tabularasa_rp | [closed] I don't believe in much but I believe in you

[For Alakazam in particular, it was hard to miss it- the apartments were practically festering in negative emotions and thoughts dredged up by the illness that's spread across it, borne not viraly, but internally. But he knows his trainer's avoidance all too well; Blue wasn't the type who was going to look his problems in the eye unless he absolutely had to.]

[In that sense, he was thankful the other human had arrived. Finally, someone could drag some sense out of his trainer.]

[The Pokémon sits in his spot by the door, spinning his spoons idly as Raihan settles in to chat with Blue. The bottle is taken with a skeptical loft of a brow, although he has to admit the cool touch of it is already pleasant...] What's this...? Smells like Berry Juice. [He gives a small whiff before tucking it against his pillow for later. Maybe he'll sneak a splash of liquor into it.] Why, you asking me out on a date? [He responds snidely, voice tinged with exhaustion. Anyone could see they were both in rough shape, but Blue is deflecting, at least a little.] Sorry, dragon boy, but you gotta at least impress me in a battle 'fore I put out.

[Way easier to be flippant than admit anything he's been thinking about, lately.] I think this place sucks. What, came to rub it in?

It is, sort of... They're not quite Oran Berries, but it's close enough. Blended 'em at the bar.

[ the only reason he had enough energy to come over here was because he had some himself earlier, but he knows it's a temporary reprieve at best - the fever and exhaustion always seem to come back, no matter how much rest he gets. Blue's comment, however, gets a smirk from him. ]

I didn't come here to flirt, believe it or not. [ and for Raihan, that means something is very wrong. ] What's there to rub in? We're in the same boat.

[ his hands stuff into his hoodie pockets, hesitating for a moment. he'd come here thinking this would be easy, but actually trying to gather his thoughts together is proving to be more complicated than he thought. ]

I meant what's causing it. You know. [ he points a thumb over at his wastebasket. ] I'm gonna tell you anyway, but I want to know what you think.

Edited 2021-02-21 20:44 (UTC)

Hmm, you better have cleaned up after yourself! [Blue scolds because he can, and because he's still avoiding the main point Raihan is getting at. Still, some fresh Oran was appreciated.... He won't pretend this guy is such a bother.]

[Unscrewing the lid a little after second thoughts, he starts to nurse the drink, but not before tossing Raihan a nasty, exhausted glance over the lip of it, taking his time to sip before he answers.] Same boat, the hell? Speak for yourself. [As if he's wrong.... But whatever, Blue can take his sweet time letting Raihan pull teeth to get it out of him, if he's going to prod about it!]

[After a long pause, mulling over his mouthful of smoothie, he swallows and grumbles out,] ....This's your fault, you know. [He knew that stupid conversation was just tempting fate. It's not so bad, they'd said that time on the mountain, and now look!]

[The chill of the smoothie makes him want to cough a little more, but at least it's soothing the flush of his head so he can think.] I'll give you the getting sick, maybe, but explain the flowers.

[ he doesn't grace that first part with an answer - obviously he cleaned up, Blue is just trying to get a jab in - but that second part makes him cock an eyebrow. ] Oh yeah? How'd you figure?

[ how rude! looks like his peace offering didn't have much bearing on how the conversation is going... maybe he should speed things up a bit. ]

Dunno. [ he shrugs. he said he could explain; he didn't say he could explain well. ] But everyone's coughing up different flowers, and they all mean different things. Guess the void wanted to get creative... but from what I've been told, the common thread is holding back emotions. Get 'em out in the open, and you're cured.

[ he crosses his ankles. he's fidgeting, but he's doing his best to make it look natural. ]

So I'll tell my story if you tell me yours. [ a beat. he's probably going to get chewed out for this, but it has to be done. ] Like I said. Same boat.

[Good, he's learning.] I figure cuz I warned you about it in the first place, [He complains, gesturing with an arm outward, perhaps towards the ley lines.] This is even worse than an eclipse!!

[He brings his hand back to his mouth again, attempting to suppress a cough, as Raihan gives his own explanation. He doesn't look happy about it, but not surprised, either- and he levels a calculating, mistrustful look at Raihan, narrowed eyes and silence for a long moment as he takes his time coughing and sputtering.]

[The same, huh. Sure, they both knew well enough about that already. But Blue was sure there was a lot to the story of him and Red that Raihan had no clue about, unless Lance had been gossiping too much, and he wonders if things are really as similar as Raihan seems to think they are.]

[He doubts it. But he'll give some benefit of the doubt. Holding it in to be so picky was lonely.]

....I don't really know much about your Champ, you know, I told you, [He finally replies, and his words are slow and measured.] You know plenty 'nough about Red, so why don't you start us off?

An eclipse is one thing, but don't go blaming me for the flower plague! And besides, I told it not to write it down...

[ as if that would have helped! but he'll defend himself on this account - he always keeps in tip-top shape, so illness in general is rare for him. that, and it's not as if their world has anything remotely close to a disease like this.

he meets Blue's gaze straight-on, his usually relaxed expression taking on something a little more sincere. he wants everyone to get better - that includes Blue, but he feels a little more equipped to be the listening ear for him than anyone else. hopefully that much can be reciprocated, but it's not as if he has much of a choice. it's either this, or choking to death on flowers and blood. he smiles. ]

Sure thing.

[ he sits up a little, crossing one leg over the other - more fidgeting. ]

We haven't known each other for as long as you and Red have. We met at the opening ceremonies of our League Challenge year, when we were rookies. It was just me n' Goodra then - she was just a Goomy, so we weren't exactly powerhouses. [ he chuckles a little at the memory. ] I was a hotheaded little shite, but Leon... he was a prodigy. He charged through the challenge like it was a breeze, and I had to struggle to keep up.

[ his pace was fine - above average, most would say - but everyone's track records that year paled in comparison to Leon's. he had been a favourite challenger to bet on making it to the finals early on, and those who supported him weren't disappointed with the results. ]

We battled it out every time we crossed paths, and I got my arse kicked every time. Before I knew it, I was progressing just to make sure that we could face off in the finals... I felt like I knew him and his battle style better than anyone. I'd battle him there and win, and he'd finally pay attention to me the way I wanted him to.

You? Hotheaded?

[Blue passes a skeptical look, but he keeps his mouth shut after that. No, he figures it wasn't as common for most rivals to go as far back as childhood neighbors or friends, but rather a situation like Raihan's, where they met along their journey. Not that neighborhood rivalries weren't common, either.]

[Even if people asked what was in the water in Pallet Town. That was a whole other basket of Exeggcute.]

[Blue had always been the one blazing ahead while Red dominated at his own pace. Maybe it took longer for people on the outside to realize what a prodigy he'd been when Blue was busy hogging the spotlight, and that had been exactly how he wanted it. Maybe he'd just worked so hard to stay ahead because he knew what would happen when they met in battle every time.]

[He scoffs irritably to himself, feels a burn in his chest, and tries to listen, instead.]

Didn't think to get ahead, huh? [Blue grins, and interjects again,] Kidding. I know how your League works. Wouldn't have mattered, right?

[He knows how this story ends. What matters to him, more, is what comes after. All the time inbetween the battles- he wonders what that guy, Leon, must have thought, every time he smacked Raihan back down.]

...So did he? [His eyes drift away, bitterly. He knows the answer to that already. He doesn't even have to ask.] Ever?

Right? [ he flashes him a lopsided grin. ] I chilled out as I got older, but it took a while.

[ after this year's finals, people were beginning to wonder the same thing about Postwick. rural towns sure seem to be the breeding ground for talent nowadays... but that's a topic for another time. he has to pause for a coughing fit of his own, covering it with his hand. when it subsides, there's a few flecks of dandelion petals between his fingers. ]

Nope. And while I was struggling to get to Wyndon, he was already fielding sponsors for when he'd take to the pitch for the Champion Cup. Honestly, it pissed me off... here I was working to my dream, and people were acting like he already had it. It just motivated me to prove them wrong.

[ which didn't happen, of course - not in the way he wanted, anyway. his match against Leon in the finals was close, and is regarded as one of the most captivating and exciting in the Galar League's recent history. but Raihan hadn't won, and that was all he cared about in that moment. ]

'Course he didn't. [ his smile remains, but it's clearly tinged with melancholy. ] Leon wears his heart on his sleeve. He'll tell you exactly how it is, whether you want to hear it or not... and he never said what I wanted him to.

["you're my greatest rival" was a sign of respect and friendship, sure, but it never went beyond that point. even now, it was the highest form of praise that Leon would offer him. he knows it's genuine and not just a platitude, but it would always fall short of what he was longing for. ]

Didn't take me long to realize that I wasn't battling him for the Champion prestige anymore. All I wanted was his attention.

[ he'd risen through the ranks at Hammerlocke Stadium and come into his own as its Gym Leader in time, but there was no denying to himself that the reason he had taken that step in the first place was because it was the closest he could be to Leon. ]

Hummm... coulda fooled me. [Then again, you could hardly stay competitive as a rival if you were that relaxed. It just makes Blue want to face him in a battle even more.]

[It's familiar frustration, even if it's not directed in the same places... Blue chews on how much he's willing to tell from his own side as Raihan coughs. He doesn't quite recognize exactly what the little bits of petal were that escape his coughing, but they're far different from his own.]

[It was the same old song and dance. Completely unseen, completely misunderstood. Blue's jaw slides, staring at a point out the tiny window of his apartment, irritation boiling in his throat with blood.]

They don't even see it, [He mutters, and hesitates for a long moment of his own.] I knew it since we were kids. Since way before we even became trainers. Maybe not exactly how it was, but....

[His head hangs, and his hands muss in his hair irritably as he tries to work up the words.] ...But other things happened, and it got... complicated....

After that... I never felt like we could even be friends anymore. He was just an obstacle, in the way of ....somethin' else.

[Every fiber in his being strains to keep him from talking about this. There was a lot of danger in it, especially when Gramps was right down the hall.....]

...You said we're the same, but it's a lot more complicated, for me. On top'f all of that stuff, on top of him never noticing, there was... the other stuff.

[ it'll happen in due time... probably. but until then, both of them have to be content with not knowing each other completely - there are ways of communication that can only come to light in a battle, and he's sure that both of them know that all too well. ]

It's better that he doesn't, honestly. It'd just make things complicated. [ he sighs. he's gone through the scenario in his head more times than he can count - fantasies and wishful thinking were one thing, but logically it just wouldn't work out. Leon doesn't see him that way. ] Doesn't make it any easier to deal with... but it is what it is.

[ he quiets down to listen to Blue, watching his turmoil carefully. his instinct is not to pry, but if they're going to cure themselves, he might have to. ]

Like what?

[Through battle.... he's sure their frustrations would be more easily communicated, too; the sort of frenzied irritation and self-consciousness he instinctively figured they both had. It seeped into everything and colored their feelings toward their rivals.]

[It bore the fruit that was now rooted in their chests. Maybe if they'd had a proper outlet here, things might not have gotten to this point. Blue grumbles to himself.]

Yeah. I get you. [His mouth twists with irritation. How does he put any of it? Well, to begin with, he clams up cold with Raihan's question. With a kind of nervous hesitation, his eyes flick subconsciously towards the doorway to the hall, as if thinking of something in particular, before he tightens in on himself.]

[No.... This wasn't something he was willing to talk about. Not when he's here. It's way too complicated. He swallows it down.... as unhealthy as that is, and another coughing fit tries to erupt from him.]

It's........ [He finds something else to say about it, instead, when he catches his breath again.] After a certain point, when we were kids... He only ever cared about Pokémon. That was how it felt. I started to see him as more of an obstacle than a goal. I started to hate him.

Suffice to say, things were pretty rough between us for a long time. [Guilt clouds his features.] I was pretty cold towards him, but all I'd wanted was for him to notice me again.

....Didn't really work out that way....

[ he notices the renewed silence - an uncommon occurrence between the two of them, but understandable considering the circumstances. he's at least glad that they can sympathize with each other on some level, even if it's not 1:1. he stifles his own cough as he listens, wincing at the pain that begins to well into his wrist from the corsage-like flower growing from it. ]

You guys seemed close when he was around. Could've fooled me.

[ he gives him a smile, but it's a little weak. ] You mean a lot to him. Bloke didn't say a lot to me, but I could at least gather that much.

I mean, we're friends again now. It took a long time, [Blue sighs raggedly. How to explain all the dead silence in between, living his whole adolescence clinging to his childhood and trying to pry himself away from it, coming into his own, only to meet Red again as a burgeoning adult. It had been a difficult struggle, and yet... Once they reunited, Blue couldn't imagine them being apart again.]

[He's always wondered how it was for Red. Maybe it was just wishful thinking, but Blue could only hope that there had been as much longing and thought of the other on his side- but then again, if Blue really was confident in that, would he have the bloom in his chest right now?]

--All ready for prom, huh? [He manages to crack a pained smirk, nodding his chin towards Raihan's clutched wrist. Maybe it's a weak change of subject, but... There wasn't much to say, whenever someone insisted to Blue that there was a glimmer of a chance that Red returned his feelings. They didn't really understand- all of the different reasons it could be impossible, how could he possibly explain all of them?]

[ he doesn't have to explain himself more than he wants to. it'll mean that Raihan doesn't know the full story, sure, but the gist of a situation like this is enough to at least empathize. Raihan is almost certain that what he's feeling is unrequited; he had honestly thought he had come to terms with it, but maybe the onset of this illness is proof that he hasn't quite gotten there yet. ]

Sure, if I'm getting stood up. [ he smirks as he flexes his fingers, trying to will away the sting. ] Bit pathetic, if you ask me... but if this works, hopefully it won't be around for much longer.

[ he has a feeling it's not going to be a snap recovery, and dreads thinking about what the recovery process might be if the sickness has been this unpleasant. ] Y'think all that was enough to cure us?

[Blue shares a self-deprecating breath of a laugh at that. Somehow, there was comfort in commiseration; maybe it's only a placebo, but he can't help but feel that already the pain in his chest has started to numb, if even just slightly.]

[Or maybe that was him dying. Who knows!]

Who knows? This place works by its own rules.... Maybe it can just tell how frustrated we all are.

[You know what he means, Raihan. He shoots the other man a teasing grin, almost a little... softer. Like he knows just how to switch on certain charms he has.]

...But you know, if you wanna cover all your bases, we could always... try and work it out.... A little more actively.

[ oh... that’s surprisingly naughty, but Raihan isn’t put-off by it. it’s pretty funny when you contextualize it with everything they’ve said, and it’s not as if he’s new to the idea of being flirted with, joking or otherwise. he’ll be taking it as the former, anyhow.

that being said, Blue isn’t exactly wrong. ]

So what was all of that whining about “impressing you” for if you were just gonna put out anyway? [ he snorts. ] I know I’m irresistible, but don’t get too excited.

Sheesh. Who's excited? Don't come rushing into my sheets or anything, I was kidding, [Blue laughs with only a slight pause of surprise when Raihan doesn't turn him down right away. Then again, maybe he should have known better.]

[The guy was coughing up seeds.]

--I wasn't kidding about that, though. I mean, not like we can battle, anyway.... But I have pretty high standards, you know. And I don't mean how often you walk into doorframes.

[He smiles sweetly.]

Right. [ he doesn’t sound convinced, but sure, whatever helps him sleep through the night. bringing it up once is a joke, but twice starts to sound dangerously like a serious proposition.

it’s not the worst idea in the world, but they clearly have more pressing matters to attend to. it’s not very attractive to hack up a lung while you’re trying to flirt. ]

If they didn’t want me walking into ‘em, they should make ‘em taller! [ he pouts. even in a blank-slate world, his height isn’t accommodated! he’d like to speak to the void’s manager, please. ] But my standards are pretty up there too.

[ he stands, brow furrowing for a moment as he feels the full pain in his chest spike with the movement. he’s said his piece... now it’s time to hope that things get better. ] So you’d better rest up so we both stop being sickly bastards, alright? Or else I’ll have to start lowering them.

[ he moves to leave, but not before nodding to the glass bottle he had given him. ] And make sure you drink all of that. I worked hard on it.

[ joking! probably. ]

Yeah, let it know! [Blue jeers, only to break out into a coughing fit in his enthusiasm. Serves him right.]

[He smears away the fresh glut of petals with a bitter curse, and forces the grin back onto his face.] Lowering 'em... For little ole me? Aw.... [Blue cradles the smoothie closer, and can't help giving it a soft glance. He did appreciate the effort; he was going to have to find some way to repay it without inflating Raihan's ego too much....]

'm sure I'll be good to go in no time. Don't count me out just yet, dragon boy.

[He flashes a cocky smirk, despite how awful he looks. And sure enough, in a week or so, The glut in his chest seems to have gradually dissipated, and all he coughs up now is the occasional shredded bits of petal. There seems to be a lingering, nagging sensation in him, though, that he never quite shakes.........]

[Still, he's much better. And in that week or so later, Blue is surprised when he once again has a knock at the door, pulling open the door with surprise, and then a playful smirk.]

Back for more, huh?

[ sorry, buddy. he can sympathize with the coughing to an extent, but at some point you start bringing it on yourself. all he hopes is that he didn't bare his emotions for nothing... it wasn't pleasant in the least, but he'd much prefer someone with a similar experience knowing about a sensitive matter than being choked to death by flowers. he has no intention of counting Blue out, or himself for that matter.

the week goes by with more wallowing in sickly misery, but the blight does eventually subside. coughing up stems and more dandelion petals isn't pretty, nor is cutting out the pink camellia that had taken root into his wrist, but he manages with perseverance and some serious teeth-gritting. he'd made a point of leaving Blue alone in the week it takes him to recover - friendly as they were with each other, they had said what they needed to. now that he's well, however, he wants to at least check on him to see if their results had been the same.

the smirk he's met with is all he needs to determine that much, but then he opens his mouth and says that. he seriously isn't letting up... ]

More what, exactly? [ he cocks an eyebrow, leaning casually on his doorframe. he'll play dumb, just to see what Blue thinks. ] I just wanted to see if you were still hacking flowers up. You know, like a proper mate would.

Edited 2021-03-06 22:12 (UTC)

Uh-huh. [A likely story! Blue smiles sweetly and steps aside to let him in, if he wanted to; then again, if he feels like loitering against the doorway, Blue won't make him.]

Anyway, I'm feeling way better! Doing peachy over here; how about you?

[He gives a glance-over; at least that 'corsage' was gone from his wrist, but he can't help a face at the bandages in their place. He doesn't think he wants to know what that involved.] Not still coughing up phlegmy seeds?

[ he'll take that offered welcome, stepping in casually. he doesn't intend to stay long - this really is just meant to be a check-in, but Blue is clearly feeling cheeky. if he's feeling better, he shouldn't be cooped up in here. ]

Never better! [ he grins, bright and earnest. ] Wasn't the most fun to get over, but no seeds in sight for a day and a half. I'll call myself cured.

[ he notices that grimace, but makes no attempt to acknowledge it besides a quick smirk. it looks bad, he knows. ] Still can't believe all of that actually worked, though...

[ you know. the confessions. ]

[With Raihan strolling in, Blue closes the door behind them and passes back inside, popping a seat on the edge of his bed and crossing his leg over his knee.] Ugh, I've still got... pulpy junk here and there, but it's pretty much over with. Still taking it easy just in case, though.

[Blue's eyes slide towards Raihan slyly, and he appears to be chewing on his reply for a second beforehand.] If oversharing was the cure to illness, social media'd be a whole lot better. Anyway, if it hadn't, what would you have done?

[About the illness, or about spilling...]

Right, right. So is an invitation for celebratory barbecue is out of the question?

[ it's not a date, it's just him wanting to get out after two weeks of wallowing around feeling like crap. don't get the wrong idea - he will very much go without Blue if he says no. company would be nice, though. ]

You're speaking my language... but I dunno. I think I still would've only told one person even if I had my socials. [ as much as he loves to post, he'd like to keep some things in an inner circle. his follow-up question, is what interests him more, though - the answer seems obvious ] Kept looking for a cure? Not sure I want to think about what the alternative would've been.

[closed] I don't believe in much but I believe in you

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