open: funemployment

[forceofnature]

Who: Viridi and lowly peons
What: November activities
Where: See inside!
When: November. Probably.
Content Warnings: None to start

[prelude: messiah station square (feel free to reply to this, too)]

[A small girl stands in front of the job listings and rifles through them with a disgruntled expression.]

'Merlaut Apartments: Security officer requested. Keep all intruders safely indoors'?
'Chicago L Station: Seeking train director. Direct a train in a play'?
'Wall Market Bathhouse: Attendant needed. Wash ten faces in the bathhouse water'?

These are ridiculous! And demeaning! Who would even want to do any of these pointless tasks; some kind of spineless moron, I'll tell you wh --

Comments

[bridge_princess]

Hah. They have security here, do they?

[Said in the tone of someone who absolutely didn't believe a word of it. She was snickering, flashing her a cheesy grin as she stood there, hands on her hips and a smug air all about her.]

I think you already know I don't live here. Nobody needs me here if my powers go loose. Nah I live by the shrine dumby. I'm here to visit someone.

[forceofnature]

Clearly, they hired for brains and beauty.

[More like bunkum.]

And that's perfect! Stay as long as you wish. Actually, stay here until I tell you to go. It's part of the new rules. Minimum entrance time of three hours.

[bridge_princess]

[And here she'd figured that she was going to try and kick her out. Ugh. This was annoying and idiotic, but ... well she had time. Yeah, she'd said she'd come over, but even if time worked correctly, it wasn't like they had a sense of what time it really was.]

Right, so placating your insatiable loneliness and boredom is part of the rules?

[Isn't she a peach?]

[forceofnature]

What?

Ew, no, don't talk to me. Go find your friend and hang out with them for a while. I'm busy with all this already.

[Viridi gestures generally to the animal-things. The fish spots the movement and takes this as an invitation to leap forward and attempt to latch on to her arm.]

[bridge_princess]

I'm starting to think that you might be familiar with reverse psychology.

[Because one of the best ways to ensure that he stuck around, instead of ran off on her own was to tell her to leave, and one way to get her to go was to ask her to stay. Parsee was nothing if not a closeted contrarian in a pinch. She watched the fish biting and laughed wickedly.]

You'd think a goddess of nature could control a measly fish.

[forceofnature]

Please.

Why would I want to stop a creature from carrying out its natural instincts? A predator needs to hunt. I didn't design the circle of life to be a bunch of forest critters sitting around singing kum-ba-yah.

[Viridi casually leans out of the way and the fish sails past.]

I mean, obviously it's not eating me. You can volunteer if you want.

[bridge_princess]

I'm aware that I might not appear to be one, but I am a predator, you realize? Not in the mood to let the stupid fish eat me, and I'm alsso not hungry.

[She snickered some and shook her head.]

You're still trying to get this place's cycle to make sense aren't you?

[forceofnature]

Cycle?

[Viridi slides a potted plant over towards the giraffe creature to pacify it from running around awkwardly.]

What do you mean, 'cycle'?

[bridge_princess]

You know, natural cycles. Getting the animals to have some kind of natural order when they clearly don't yet in this place. I mean, we only figured out how to eat not that long ago.

...

And I can still eat pebbles.

[forceofnature]

What do you mean, 'still'? When have I ever thought it made sense? I spent my first week here pointing out all the inconsistencies and nobody even bothered to thank me for being so thorough about it.

[translation: viridi screamed at people for a week]

It's a dumb void world with dumb mishmash animals.

But they're still animals. I'm not going to try to control them.

...Unless it's amusing. Then I do whatever I want. But that's separate from my actual job.

[bridge_princess]

[She reached into a pocket and pulled out one of the small pebbles she'd received at her shrine. It was small enough to swallow, so as if to prove her point, she showed it off and just popped it into her mouth like a skittle. Swallow!]

Look, I've been bitching at the Void about time messed up and it's finally flowing right. If you care so much about it, teach it what count as food properly. Or, you can keep snacking on rocks!

I don't know if people will thank you for teaching it how to control hunger properly. They might actually. [She held out a pebble.] Hungry?

[forceofnature]

Uh, sure, you work on that. I've got a hard core regimen going of thinking nature-y thoughts every moment possible so I can, you know, not feel like a disconnected flesh sack, which is truly a waking nightmare that never ends.

If you teach the world 'food,' you're also going to teach it 'excretion,' and I absolutely 100% to the max refuse to be a flesh sack when that starts happening.

Speaking of which, 'mandatory sleeping'? Also getting old.

[Viridi will take a pebble and give it to the fish dragon to eat.]

[bridge_princess]

You realize that, if it torments you... it's probably going to happen eventually, right? [She snickered. Get ready to poop, Viridi! Except there was some good news.] But I've noticed that I've started to feel more like a spirit again. So maybe it's figuring out there's differences? But... yeah I could do without the dream trips to the flesh tunnels.

Even if I don't seem to have the right powers, which... is not a complaint.

[forceofnature]

Do not!

[Reaching pitches that are just barely sub-screeching threshold]

The more you think about it the more likely it is to happen! Probably! We're not thinking about it! La la la la la la la!

What do you mean, you're 'starting to feel like a spirit'?

[She says, not cognizant that the currently constructed timeline does not have her changing species until after the posts in this thread are complete.]

[bridge_princess]

Eh... I'm not quite sure exactly. Don't worry about it. Just been feeling... it's hard to put it into words exactly.

[And a certain someone totally forgot the day, hah. So she wasn't technically one 'quite' yet.]

Honestly, I wouldn't worry too much about it. I mean, if it figures out that that should happen where are we going to put it all?

[she's not actually helping, is she?]

[forceofnature]

...Well, that's suspicious.

[She grouses.]

And what do you mean, 'put it all' - our spirit... essence? Divinity? Or...

...Are you talking about fecal containment.

[Her tone is flat as a out of tune minor key.]

[bridge_princess]

If I have to explain the joke it kind of ruins it... but come on. You're a god. I'd hope you know what to do with your divine essence. Yes, of course I mean the poop.

[Haha, such high brow humor happening today.]

I mean, it's not like we've dug latrines or got plumbing working. And we don't want to dump it out on the void. That's asking for trouble.

[forceofnature]

I hate every word that just left your mouth. I hate a lot of things. ...But I especially hate this.

Let's cross that bridge when we get to it. Or not. I'll just throw myself into the Void; seems easier.

Don't you have a friend to visit?

[bridge_princess]

You know what? You're amusing. I've decided that now.

[She snickered and winked at Viridi heading to the door into the hallways before speaking over her shoulder.]

We should talk more. Hah. About other shit. This shit's only fun to talk about once. [And with that awful play on words, she started to head off to see whoever she'd come to see. She honestly couldn't remember. Torturing Viridi was worth it.]

[forceofnature]

This was the worst conversation I've ever had!

[Viridi calls after her, in what she undoubtedly knows will only encourage Parsee to irritate her further. In that sense, one wonders how much Viridi is hamming up her irritation versus actual antipathy. In another sense, who cares?]

Gross! Thank goodness she's gone! Isn't that right, you little cutie?

[The paintbrush monkey gets a little pat on the head before Viridi turns back to her desk - upon which there is now a generous scattering of seeds.]

Oh! Finally.

...Eh, I guess you all can stay anyway. Who wants to help me redirect this ugly lobby?