tabularasa_rp | (closed) rivers in the deseeeeeeeeeert

(Wordlessly, Ren offers his hand to take the glass - a single taste of water in three days would not be enough and Ren's more than willing to get more.

Everything is not fine.

Not for Akechi, with how each and every motion is tense, confused, angry and concerned. Ren doesn't know what happened beyond the shot, but surely it would be traumatizing to hear the fact alone that he's been in a coma after a sudden death.

Not for Ren, either. Ren, who held Akechi's lifeless and stiff body after witnessing the bullet shatter his very skull in full sight. Ren, who feels betrayed he wasn't a part of Akechi's fight when he was the target all along. Ren, who hasn't dealt with it properly as far, his main concern being just present for when, not if, Akechi woke up.

But right now, all they can do is deal with it. Should Akechi hand the glass, Ren takes it and returns to the bed with a fresh refil of water.)

They are. We woke up together.

[He hands the almost-empty glass back just as wordlessly. Logically, he knows he should eat something, but his stomach is clenched too tightly to even consider it. It's not until he takes the glass back that he nods, listening to Ren's answer with something like relief. He'd suspected the others weren't killed, considering he hadn't encountered them in that nightmare of a hellscape.

They all woke up together, and he didn't. Three days...

It's difficult to say, but he manages to meet Ren's eyes and give him a nod he hopes is reassuring.] ...Thank you. If you need to tend to other matters, I'm... fine, now.

You're welcome... But I don't. (He did take a break from the cafe, after all. Blue can handle it on his own for a few more hours, he's sure, since Ren hasn't stepped foot in there so far.

His instinct is to tell Akechi he's not going anywhere, not when all that has happened happened and with how Akechi's still recovering from it. His brain screams that he has to be here, but... He's learned. He won't force it.)

I don't want to leave but I'll go if you'd like to be alone.

Edited (html brrrr) 2020-11-05 22:25 (UTC)

...

[It's hard to say whether or not he wants to be alone. There'd be a certain satisfaction to throwing Ren out of his own room, a minor way of seizing control over a situation where he has none. But Ren doesn't want to leave. Impossibly, even after staying with him for three days already, he still wants to stay.

He exhales through his nose and shakes his head, setting the half-full glass of water aside for now and forcing himself to his feet. Everything hurts from being still for so long, and he takes a breath before moving to a clearer section of the room to start stretching and limbering up.]

I'm not throwing you out of your room after you stayed here with me.

[Which. He didn't ask for, and it isn't his fault that Ren wasted his time like that, but still. It's... nice.

Back to the more important matters:]

How did you get us out?

(There's a small smile that lifts the corner of his mouth. Nevermind that he doesn't see it the way Akechi put it - he's not being thrown, but instead, giving the other space in their room so that he can deal with the situation however way he sees fit. The way he sees is, Akechi is accepting the support, and Ren's taking it.

On the kitchen counter, the little portable stove still supports the pot Ren had cooked from earlier. The curry sitting in it is not his best - he did make it with leftovers, after all, but it should be good enough to sustain them before Ren can find them better ingredients. All Ren does is to light the fire, grabbing chopsticks to stirr.)

I didn't. At some point, it just happened. (As much as Ren would have loved to be a part of it - forcing the God to pull the plug on the nightmare.

But no. All he remembers is being there and then waking up under a pile of his most beloved.)

And no one else has taken credit?

[Troubling. To think that at any moment, they could be whisked back into that world...

Ah. That does remind him, and he frowns even as he keeps stretching.]

So we have no way of knowing when we'll be knocked out again. Should we ever begin to feel exhaustion and sleep again...

[Since he doesn't know that's already a thing, after all, chalking up his own exhaustion to having been dead until recently.]

No, not at all.

(Even with witnessing everyone's powers, he hardly thinks anyone had anything to do with it. The Void always has irregularities, perhaps it just forgot to wake them up for whatever long they had been passed out.)

We already have. (And finally, he serves a bowl of curry, handing it to the other.)

There are storms and electricity now, too.

Edited 2020-11-05 23:04 (UTC)

[He finishes stretching by flexing his fingers, looking for where he'd left his gloves. At least he's grateful he hadn't fallen asleep with them on; that'd make for some pretty gross hands after three (or more) days. Satisfied they're still on the desk where he'd left them, he leaves them there for now, looking back to Ren.

Whatever he might have said is lost as the other boy simply hands him a bowl of curry, and he takes it more from reflex than any conscious thought. It's not that he's unused to the other serving him food, but rather, it's waking up and immediately being, for lack of a better word, taken care of. It leaves him oddly speechless for a moment, chest aching in the familiar way that only Ren makes him feel.]

I... [he starts, stops, then simply closes his eyes and sighs, more at himself than at Ren.] Thank you. I assume the storms and electricity are related?

Edited 2020-11-06 21:26 (UTC)

(He comes close enough simply to press a gentle, tiny but quick kiss to Akechi's cheek before he retreats back to his bed to sit on. It's simple reassurance - Ren's still with him, regardless of what happened down in the nightmare and what might come of what they discuss later.

His eyes close with the smile that effortlessly graces his lips as a reply, and he nods. Upset or not, Ren couldn't be happier to be here, with Akechi, after he almost lost him again. It's a relief and a bliss, and Ren can be mad at him later.)

If it's storming close enough, electronics work. (And he gestures to the laptop, one he didn't even remember they had before this.) We have Minesweeper now.

Ren...

[His eyes close once again at the simple kiss to his cheek, but before he can reach out, Ren's already retreating. He takes a breath and crosses the room to sit, sitting at the desk so he can more easily eat and face the other boy than if they were both on the bed.]

Minesweeper, [he says, a hint of dryness entering his voice, as if to say really?] Now that the concept of time exists, I hope you're not wasting it.

(Of course he is wasting it, at least a little, in the way Akechi sees it. He spent quite a while documenting the times marked on the clock with the storms and electricity peaks, but even so, he has been here for the past three days... There had to be some degree of distraction so that he stopped looping the events in his head.)

I'll remember that. (When he sees you secretly playing on the computer out of boredom, Akechi.)

Edited 2020-11-06 22:06 (UTC)

Good.

[Excuse you, he only spends his time in meaningful ways!!

He exhales a sigh and tries to eat some of the curry. He knows logically he should be hungry, so he forces himself to eat it, but it's a struggle.

Finally he has to ask,] How did you kill my cognitive self?

It disappeared when it killed you.

(Ren sighs, trying to keep the image out of his mind. The words, the shot, the feeling of nothingness until it sank.

It takes him a while to speak again, but he keeps his eyes on the other.)

It was not my nightmare. I'm not worried or scared about you hurting me. (A beat later;) How scared are you of us?

...I see.

[As far as Akechi's concerned, this conversation is now over. After all, if the apparition were killed, then it's not worth thinking about any longer. Ren had obviously survived the encounter, and that's all that matters.

But of course Ren can't leave it at that. Akechi's stomach seizes up with tension, and he sets the half-empty bowl of curry aside to instead glare at the other boy.]

Don't be absurd, [he snaps before he can stop himself.] You don't scare me.

I never said "me". (Whatever the relationship they have is called.)

I mean us. (Ren repeats, deadpan. Akechi heard it the first time, he's sure, and Ren is not found of repeating himself. Yet, he's still patient, even if he feels as anxious as he could get.

The first thing he can reach for is his glasses, resting on the edge of the bed and he takes it to fidget with. Skinny fingers twist the parts of the accessory before he continues:)

"Hurting you is the only thing I'm capable of, after all" - That's the last thing it said before it shot you in the head.

[Akechi just stares at him, feeling more like a caged animal than he had when he'd first woken up. He watches Ren fiddle with his glasses, feels a muscle in his jaw twitch and realizes only then that he's gritting his teeth.

So he forces himself to at least look relaxed, even if it feels like every muscle is stretched taut like a spring about to snap.]

Does it matter? The cognitive being was dealt with. Now, if we're dragged back into that... alternate world, perhaps it'll become relevant, but for now? [He flicks a hand dismissively.] It's not important.

Of course it matters.

(And Akechi has left Ren dumbfounded and edging enraged, just with a few words. With just a few sounds, all the anger that he has managed to cool bubbles up once again, Ren being the one gritting his teeth when Akechi relaxes.)

How is it not important, Goro? Do you expect me to just nevermind it?!

(How could he? Just go back to their routine, like he wasn't holding the knowledge that Akechi still seems to have reservations, overwhelming fears, even after all the talking they've had over the past months? To know that he's scared, and not be able to relief his anxieties when Ren himself is directly the target of those?

Those are not options.)

What- [he starts, voice edging into a snarl, before he forces himself to stop and take a breath. There's anger in his eyes, but if he looks, Ren might be able to see the same kind of fear he feels hidden behind that reflexive surge of anger.] What do you want me to say?

I want you to be honest with me and explain to me what's going on in that head of yours.

(Which he feels is fair and honestly, obvious.

He knows Akechi is frightened. After all this time, he can tell that there's always something chaining the other back - from the very first moment they've kissed and Akechi told him he wasn't interested, to hearing his fear personally from the depths of Akechi's mind personified.

He won't speak over the other, for the other. He needs Akechi to acknowledge that they have a problem that they can fix.)

[He hisses quietly through his teeth, as if holding back a swear. There's a part of him that wants to lash out, like always; hit Ren where it hurts, remind him that he died for him, twice now, and if he wants to keep secrets, that's his right.

Isn't that what he always does? Isn't that what he'd tried to promise that he wouldn't do anymore? The silence extends between them, drawn out and uncomfortable as he chews the inside of his lip and stares at the other boy.]

You're asking quite a lot, [he says finally, the hints of a snarl still in his voice, though it's more the sound of a trapped animal than one primed to attack.]

(Uncomfortable, but expected. It doesn't change Ren's stance, intense eyes staring at scarlet ones, unmoving while he waits with still hands. Even the fidgeting had stopped in the face of the heaviness that surrounds the room.

The words arrive eventually, and Ren lowers his head to agree.)

Maybe so. (After all, he knows that vulnerability is not the other's strongest skill. Ren pushes himself off the bed, and with each step towards the other, his anxiety grows but even so, there's nothing but certainty in his approach.

He comes close enough to be at arm's length away from Akechi, studying his features before he speaks again.)

You should have said it existed in the first place. (Akechi could have called, instead of facing the cognition by himself. Was he scared to the point Ren couldn't even know it existed?) I... (And it's a sigh that leaves instead of words, leaving space for silence while he gathers his thoughts.)

I want to make you happy. I can't do that if I don't know what's hindering it.

[His breath comes hard through his nose as he restrains himself from biting back, his hands clenching into fists at his sides. It used to be so easy to hold back his true feelings, to laugh and smile and hide it all behind the Detective Prince. But he doesn't do that around Ren. He still hides from him, just in different ways. For all their talk about the true self, it's Akechi's true self that has always been the problem, because who is he, really? Who is he if not trying to either be the most likable version of himself, or intentionally reversing it to be hated?

So he doesn't look at Ren as he approaches, his eyes meeting the other boy's for just a moment before sliding away, glaring at the opposite wall. Each word Ren says is like a physical blow, and he flinches when Ren says he wants to make him happy. He almost laughs, though it isn't funny.]

Forgive me for not wanting the contents of my brain spilled out in front of you and your friends yet again, [he manages, and though there's still a bite to his voice, he's able to hold back the snarl.] I intended to handle it myself.

[As for the rest, he doesn't answer it, because he simply, genuinely, doesn't have an answer for it, can't even begin to bullshit one immediately. Ren deserves better than that kind of half-hearted answer.]

That's not it. (After all, had it been kept private merely for the matter of privacy, Ren wouldn't yap as much. If it were just a tiny piece of information, even if Ren finds it relevant, he wouldn't be this angry.

But it wasn't. It was a murderous thing, hellbent on hurting Ren and, from the state of Sumi when she arrived, everyone he holds dear. The possibilities of what could have happened were endless and Ren? Ren doesn't even know where to begin with how much went wrong due to Akechi's inability to let others in. Perhaps, had Ren known what haunts him from the beginning, this being would never have manifested in the first place.

A thousand thoughts roam through his head - he's pissed to the point he wants to leave, cool down and think this over, before the roles reverse and Ren's the one snapping... But he won't do any of the sort. Inhaling a deep breath, Ren lets the silence drag even though it's not on purpose; he's just attempting to structure his sentences, try to say what he means the best way possible.)

I understand you treasure your privacy. (And the words flow, accompanied by the deep, serious and thundering voice that usually replaces the calmness when he's this aggravated.) ... But this was above that. You should have told me, we could have defeated it together.

Edited 2020-11-08 01:06 (UTC)

I-

[He cuts himself off, because Ren is right. If their positions were reversed, he'd be laying out the exact same arguments, just with more vitriol. So maybe that's what finally sparks his laughter, an uncontrollable surge rising in his throat.]

Defeated it together? [he echoes, the note of his voice just barely starting to edge toward the hysterical.] Oh, yes, because that worked so well when we did fight it together. Or did you forget that it apparently took my death to destroy it?

(Of course Ren didn't forget - he witnessed it, stayed with it, cried about it, so perhaps that's exactly why his face becomes even more sombre.)

There was no way of you knowing.

(And besides, when Akechi arrived, Ren had been protected by Satanael himself. A minuscule blow would have killed the black-haired boy.)

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