open: funemployment

[forceofnature]

Who: Viridi and lowly peons
What: November activities
Where: See inside!
When: November. Probably.
Content Warnings: None to start

[prelude: messiah station square (feel free to reply to this, too)]

[A small girl stands in front of the job listings and rifles through them with a disgruntled expression.]

'Merlaut Apartments: Security officer requested. Keep all intruders safely indoors'?
'Chicago L Station: Seeking train director. Direct a train in a play'?
'Wall Market Bathhouse: Attendant needed. Wash ten faces in the bathhouse water'?

These are ridiculous! And demeaning! Who would even want to do any of these pointless tasks; some kind of spineless moron, I'll tell you wh --

Comments

1: wall market bathhouse

[forceofnature]

You!

[Viridi marches up to anybody currently in the bathing area with a large sponge and a bucket of steaming water.]

Hold still.

This is a specialty service given only to the uh, most... beautiful customers. Yeah, let's go with that. We're calling it the Divine Goddess Luxury Spa Treatment. Close your eyes. And keep your mouth closed.

[Whatever is happening here, it seems completely above board and not at all questionable! You should just listen to whatever this child tells you to do.]

2: merlaut apartments

[forceofnature]

Alright, who wants a nice, comfortable lobby to sleep in? The more, the merrier! Paintbrush-monkey, get us some more pictures on the walls! Flying giraffe! An ideal addition! What's that I see over there? An adorable hopping fi --

[The adorable hopping fish latches its mouth onto the butt of the flying giraffe, which causes it to go careening into a wall inside the apartment. Viridi screams (a little bit).

The front lobby of the apartments is pandemonium by this point, as the girl has rounded up every random non-human creature she could find and shoved them into the building. The intruders mill about uncertainly and confusedly -- and a little aggressively.

Actual occupants of the building might not be too pleased with this. Especially if they get too close to the hopping fish.]

Oh -- I'd go out another way. The fish thing bites. ...Actually, I think a lot of them bite.

[abeautifulgame]

... what the hell is all of this?

[standing on the edge of the pandemonium, weight balanced on his good leg, one hand braced on a wall, just in case something comes at him, that's -- all he's got, really. what? just -- what?]

[forceofnature]

Intruders!

[She says, proudly.]

We have to keep them from getting outside. Can I count on you to do your part?

[???????]

[abeautifulgame]

[???????, indeed]

[he stares at her for a moment, trying to make that make sense. unfortunately, however, he seems to be getting all of no where on that front]

I'm sorry -- what?

[please make this make sense]

[forceofnature]

We - have - to - keep - them - from - get - ting...

[Viridi repeats what she just said, but slowly with emphasis, the way people rudely do when they meet someone who doesn't speak their language.]

...Oh, do you mean why?

Because I need you to.

You should go make friends with the flying giraffe! It's looking skittish.

[abeautifulgame]

Yes, I meant why.

[scowl deepening, he gives her a look that suggests she might be the mentally deficient one. don't insult his intelligence, woman. just don't]

Why do you need them to stay in here?

[he's not touching that giraffe, thanks. he's already crippled. he doesn't need to be moreso, when it inevitably tramples him]

[bridge_princess]

[She opened the door to the apartments, planning to check in on someone and just ... stopped there. There was a dragon biting a flying giraffe's ass, and a smeargle there being ordered a paint monkey and a goddess of the earth screaming.

Parsee just stared for a second and shook her head. Her own smeargle companion with the black paint on its tail just looked so non-plussed right now.]

Wow, this really feels like I'm back home.

[Yep, because this was normal to her.]

[forceofnature]

Oh. It's you.

[Viridi arches an eyebrow before leaning forward across the desk.]

Welcome to the Mermen Apartments! I'm the new security officer around here. ...Do you live here?

[Behind her, the giraffe tries to hide behind a large potted plant.]

[bridge_princess]

Hah. They have security here, do they?

[Said in the tone of someone who absolutely didn't believe a word of it. She was snickering, flashing her a cheesy grin as she stood there, hands on her hips and a smug air all about her.]

I think you already know I don't live here. Nobody needs me here if my powers go loose. Nah I live by the shrine dumby. I'm here to visit someone.

[forceofnature]

Clearly, they hired for brains and beauty.

[More like bunkum.]

And that's perfect! Stay as long as you wish. Actually, stay here until I tell you to go. It's part of the new rules. Minimum entrance time of three hours.

3: chicago l station

[forceofnature]

...Well, this is the best I've got.

[Viridi places both hands on her hips and stares at her greatest masterpiece. It's the train. ...Decorated with painted anime eyes, blush stickers, and a little sign that says 'Train-kun'. Thomas would be jealous. Fortunately, it's nice and stormless at the moment, which means there's no chance of this abomination running off too quickly.]

Aaaaaaaalright. Now I just need one more sucker and --

[There's one right there! Viridi interrupts whoever's within 100 feet of this place and grabs onto their arm/limb/suitable anatomical structure.]

You - come here. Read this for me.

[bluecastleace]

[One minute you are wandering one sad excuse for a train station, the next you are being tugged along by some snot-nosed, high-pitched little—-

[Wait, is that—-]

Virdi? [The “goddess”. That was her name, right? His eyes fall on the train next—- Just what the hell is going on there?]

Hey, let go of me. [He tries to tug his arm away.] Read what?

[Eyes back to the train. His expression goes lethally flat.]

You...

Did you do that?

[forceofnature]

No.

[She says, wiping her paint-smeared hands on a rag.]

It came like that. Wacky Void world where anything can happen! Crazy, right?

[If she remembers how they left things last time, she doesn't acknowledge it.]

Here.

[She shoves a stack of paper into his hand that she stole from a store somewhere.]

You're playing the role of Train-kun's lover that he left behind when he set out to fulfill his dream of becoming a trans-continental railroad train.

[bluecastleace]

[How can anyone think of last time when...this time is happening, honestly.

[There’s a long pause.

[Then:]

Excuse me?

[forceofnature]

It's a metacommentary on the conflicts arising in the post-industrial era regarding the individual roles of contributing to society vs. contributing to the family with a deep dive in established gender norms. The Eastern styling adds a layer of irony juxtapositioning traditional beliefs with modern desires manifesting in a late 1900s stylistic choice, the banality of which only serves to underscore the deeper pathos.

[...]

Look, you just have to be able to blush and say 'iyaaaaan' a few times.

[koopacrusher]

What? No.

[That is all Bowser responds with before he tries to pull his arm free and continue on his way, completely uninterested in whatever Viridi is doing.]

[forceofnature]

But yes!

[Viridi has a low constitution stat. She is easy to push away. Fortunately, Viridi also has high persistence.]

I have no idea what in Pandora's box you are, but I know what you are: perfect for the drama of the century: the secondary starring role!

[koopacrusher]

What I am is a Koopa. And I'm not a Pokémon. [Not that Viridi said he was one, but at this point it's just habit.]

[The promise of a (secondary) starring role is enough to momentarily persuade Bowser to listen. His appearances in some stage plays about Mario's adventures have given him some experience in theater, after all.] Tell me what I'm supposed be reading and I'll consider it.

[forceofnature]

Oh, I was going to ask if you were a Duel Monster.

[she wasn't, but she can never resist a dig]

And this is an improv play. The emotion will flow more genuinely if you don't see the lines before you read them!

[she has learned from previous encounters.]

4: unforeseen simulation joint

[forceofnature]

Worth it.

[The small girl rolls around (carefully) in her freshly planted garden, having completed an actual dozen ridiculous tasks that had literally no meaning apart from the fact that the reward listed was TEN CAMELLIA SPROUTS or TULIP BULBS or A DOZEN FRESH ROSES.

Will they grow? Probably not! Does she know this? Also probably not!

It's fine, though, let her have this for a few hours.]

Maybe I can't be the Goddess of all Nature, but I can be the goddess of this nature! Aren't I, cutie-pies? Who's your goddess? That's right, it's me!

[She giggles to herself as she finishes putting up a sign that reads, "VIRIDI'S FLOWERS: TOUCH AND DIE". Her garden is carefully offset from the rest of the flower beds filling the Unforeseen Simulation Joint - and frankly, a little sad right now. But it's nice to have something, even if it's all a little pointless.]

Ahh... Finally, something good in this disaster hell.

[She lies down for a well-deserved nap.]

[sefirot]

[When Sephrioth comes upon her his first immidate thought is how he has apparently made some sort of terrible mistake. His second is how this girl reminds him of that annoying one who teamed up with Cloud though he never paid any real attention to her other than the fact that she's one of his nemesis' friends. And that is somewhat important for reasons.

His third thought is how he really wishes he had his sword or access to materia because burning everything down seems like a really great idea right now.

Despite his thoughts his expression remains even and unamused as though nothing in the world can phase him. Even with her rambles about nature.]

And if your plants die will that mean you are an inept goddess of them?

[Why is he engaging? Who knows? Maybe he just enjoys punishing himself. It's probably more likely that he's an asshole and can't help himself.]

[forceofnature]

Nnnnnnno, it just means I'm gonna murder you.

[She sits up from her nap and fixes an intense stare at the man who has wandered into her self-proclaimed territory.]

And since this world doesn't have a concept of death yet, it just means it will be slow and torturous.

[The small girl smiles pleasantly.]

[sefirot]

[If he still had a sense of humor he'd laugh. But alas he no longer considers himself really human enough for such things. Though he might hold a sort of slightly amused expression. At least a hint of one.]

Arrogance and confidence often overlap but neither are a testament to true strength. If there is no death then your threats mean little. Not that they meant much at all to start with.

[He makes no real movement other than to meet her gaze head on.]

Jump too quickly into the fire and you will be consumed by it.

[forceofnature]

Good grief.

[She makes a vague gagging sound.]

Don't cut yourself on that edge there. What are you supposed to be, the lead singer for My Chemical Romance?

Go write your cliches into song lyrics and come back when you're a best seller.