open: funemployment

[forceofnature]

Who: Viridi and lowly peons
What: November activities
Where: See inside!
When: November. Probably.
Content Warnings: None to start

[prelude: messiah station square (feel free to reply to this, too)]

[A small girl stands in front of the job listings and rifles through them with a disgruntled expression.]

'Merlaut Apartments: Security officer requested. Keep all intruders safely indoors'?
'Chicago L Station: Seeking train director. Direct a train in a play'?
'Wall Market Bathhouse: Attendant needed. Wash ten faces in the bathhouse water'?

These are ridiculous! And demeaning! Who would even want to do any of these pointless tasks; some kind of spineless moron, I'll tell you wh --

Comments

1: wall market bathhouse

[forceofnature]

You!

[Viridi marches up to anybody currently in the bathing area with a large sponge and a bucket of steaming water.]

Hold still.

This is a specialty service given only to the uh, most... beautiful customers. Yeah, let's go with that. We're calling it the Divine Goddess Luxury Spa Treatment. Close your eyes. And keep your mouth closed.

[Whatever is happening here, it seems completely above board and not at all questionable! You should just listen to whatever this child tells you to do.]

2: merlaut apartments

[forceofnature]

Alright, who wants a nice, comfortable lobby to sleep in? The more, the merrier! Paintbrush-monkey, get us some more pictures on the walls! Flying giraffe! An ideal addition! What's that I see over there? An adorable hopping fi --

[The adorable hopping fish latches its mouth onto the butt of the flying giraffe, which causes it to go careening into a wall inside the apartment. Viridi screams (a little bit).

The front lobby of the apartments is pandemonium by this point, as the girl has rounded up every random non-human creature she could find and shoved them into the building. The intruders mill about uncertainly and confusedly -- and a little aggressively.

Actual occupants of the building might not be too pleased with this. Especially if they get too close to the hopping fish.]

Oh -- I'd go out another way. The fish thing bites. ...Actually, I think a lot of them bite.

3: chicago l station

[forceofnature]

...Well, this is the best I've got.

[Viridi places both hands on her hips and stares at her greatest masterpiece. It's the train. ...Decorated with painted anime eyes, blush stickers, and a little sign that says 'Train-kun'. Thomas would be jealous. Fortunately, it's nice and stormless at the moment, which means there's no chance of this abomination running off too quickly.]

Aaaaaaaalright. Now I just need one more sucker and --

[There's one right there! Viridi interrupts whoever's within 100 feet of this place and grabs onto their arm/limb/suitable anatomical structure.]

You - come here. Read this for me.

4: unforeseen simulation joint

[forceofnature]

Worth it.

[The small girl rolls around (carefully) in her freshly planted garden, having completed an actual dozen ridiculous tasks that had literally no meaning apart from the fact that the reward listed was TEN CAMELLIA SPROUTS or TULIP BULBS or A DOZEN FRESH ROSES.

Will they grow? Probably not! Does she know this? Also probably not!

It's fine, though, let her have this for a few hours.]

Maybe I can't be the Goddess of all Nature, but I can be the goddess of this nature! Aren't I, cutie-pies? Who's your goddess? That's right, it's me!

[She giggles to herself as she finishes putting up a sign that reads, "VIRIDI'S FLOWERS: TOUCH AND DIE". Her garden is carefully offset from the rest of the flower beds filling the Unforeseen Simulation Joint - and frankly, a little sad right now. But it's nice to have something, even if it's all a little pointless.]

Ahh... Finally, something good in this disaster hell.

[She lies down for a well-deserved nap.]

[bluecastleace]

[One minute you are wandering one sad excuse for a train station, the next you are being tugged along by some snot-nosed, high-pitched little—-

[Wait, is that—-]

Virdi? [The “goddess”. That was her name, right? His eyes fall on the train next—- Just what the hell is going on there?]

Hey, let go of me. [He tries to tug his arm away.] Read what?

[Eyes back to the train. His expression goes lethally flat.]

You...

Did you do that?

[forceofnature]

No.

[She says, wiping her paint-smeared hands on a rag.]

It came like that. Wacky Void world where anything can happen! Crazy, right?

[If she remembers how they left things last time, she doesn't acknowledge it.]

Here.

[She shoves a stack of paper into his hand that she stole from a store somewhere.]

You're playing the role of Train-kun's lover that he left behind when he set out to fulfill his dream of becoming a trans-continental railroad train.

[bluecastleace]

[How can anyone think of last time when...this time is happening, honestly.

[There’s a long pause.

[Then:]

Excuse me?

[forceofnature]

It's a metacommentary on the conflicts arising in the post-industrial era regarding the individual roles of contributing to society vs. contributing to the family with a deep dive in established gender norms. The Eastern styling adds a layer of irony juxtapositioning traditional beliefs with modern desires manifesting in a late 1900s stylistic choice, the banality of which only serves to underscore the deeper pathos.

[...]

Look, you just have to be able to blush and say 'iyaaaaan' a few times.

[bluecastleace]

[He hands the papers back to her - well, tries to anyway.]

Yeah. You’re nuts. No.

[Who can just blush on command, anyway? He wants to repair the rapport between these two, but not that bad.]

[forceofnature]

What?! This is a masterpiece! Where's your appreciation for the arts?!

[She totally refuses it.]

The last thing you said to me was that you owed me! ...Or the third to last thing, whatever.

It will take five minutes.

[bluecastleace]

[He glares.]

I am not blushing and saying—- [Nope. He can’t even—-] that.

[What cruel retribution is this, and for what? Calling her a mean name (a really mean name, but still)? Not what he had in mind.]

What kinda dialogue is that anyway? I’ll get you a milkshake or something, you little—-

Virdi.

[forceofnature]

[a frosty glare]

Genius is never appreciated in its time!

A thousand milkshakes couldn't begin to heal the deep wounds you've inflicted on my maiden's heart. Now you wound me further!

[might be laying it on a bit thick]

[bluecastleace]

[A bit thick, yeah.]

Why are you doing this? [He gestures to Train-kun, papers in hand.]

[forceofnature]

My maiden's heart!

[...]

It's a job! One of those useless pointless tasks posted in that underground shrine to capitalism.

[bluecastleace]

If it’s useless and pointless, then why are you doing it?

[To punish him?]

[forceofnature]

[Oops.]

No reason!

[...]

Train decoration is my secret passion!

[the lie is probably more embarrassing than the truth but it's too late that's what came out of her mouth she's sticking with it]

What do you have against saying real words that real people say in real situations?!

[iyaaaaaaaaaaan]

[koopacrusher]

What? No.

[That is all Bowser responds with before he tries to pull his arm free and continue on his way, completely uninterested in whatever Viridi is doing.]

[forceofnature]

But yes!

[Viridi has a low constitution stat. She is easy to push away. Fortunately, Viridi also has high persistence.]

I have no idea what in Pandora's box you are, but I know what you are: perfect for the drama of the century: the secondary starring role!

[koopacrusher]

What I am is a Koopa. And I'm not a Pokémon. [Not that Viridi said he was one, but at this point it's just habit.]

[The promise of a (secondary) starring role is enough to momentarily persuade Bowser to listen. His appearances in some stage plays about Mario's adventures have given him some experience in theater, after all.] Tell me what I'm supposed be reading and I'll consider it.

[bluecastleace]

Real situations like dating a train?

[forceofnature]

Don't listen to him, Train-kun!

[Viridi cries out in mock dismay.]

Your emotional and spiritual needs are no less valid than a human's!

Fine, you can play Train-kun's emotionally unavailable father who disapproves of all his life decisions.

Just stand there and hold that face.

[forceofnature]

Oh, I was going to ask if you were a Duel Monster.

[she wasn't, but she can never resist a dig]

And this is an improv play. The emotion will flow more genuinely if you don't see the lines before you read them!

[she has learned from previous encounters.]

[bluecastleace]

[Well, that’s probably what he was going to do anyway, and he did say he’d make shit up to her, so he...does - but he won’t all day!]

Go on and get it over with then.

[forceofnature]

Your cooperation serves an important cause.

[Viridi snatches the script out of his hand, rifles through a few pages and returns it to an earmarked page titled ACT 2 SCENE 6: THE BREAKING POINT]

Speak when I cue you.

[She imperiously waves him over closer to Train-kun, then clears her throat a few times.]

And now, his dream train job stolen from underneath him by the nefarious and undeserving Caboose-chan, Train-kun slinks home in shame and disappointment to throw himself upon the mercy of his parents, whom we last saw after an argument in which they forbade him to leave home.

Scene open on Daddy-train-kun in the kitchen.

[...]

I said, scene open on Daddy-train-kun in the kitchen.

[bluecastleace]

[Iwaizumi gestures to himself in exasperation.]

What? I’m standing here like you told me too.

[He even looks grumpier now! And he did technically speak. See? He’s doing it!]