tabularasa_rp | (open) where have you been? been searching all along 𝅘𝅥𝅮

Yeah, I figured as much. [Blue grins slightly, from behind the lip of his drink.] You probably just went along at your own pace...

[The type to gather others, instead; leading just by existing. Blue gets that kind of personality, but Red wasn't quite the same. People were drawn to him, and others liked him, even if he had a hard time dealing with them- he had no interest in that sort of thing.]

[It certainly was far from a 1:1 comparison, but.... Suffice to say, Blue had noted certain personality quirks.]

[Speaking of.]

What does it have to do with him? [Blue lofts an eyebrow, sipping his drink again. Sheesh, Ren; he's not as tipsy as you are on one beer. You ain't catching him in this net.] We're here to talk about you, and this little meltdown you're having. Me? I'm peachy-keen.

[Blue's eyes roll up as he takes a few more gulps, and sets his beer back down.] We grew up childhood friends....... Of course I care 'bout him. It's complicated, when you know someone that long. Worse when things haven't always been that great.

How long've you known Akechi-kun?

(That's his question, what does the whole growing up talk and the need to do it fast has to do with Red and Blue at all? Ren reaches for his beer, the one that Blue had taken. By the time he gives it a sip, he remembers how bitter it tastes... Ugh.

The word 'meltdown' is taken with a glare by Ren, because it wasn't one until Blue brought up the subject, or at least it's what he's decided, even if it's a lie almost the size of the Void itself.

Blue's words, however, trigger a little peak of interest in Ren's features, visible by the eyebrows that went gently up and the catlike curiosity that comes out of it again. )

Things not being always great is expected, isn't it?

(It's not bait for information, but instead, a genuine comment. Isn't that part of life? Things are inherently imperfect, even the things worth experiencing.)

Since June. It's supposedly January.

(Although so much had happened within those months that it's impossible to not feel like it's so much longer...

Finally, a deal is a deal and Blue had followed through, albeit not as much as Ren would like. He owes the same cortesy, so he circles back to the question as to why is it so complicated. At least now he had time to put together something that doesn't really involve murder, betrayal and death...)

A lot happened. We hurt each other a few times really badly and there's still a lot of unresolved arguments and issues.

(While Ren obviously drew the short end of the stick, he realizes that he too emotionally stabbed Akechi several times, even if a good amount wasn't his choice whatsoever. Not only did Ren lie to him for several months, pretending not to know about his nature as a Metaverse user, but he hurt his pride by defeating him, had the revenge he so desired and unlike the other, had way too many tools promptly given to him to make that happen. God's favorite, so to say.

It's not the same as getting shot in the head, but alas. It's not great either.)

[Impulsively, Blue almost reaches to snatch the beer out of Ren's reach again, but... fine, he'll allow this one indulgence!! But he's monitoring you, child; if you get any sloppier, you're done.]

[He knows damn well this 'meltdown' of his would have been had, now or later, eventually; if he's bottling all this up there's only one way for it to go. Alcohol was funny like that; it sort of unplugged all of that, and eased the memory of you letting go, so you couldn't remember it too badly.]

[...Not that it erased the consequences.]

Hmmm. Yeah.

[Blue agrees mildly, but instead he listens to Ren's reply. Only half a year? ...Blue supposes for a teen romance, though, that's probably pretty standard. He thinks back to some of the boyhood flings he'd had, a fresh youngster at boarding school with little supervision and a lot of new feelings to dole out. Feelings came quickly, and left just as fleetingly.... It was like he said- at the time, everything feels so much more important, so much more pressing.]

Gee, sounds rough... [He isn't trying to be patronizing; it's hard to know how much of an understatement that is, and it's hard to know how similar it is to his own experience. But that's why he doesn't really ask further; specifics get real messy, don't they? It's always a long story.]

[Blue drains his drink, and flicks the empty can back.]

Well, here's what I'd say. At least you guys have talked about it a little bit, right? You must've, if you got that far. [His grin returns, elbowing him gently.] Don't feel like it's all gotta come out and be resolved at once......... Even if it's bit by bit and you ignore some pretty heavy stuff for a while, if even one of you isn't ready, then it's probably not worth it.

What's important is at least you know there's something to work towards, huh?

We have.

(Not that Akechi seems to listen any of it. Surely Blue doesn't know the extent of just how they've hurt each other, and if it's up to Ren, he will continue in the dark. There is too much trauma surrounding them and perhaps Akechi's non-forgiving of himself is part of the reluctance, but at the same time? Ren is growing tired of the past dragging them down. They have an opportunity to do things right this time, don't they? Blue has a point that Ren can't help but to agree with... Even if Akechi clearly has his reservations. Points for Blue!)

We talked about our current situation too. (He's buzzed enough not to be annoyed, but instead, he's rolling his eyes in clear playful manner at the elbowing.) He told me he'd think about it and left.

(Ren sighs, taking a sip of his beer and scrunching his nose at the taste.)

Now, it's like it barely happened.

Edited 2020-09-07 20:07 (UTC)

Hmmmm.

[Blue just muses quietly, arms crossed on the countertop. He pops a snack into his mouth, munching quietly, thoughtfully.]

I don't think so. If he said he's thinkin' about it, he's probably thinking about it. Akechi-kun must not be the type to make a rush decision in that case, huh?

What's the hurry? You're both young.

[....He really hates feeling like suddenly, he knows what that guy might be thinking, from what Ren has said.... What a stick in the mud type. He doesn't like the comparison!]

[But Blue is also under no real illusions about his own tendencies to muse and pour over something internally, carefully, before making any kind of move.....]

Anyway, this place... Who knows what could happen? Me? I'm just taking it as it comes, cuz I got no frolicking idea what's going on.

[He pops another handful of edamame in his mouth.]

We won't be able to see each other when we return, so there's plenty of that.

(And yet another piece of information that Ren has to spin, make as vague as possible - Akechi might not even be alive when they go back and finally destroy that cheap, unacceptable excuse of a reality. From what Akechi had described, it's enfuriating... And there's that choice Akechi had him promise to take. Defeat Maruki, regardless of what happens to him. As per always, it falls on Ren's shoulders to take the important decisions and he has.)

I think he made his decision that very moment. He's just being a pain. (Because the fight for control between them is a never-ending one, even at times like this. Of course Akechi can't just give him a straight answer.)

We have theories, but no more than that.

(That the Void is basically the Metaverse created by a God who doesn't know how to Metaverse. That's about it.)

Oh yeah? ...Hm.

[Not that he has any idea what that means; his mind certainly doesn't go to the option Ren is thinking of. Instead, he muses on what it would mean from his own experience.]

.....For a long time, me and Red didn't see each other, you know. And now we're the best of friends again- don't just give up, alright?

[He gives Ren a little nudge to the side of his head, as if to shake him out of his dreariness.] Not that I think you give up easy, but don't mope about it, either.

Anyway, maybe, but maybe he's keeping you at arm's length for his own sake, huh? Just to be sure. Don't get pushy, just put up with it.

[Blue thinks what he would do, anyway.... would be to wait until the other really showed how much he wanted it. He smirks to himself.] Or, you know, he's testing you, so I guess you better decide if you're willing to deal!

(It's not Ren if he doesn't attempt to dodge the nudge spetacularly... If he had seen it coming without alcohol making his brain react to things in slowmotion. At least now he knows. One can't fight while intoxicated.)

"For his own sake"?

( ?

But why would Akechi? Didn't he promise right then and there he'd take care of things? Is he scared?

A sober Ren would make connections faster, but with his brain drowning in beer, Ren struggles a little. Be patient with him!)

Edited 2020-09-07 21:16 (UTC)

[Blue shrugs.] You know better than me, but the way I see it, this isn't an easy decision for either of you, right?

He probably puts on a better face than you do, though. [He grins. Ren seems like the type to wear his heart on his sleeve, no matter how he tries.... At least, Blue felt he could sense the little shifts in mood from him, or else he wouldn't have guessed what was going on in the first place!]

He does.

(Blue is not wrong here either, but it does nudge Ren to ask for a favor.)

Keep this between us, though. He'd be very pissed.

(To tell someone anything about Akechi is already walking on a thin line. To tell Blue he was right? Even worse. That being said...)

You left my questions unanswered. Your turn.

(It was a deal...! Choose your words carefully, Blue. You may never get a peep from Ren on something personal ever again depending on how you navigate this.)

Yeah, yeah, of course. I figured as much anyway- sheesh, you think I'm really the type to go running around spilling private secrets?

[He's almost hurt! ...Though he doesn't really think that.]

[...]

[Blue reaches for a second beer, grinning serenely as he allows a single moment to pass after Ren's request.]

Ummm, remind me what your question was, again?

(Not at all, but it's called "self-preservation". Akechi would kill him.

Ren finally finished the second beer, and while the world is spinning, it's light enough not to freak him out. He decided this should probably be where he stops, seen that severe dizziness and disorientation are not that great memory triggers. So far, it's fine, though! The next can he reaches for should be sparkling water.)

Red. Do you have romantic feelings for Red and does he know?

(Because saying "like" will trigger a whole Of Course I Like Him He's My Best Friend speech that really, at this point, he already got that.)

Ah.....

[This little shit. Blue takes a long, slow sip of his new beer, and pushes the pitcher of water towards Ren. Get drinking, boy.]

[How to handle this............. He wouldn't understand it if he just gave a straight answer, because of course it wasn't so simple. It didn't really matter what Blue felt; no matter how much he had felt for Red, then, or now, Red was still gonna be impassive, immovable Red.]

I don't think there's anything I don't feel about Red, at this point. Tired, romantic, bitter, grateful....... I don't know where it starts or ends, anymore.

[He takes another long sip. He's gonna need it.] I don't know what the hell he knows. He doesn't pay attention.

(Ah... So it is like this, huh? Perhaps it's a condition of liking your rival, the constant mix of emotions. Blue would know this better than him, of course. Ren can't even imagine what's like - a lifetime of confusing emotions melding into one another.)

Why not tell him?

(It's a genuine question, because he doesn't know their story. He doesn't know the resentment or what it is they went through.)

[Blue looks at him like he's an idiot. Arceus. He wouldn't get it, would he?]

Why would I do that? [He asks incredulously, honestly, like he's not quite sure why he'd have to explain it. Why would he open himself up to hurt like that? Why show weakness?? ....If there isn't an absolute chance if victory, don't show your cards. Something like that would describe his way of thinking perfectly.]

[They really were probably more alike than Ren knew.]

[Blue sighs deeply again, and muses over the lip of his drink.] ...Red is.... He's not.... [Another grumble of frustration.] He doesn't-- pay attention to people, like that. He never has. There's only Pokémon, to that guy...

[It wasn't a bad thing; Blue could say that maybe he even kind of liked that about him, in a way- was always charmed by it, at the least. But that didn't make it any less painful of a fact to accept. And anyway, Blue had plenty of other, more personal reasons, too....]

Edited (fart noise x2) 2020-09-07 23:13 (UTC)

(He's too interested and too buzzed to care for that look. So. It's whatever, it's fine.

Ren's knuckles find his cheeks as he listens, concentrated on what Blue is finally sharing and while it doesn't take a genius to find the frustration, or perhaps annoyance in Blue's words. They were all too clear... )

Wouldn't you agree you're not just about anyone, though?

(After all, they indeed are Childhood Friends Who Grew Up Together Since You Were Practically Babies Etc, so it shouldn't be too much of a leap to assume Blue means something to the other, right?)

Is there a goal he's focused on?

A goal...? Ahh....

[Could it really be called a goal? More of an ongoing interest, Blue thinks- maybe it's presumptuous of him, but Blue is pretty sure he knows more than anyone what Red's "goal" is.]

He just wants to meet all different Pokémon, and have the most interesting, the most fun battles he can.

....That guy, he's really a simpleton, but I guess when it comes to us trainers it's sort of the purest it gets, huh? I can't disagree with either of those "goals", if that's what you wanna call 'em.

[He is completely glossing over that first question thank you.]

(Doesn't sound immediate and urgent enough to just cut off people from his life and be overall uninterested in anything else though?

Huh...)

Let's say you do talk to him. What do you expect is going to happen?

(The fact that there's no answer to the first inquiry doesn't go unnoticed - Ren does that all the time. Answer what he feels like answering, like there was nothing before or after.

Maybe because of that, he knows it's not the time to push.)

...Pfftha, he probably wouldn't get it for a while, [Blue puffs out a soft laugh; it's almost charmed, just imagining it.] He'd be way confused........ And then he'd just be stupidly embarrassed. He'd probably hide under his hat for a while and run off to the top of Mt. Silver again.

[Speaking of ...casually traumatizing things, but Ren doesn't have the context for that; Red regularly hiked the Mt. Silver here, anyway.]

It's stupid to think about. I've never even considered bothering.

... I think you should.

(The smile that Ren gives is a very endeared one, because look at Blue being cute over the scenario he'd proposed.)

You said it yourself, you don't know what he knows. Don't you want to find out?

No.

[Blue answers easily, immediately, through something of a grimace. No, he doesn't want to know for sure that there's no chance, that Red has never looked at him that way even once. That the dream he clung onto since they were both little kids, through the anger and the loneliness and even the possibility of never seeing Red again was-- unachievable.]

[He takes a long, tired drain from his beer. Ugh. He needed to be drunk, at this point.]

Anymore questions?

Several.

(For most of the time, Satanael is quiet as Ren. He doesn't barge much, and while Ren feels his presence within his soul constantly, it's rare that he provides commentary.

This definitely poked at Ren's rebellion a little, a voice stirring things in his head. If it were him, even with the odds being low, he'd want to know. What kind of relationship can stay in the what-ifs forever? Would Blue really be content to just repress and continue on like none of what he's saying mattered?)

Where does the rivalry come in this situation?

[Blue's expression flattens again. Dammit, Ren, you're really pressing his nerves on this one, huh...........]

[Content was not exactly the word. But it was the preferable evil to hurt. Irreparable hurt, the kind that ached forever. There was no knowing when or if you would find anything to soothe that pain...]

...That's kind of a broad question, [Blue bites out through a grimace, knuckles hard as he taps over his drink. At least he's starting to get a little tipsier.] It's sort of everywhere..... Wouldn't you get that...? How do you even separate it...?

I didn't have a lifetime to build it. (No, really. Literally, their first conversation was discussing on television about the Phantom Thieves, which he secretly belonged and led.) We had contrasting views from the very start.

(He gulps some more of the beer. Are there more words coming out of Ren's mouth? Yes, there are indeed! Chatty buzz.)

You, on the other hand. It's a lot of time you've had to explore it. (Ren points his index finger with the hand holding the beer.) Are you afraid telling him would change your dynamics?

(It would make sense if Blue was, at least. A lifetime of rivalry and building it and revolving a friendship around it... Change can be a powerful fear.)

Edited 2020-09-11 13:15 (UTC)

[...Fair. Blue has to admit; he doesn't really know how people find their ...other half, when it's not someone that it's always been natural to let in. He can't imagine it- allowing someone slowly but surely within your guard, especially when you seem to have very differing points of view, like Ren says.]

[To Blue, that would just feel something like dislike. That's what he imagines, anyway- it's gotta be something more than that, right? But he's not too interested in pushing it further than that- Ren seems ...reluctant to do so, which Blue sees as something of a warning.]

[Blue is the type who would much rather remain blissfully ignorant.]

....It's not exactly just that, [He finally admits, but much like Ren's own unspoken warnings, Blue has plenty of buried things of his own that he'd rather not get into. He wasn't who most people here thought he was. His past buried a lot of worse things.] Because he already knows who I am. I haven't always been......

[He hesitates, and looks away again. His expression had become steadily more real as this conversation had gone on, losing the playful, goofy mask he usually put on and letting more of the sharper, more serious part of him bleed through. But there was more under there, too. Much more.]

Red's seen all of me.

(open) where have you been? been searching all along 𝅘𝅥𝅮

no subject

p5 spoilers

Re: p5 spoilers

no subject

no subject

p5r spoilers

Re: p5r spoilers

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)