertisement you made earlier. [Yes, he did manage to be in a position to hear it] Consequently, I'd prefer you'd not go around using my name as a reference- butchered though it was. You gave me advice one time.. [Advice he thus far haven't taken. Sure he considered it at the time. The fact that someone as difficult as her was telling him he'd gone too far was significant, but with his revenge on Iwa consuming his thoughts he'd doubled-down on the bad behavior not improved]

If anyone asks for clarification on just what great things you did for me I won't be giving you glowing praise.

Eh, logic and gods never got along very well. I just do whatever annoys you most.

[Which is, by itself, a certain form of logic.]

I gave you amazing advice. If you got bad results out of it, it's probably because you didn't follow it. [which clearly he didn't because he's still his regular charming self] It's still good advertisement! Follow Viridi's advice or you'll end up like Kaiba, oooooooh ~

I would believe that last part, unquestionably.

[Viridi had made no secret about how she enjoyed pushing his buttons]

I didn't. [Confirming that fact unnecessarily. He knew it was unlikely that he could keep her from referencing him, but he also found it unlikely that it would happen again. She'd lose interest and flit to a new subject or topic in time.]

So... who was 'that one guy crying on the mountain'?

[it's great how Kaiba understands Viridi so deeply and intimately
almost as if... he's actually her follower!!!
not really]

Oh, I'm not that mean. ...Well. I'm mean enough to casually mention it mean-spiritedly, but not mean enough to paint a big red target for you.

I understand you humans well enough to know that your wounded pride means way too much.

I haven't gone around advertising your weird capitalist hell theme park nightmare, have I?

[Keep up that sort of wording and insinuation and you're going to make him sick.
You know, if he could hear her thoughts.
Which he can't]

If you were, we might have to revisit the mortality of your prized fruit creatures. [He was kidding. Presumably. He still had no desire to kill anything that could stare back at him- currently]

It would take a lot more than you to wound my pride. [Something he shouldn't have argued with really]

It was just a dream. [Replying coolly as if it didn't matter one bit, though truthfully nightmares had always plagued him.. long before the time she referenced]

They didn't even exist until this morning. Whereas I had months to spread rumors around about you. It's really because I'm such a kind and giving person.

[or more likely, because she'd have to confess to being helpful in that dream]

And don't play coy with me. I was in there. That cesspool manifested your worst nightmares, specifically.

I'll accept your reasoning on the first part but discard the second.

[Kind and giving his right eye]

[To this his body took on a more rigid quality than usual which was saying something. He didn't like to discuss his personal fears no matter how unlikely they were to come to fruition]

At least that's the one you decided to barge in on. [Trying to sound cocky about that, but implying he'd had worse] You must have been exposed to some of your own, don't act as if I'm the only one who did.

Yes, the difference is that you didn't see mine, so I get to act as if I'm above such petty things as nightmares.

[viridi really likes leaning into the hypocrisy]

It doesn't matter, though. The point is that my magnanimous heart kept your weird trauma buttons to myself for three months. Lavish gratitude is in order, I think.

[...]

Or, you know, just keep away from the fruit, which is all I'm asking.

Your admission is enough to conclude that discussion satisfactorily enough for me.

[~~She sure does!~~ Yeah, no. You admitted it Viridi. That counts]

I think it has less to do with your.. magnanimous heart.. [Can you hear the sarcasm?] ..and more to do with your flighty personality.

[Also, she could forget that plethora of gratitude, but maybe she knew it wouldn't fly since she added the last part]

You know if I just walk in it's vicinity it's not going to spontaneously combust, right?

What? That's just rude. I am extremely consistent, Mullet Man.

I take any opportunity I can to insult you, I despair of humanity as a whole, and I have a vested interest in the well being of all other living things.

[...]

And you probably do make things spontaneously combust just by walking past them with all the hair spray you use.

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